cwohio

here i am and my ah is half crocked and trying to start a fight about me doing laundry! he can't imagine why 2 people have so much laundry. he says he only has a few items (well he doesn't work anymore so duh!) i wash my stuff after 1 wearing so after a week there's laundry! i know that he is feeling bad about himself and i am trying my darndest to stay calm but man, i am frustrated. he says "you hate me" and i said no "i hate this disease we both have!" i need some extra serenity guys - thank God i have my meeting tonite!

i am frustrated because just a month ago he had withdrawal seizures and after detoxing is back at it after 2 1/2 weeks dry. i know....the 3 c's!

thanks for letting me vent!

JessicaNAJ

It is frustrating... I can totally relate.

Is laundry the best thing he can come up with to argue about?? If it gets too bad, maybe you can go window shopping, just to get out of the house.

Send some prayers your way.

(((chris)))

cwohio

thanks jessica - just might have to do that - right now he went upstairs to lay down - escape by any means, that's their motto!

JessicaNAJ

Maybe he'll pass out and give you some peace....lol

Don't you just love their motto?? (Just kidding)

gelfling

Doesn't it make you want to spit?

Mine came home last night after working and driving 16 hours. Miserable of course and Friday night traffic didn't help. He'd not seen our son for 2 days and I made a big meal to soothe the savage beast that I knew was there.

He walks up the steps from the basement, sees a mark on the wall and says, "what the hell is that". I walked over, looked at it and said, "a black mark". Definitely not the right answer. He was a pain most of the evening. Fortunately, he was in bed within 1 1/2 hours because of getting up at 4am.

When he got up this morning, I politely asked that he be in a better mood when he came home today. And I got the, "what did I do" thing. Gets so old. I looked him in the eye and said, you were a miserable bas**** last night and surprised you could stand yourself. If you're unhappy about the job and having to drive 200 round trip, I understand, but don't bring it home. He starts himming and hawing and I interrupted saying, I'm really don't want to have to kill you because we love you too much. He smiled.

He called around 9 and was in a good mood. He also spoke with our son and apologized for being such an a**hole last night. Our son said, "I know what it's like being an a**hole". You're forgiven.

We'll see his frame of mind when he gets home tonight. If not, I'm going to slip him am Ambien and pray a quick resolution with him going to bed early eventhough he doesn't have to work tomorrow......ONLY KIDDING!!! but it's a mighty fine thought.

Hugs

cwohio

kathy-ha i could use a few ambien myself (just kidding)! i am really struggling with my boundaries and how to communicate them and then stick by them. i think i will bring that up as a topic tonite at my meeting.

my ah is a vietnam vet and when he drinks he starts talking about all that baggage. i really can't stand to hear it over and over. i tell him (in a calm way most times) that i don't want to talk about it because it makes me angry that that situation helped get us to where we are today. he just doesn't get it. i know he is trying to convince himself that he is a good person but that sick part of him doesnn't want to believe it because he has killed people. it's very frustrating and heartbreaking at the same time. i tell him i can't help him with those issues. i can't wait to go to my meeting tonight if just for some serenity!

minnie

cwohio

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time of it.

As you know, my exA is ex-military and has combat-induced PTSD, although undiagniosed officially. It must be really hard for them to deal with and also for the partners to deal with too. I learnt that, even though I wanted to help, there was nothing I could do. I am not qualified. But there are people that are qualified and the help is out there. It is just a question of whether they want it enough. My ex was going to counselling, but it seems that he has stopped going when it started to get tough. It's a real shame. The answer lies in your hubby's hands, as you well know.

I hope you have a wonderful meeting and manage to regain some peace.

Love

Minnie
xxx

cwohio

thanks minnie - yes i know it is not in my control and it's still so hard to cope with that reality. i MUST get it thru my thick skull that i can't do anything about it! that acoa helpless kid comes out in me so much - i am trying to work on that with my couselor but it's really slow going! thanks for the peace wish!

elizabeth1979

well, it must be becuase mine attempted to fight with me over my luandry about a half hour ago. He was upset bc I had put the drying rack with my sweaters in 'his way'. Oh man, shut up!

sdp

Hey CW!!!
Maybe just take your stuff and go to a laundomat? Get out of the house, and get all your laundry done at 1 fell swoop??
I was lucky in the laundry area. My H hates how I fold so he does his own. (he does fold much better than I do!!)

Peaches04

HI (((CW))))! Just sending some warm thoughts your way! I know how it is when they just start a fight over any little thing...you are doing great sweetie! I hope you can maintain your serenity and not let him get to you too much - I know how hard that can be! You and I started here about the same time, and I know how far you've come and you should be so proud of yourself!!! This too shall pass....
That's what I tell myself almost daily!!

cwohio

sdp - i thought about that and even said (in an ALMOST nasty way) that i would start taking my laundry to the laundromat! ha!

peaches - hope things are better your way. i appreciate the support and compliment. i don't feel like i have come a long way but at least i am trying (which is more than i can say for some other folks - hmm...)

even tho we realize the reason behind the "nit picking" it still tests us every now and again!

equus

Is it my imagination or does it really FEEL harder after a few weeks with no booze??

I hope you start feeling a bit better - I think you did really well to bring it back to hating the disease. I could swear sometimes when people are feeling low they want to hear insults - ie I'm not sick, I'm just a complete $h!t, sort of in the same way that it can be hard to hear compliments.

And if you made any sense out of that - Give yourself a medal!!

minnie

equus,

I agree! I know that my ex actually invites rejection. It's his "comfort zone" and has now become a vicious circle.

cwohio

ladies - i do believe you are right.

equus - no it absolutely DOES feel harder. i thoroughly enjoyed the 2 weeks "off" and just making myself sick over the medical emergency of the situation that is possible again. that doggone scared little kid just keeps showing up in the act!

emily33

I am sorry you are having a bad day I am thinking about you.

Maybe he will pass out, and you can take a hot bath, with the radio on and become oblivious to all other noises.

cwohio

thanks for the thought emily!

cupowater

Isn't it just funny how so many of us pray they will "just pass out" ?? Ha! Ha! I know when My AH passes out on the couch or slumps off to his bedroom, I feel almost free! I can relax and enjoy the rest of my evening! Do something nice for yourself! ((((((CW))))))))

Girlfriend

I have known so many guy friends that came back from Viet Nam ALL MESSED UP!!

They all drink. I asked one once "Ollie, do you think you'll ever quit drinking?" (in a sensitive way and not sarcastic). He looked at me and said "No. Alcohol is my life now".

That is really sad. It must be hard to think everyday about the people that you did kill. It's too bad that the government couldn't of given them more PTSD counseling or "deprogramming" or something. Cuz they went over there to fight for our country and came back a mess because of it.

JessicaNAJ

OMG - I would sooo look forward to that. and I would warn the kids not to wake him up. I did NOT want to deal with that....lol