realization
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chaos City
Posts: 605
realization
I am going to stop fighting for my H survival and fight for my own.
My h will eventually go back to what he was, but I am not going to let him bring me and the kids with him this time. I am stronger now, I know better now, i am preparing for anything.
I have learned that I cant trust him ever and I never could, it would take miracles to gain trust from me. He does, always will, and always has his best interest at heart. Maybe that is the way it should be.
I am going to have my kids and my best interest at heart. I am going to come first now in my eyes. I always put him first, or anyone first, cause I could always wait, I would always be fine, I didnt matter, what would it hurt me to sacrifice. I am no longer going to wait, it is time I come first. I am going to stop doing everything I can to please him, because I will never please him. I am going to start pleasing myself and let things fall into place for me. I havent stopped caring for him, but I am learning to care for me more. I matter, and I dont want to always sacrifice for the sake of someone else.
I have no doubt in my mind it will end, and I have to do everything i possibly can to survive. There is no room for me and my children in his life. I am preparing, I am creating a plan.
It took me one year to realize Beer is not our problem, Whether it is his fault, my fault, or the can opener breakings fault. It doesnt matter we dont work together and that is worse for my children to be raised thinking this is normal.
I feel like jumping up and down, It is not Beer, Beer for him is his self medication, I am not becoming a cold person, because I dont feel sorry for him or feel bad for him anymore, he made his choices in life, just like I made mine and he dont feel sorry or bad for me.
My h will eventually go back to what he was, but I am not going to let him bring me and the kids with him this time. I am stronger now, I know better now, i am preparing for anything.
I have learned that I cant trust him ever and I never could, it would take miracles to gain trust from me. He does, always will, and always has his best interest at heart. Maybe that is the way it should be.
I am going to have my kids and my best interest at heart. I am going to come first now in my eyes. I always put him first, or anyone first, cause I could always wait, I would always be fine, I didnt matter, what would it hurt me to sacrifice. I am no longer going to wait, it is time I come first. I am going to stop doing everything I can to please him, because I will never please him. I am going to start pleasing myself and let things fall into place for me. I havent stopped caring for him, but I am learning to care for me more. I matter, and I dont want to always sacrifice for the sake of someone else.
I have no doubt in my mind it will end, and I have to do everything i possibly can to survive. There is no room for me and my children in his life. I am preparing, I am creating a plan.
It took me one year to realize Beer is not our problem, Whether it is his fault, my fault, or the can opener breakings fault. It doesnt matter we dont work together and that is worse for my children to be raised thinking this is normal.
I feel like jumping up and down, It is not Beer, Beer for him is his self medication, I am not becoming a cold person, because I dont feel sorry for him or feel bad for him anymore, he made his choices in life, just like I made mine and he dont feel sorry or bad for me.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Ohio
Posts: 390
Originally Posted by emily33
I feel like jumping up and down, It is not Beer, Beer for him is his self medication,
Ye know, you're right! I hadn't thought like that before. I just looked mostly at the bottle, not the problem behind it!
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Emily
You are a star! This is a hugely important step for you and I know that you have the strength to do it. And if you need a top-up, just come here and we'll all give you some.
You're right, alcohol is a form of self-medication. That's why just stopping drinking doesn't work. They have to be dealing with the underlying issues to be deemed to be in recovery. Symptom rather than cause.
Thanks for sharing this.
Love
Minnie
xxx
You are a star! This is a hugely important step for you and I know that you have the strength to do it. And if you need a top-up, just come here and we'll all give you some.
You're right, alcohol is a form of self-medication. That's why just stopping drinking doesn't work. They have to be dealing with the underlying issues to be deemed to be in recovery. Symptom rather than cause.
Thanks for sharing this.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: DC Metro area
Posts: 22
Good for you and the kids.......congrats on the realization.
Please write and let us all know the good the bad and the ugly....as I have walked that road before and become too scared to continue on....I am curious to see how it goes. You have a great attitude and you are so right to give yourself a life.
How do your kids feel about the plan, or will it be a surprise to them when it happens?
Please write and let us all know the good the bad and the ugly....as I have walked that road before and become too scared to continue on....I am curious to see how it goes. You have a great attitude and you are so right to give yourself a life.
How do your kids feel about the plan, or will it be a surprise to them when it happens?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
Oh Emily, I am so glad you are putting yourself and your kids first I am so glad you are growing and becoming stronger. You know what you need to do and are making a plan, that takes a lot of courage.
You're so right!!! Start doing things to please YOU!!!
I am going to stop doing everything I can to please him, because I will never please him.
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