offended or attacked?
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
offended or attacked?
I know that I have said things that upset some people sometimes here. I have no way of knowing how someone else will respond to what I say.
I have been the family scape goat and black sheep all my life. I do not appogize for it nor do I feel sorry for myself. I know I am at times impulsive and say things off the top of my head and get side tracked at times.
As far as I can tell this is a public place and if someone writes here than they might expect that sometimes people say things that are out of context or offensive or both.
I look forward to being offended (not attacked) by someones replies to what I say. I want to have a deeper look, I want to take the veil off my eyes. Each and every offence gives me the oppertunity to get my side of the street a little cleaner. If I say something that offends you believe me I am not sitting at my computer thinking up ways to offend. I am just giving my view and pointing out what I see. I think if you do not want anyone to comment on something you have written than you ought not write it here....
I am learning the difference between attack and offence. Attack leaves scars offence removes veils. I also know that denial is a blanket that can keep us warm and if someone removes my blanket and I get cold then I might have to get up and either get me another blanket, stand next to the fire or, take a look at what I am in denial about. I hope I will not shoot the messenger but, I might.....and you might too...
I have been the family scape goat and black sheep all my life. I do not appogize for it nor do I feel sorry for myself. I know I am at times impulsive and say things off the top of my head and get side tracked at times.
As far as I can tell this is a public place and if someone writes here than they might expect that sometimes people say things that are out of context or offensive or both.
I look forward to being offended (not attacked) by someones replies to what I say. I want to have a deeper look, I want to take the veil off my eyes. Each and every offence gives me the oppertunity to get my side of the street a little cleaner. If I say something that offends you believe me I am not sitting at my computer thinking up ways to offend. I am just giving my view and pointing out what I see. I think if you do not want anyone to comment on something you have written than you ought not write it here....
I am learning the difference between attack and offence. Attack leaves scars offence removes veils. I also know that denial is a blanket that can keep us warm and if someone removes my blanket and I get cold then I might have to get up and either get me another blanket, stand next to the fire or, take a look at what I am in denial about. I hope I will not shoot the messenger but, I might.....and you might too...
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Windsor ON
Posts: 2
I personally don't own up to anyone else's opinions or point of views. If I was to take offence to something you have said... .I look at myself to find out where that insecurity may have rooted from...... Which in turn is growth on my behalf...If you have a problem with what I say or type its your problem (If you need help I'd help you) If I have a problem about something you say or type thats my problem and I would take the right steps to deal with it. I work my own program and own up for my thoughts, feelings and action.....I am powerless over everyone else's.
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
If I stick to the principles of the 12 steps and 12 traditions, and how they apply to me, I don't offend too many people. I also realize that I would rather be happy than right. Today I don't have to make you understand me. You may not be in a place to understand me, or me you. But it is my job to try to understand where you are coming from. That helps me to understand me better. Hugs, Magic
Try A Little Tenderness...
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Ultimately, finding grace.
Posts: 200
Splendra,
I think your post is very interesting. I am curious to see the responses. I'd also like to point out that I'm not sure what it was that led you to post this, so I can only speak from my personal experience.
I'm sure there have been times I may have said things here at SR that were taken the wrong way...taken out of context...or simply not sat well with others.
I am a passionate person...you can sign me up for a "heated discussion" anytime. I think though, that like my relationships outside of SR...I often choose my words based on the length of time I've known someone. I may not say the same thing to a newbie, that I would say to someone I've corresponded with here many times. I feel someone who is more familiar with my personality can better understand that most of what I say here is said with a smile on my face, and love in my heart. I would never intentionally use my words to hurt someone or make them feel badly.
But...our medium here is not a perfect one. There is so much to be said for, tone of voice, body language, eye contact, facial expressions. All of these things are missing here. We use our written words to paint a picture, to express an idea or emotion. At the same time...when we are reading something...it is very easy to take what someone has said, and personalize it based on our state of mind as we are reading it.
There have been many times, I have read a post...maybe even hurriedly, and gotten a certain "message" or "feeling" from it...only to go back later and reread it, and get something totally different...from the exact same post.
There are some days when I am more sensitive than others. I think the same can be said by everyone. These are the times when I have to step back, look at what it is that is really bothering me. Most of the time, I can clearly see, it has nothing to do with something I've read...and everything to do with what emotion it has triggered in me.
Splendra, I think you are a pretty wonderful person...I would never imagine you intentionally hurting someone's feelings. I like the way you express yourself. I think at the end of the day...all we can take away with us, is that we are all human. We have good days, and bad days. But, at least we are communicating...and that's what it's all about, right? Much love...
I think your post is very interesting. I am curious to see the responses. I'd also like to point out that I'm not sure what it was that led you to post this, so I can only speak from my personal experience.
I'm sure there have been times I may have said things here at SR that were taken the wrong way...taken out of context...or simply not sat well with others.
I am a passionate person...you can sign me up for a "heated discussion" anytime. I think though, that like my relationships outside of SR...I often choose my words based on the length of time I've known someone. I may not say the same thing to a newbie, that I would say to someone I've corresponded with here many times. I feel someone who is more familiar with my personality can better understand that most of what I say here is said with a smile on my face, and love in my heart. I would never intentionally use my words to hurt someone or make them feel badly.
But...our medium here is not a perfect one. There is so much to be said for, tone of voice, body language, eye contact, facial expressions. All of these things are missing here. We use our written words to paint a picture, to express an idea or emotion. At the same time...when we are reading something...it is very easy to take what someone has said, and personalize it based on our state of mind as we are reading it.
There have been many times, I have read a post...maybe even hurriedly, and gotten a certain "message" or "feeling" from it...only to go back later and reread it, and get something totally different...from the exact same post.
There are some days when I am more sensitive than others. I think the same can be said by everyone. These are the times when I have to step back, look at what it is that is really bothering me. Most of the time, I can clearly see, it has nothing to do with something I've read...and everything to do with what emotion it has triggered in me.
Splendra, I think you are a pretty wonderful person...I would never imagine you intentionally hurting someone's feelings. I like the way you express yourself. I think at the end of the day...all we can take away with us, is that we are all human. We have good days, and bad days. But, at least we are communicating...and that's what it's all about, right? Much love...
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 727
Offended or attacked,comes,from my, ego.This is the only place within me that feels this.,way.Or i may have attack or offended thinking {called stinking thinking}and think everyone else is the same.When they disagree with me,or say something,i will see them as attacking,offending me.Ego again.To live and let live is hard,but not impossible.The more i let go of my ego,the more understanding i have of others.Can even let them disagree with me,without being disagreeable myself,and have peace,with it all.Not all the time,..Im human,and it depends on my spiritual condition,on how i respond,or even if i do respond.The more love i have ,within myself, the less hostel,i see the world and its people.I can choose to feel attacked and be offended or i can choose peace,understanding.Am reading this book today that tells me that i will offened 90% of people that i run into today,without even trying.Life on life terms.Its the price i pay for being human..lol...
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless take care!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless take care!!!!!!!!!
Last edited by Cap3; 03-02-2005 at 06:54 AM. Reason: adding to post
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Great Britain
Posts: 138
splendra to me offensiveness is directly related to insecurity.
Personally I think you have done or said nothing wrong. I find you very refreshing and honest. I think you are special too!!!
Personally I think you have done or said nothing wrong. I find you very refreshing and honest. I think you are special too!!!
Last edited by bluester; 03-03-2005 at 12:56 AM.
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I think what I am looking at is how I feel when I realize that something I say offends someone.
I have offended people all my life and have taken some pretty hard blows from it too. I have not always said things that offend sometimes it is just my presence that offended.....my curly red/blonde hair, big boobs, small waist,blue eyes,round butt, has triggered many a blow from others. I know that some people did not mean to offend me by talking to me while looking at my chest and making assumptions that I was a certain way because of how I looked but, none the less I became defensive and even offended by it and even blamed my look for being sexually attacked. Today I know that the sexual attaks had very little to do with my look and everything to do with my own victumhood in that this type of person can sence vulnerbility. When I started taking martial arts I developed a confidence that I believe got me off the victum track...
Being in recovery has helped me to see things I never saw before and when I see something sometimes I want to point it out. and sometimes I offend as a result. I have offended people here and I guess it does bother me in that I know I do not wish to cause another person pain. So if I offend some one have I caused their pain or, has their pain been their all a long and what I said made them aware? I know all of us here hurt otherwise we most likely would not be here. I am feeling insecure right now and realizing I have offended others does make me sad and I find myself reliving some of my past offendings. In my head I can figure this out but, in my heart I am suffering over it.
I have offended people all my life and have taken some pretty hard blows from it too. I have not always said things that offend sometimes it is just my presence that offended.....my curly red/blonde hair, big boobs, small waist,blue eyes,round butt, has triggered many a blow from others. I know that some people did not mean to offend me by talking to me while looking at my chest and making assumptions that I was a certain way because of how I looked but, none the less I became defensive and even offended by it and even blamed my look for being sexually attacked. Today I know that the sexual attaks had very little to do with my look and everything to do with my own victumhood in that this type of person can sence vulnerbility. When I started taking martial arts I developed a confidence that I believe got me off the victum track...
Being in recovery has helped me to see things I never saw before and when I see something sometimes I want to point it out. and sometimes I offend as a result. I have offended people here and I guess it does bother me in that I know I do not wish to cause another person pain. So if I offend some one have I caused their pain or, has their pain been their all a long and what I said made them aware? I know all of us here hurt otherwise we most likely would not be here. I am feeling insecure right now and realizing I have offended others does make me sad and I find myself reliving some of my past offendings. In my head I can figure this out but, in my heart I am suffering over it.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Does this kind go along with, I let myself get offended but what someone else has said?
I think that you are wonderful, wise person with alot of insight.
I know when I read someone's response to my post, I may get offended for a minute, and do you know why, they have hit on something that is really the truth. So I dont stay like that long, I end up being thankful in the end, because it made another lightbulb go off for me, or it may have given me something to think about in a different way and in a different point of view.
This is why I come here, I dont want to live in a fantasy anymore, I want reality, and here I get that, and I get that from alot of wonderful people with alot of different view points. I take what I want, and I leave the rest.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but we need to hurt so we can be further ahead in the long run.
Personally, I have never been offended by one of your posts, I have only been enlightened. I want to thank you for that.
I think that you are wonderful, wise person with alot of insight.
I know when I read someone's response to my post, I may get offended for a minute, and do you know why, they have hit on something that is really the truth. So I dont stay like that long, I end up being thankful in the end, because it made another lightbulb go off for me, or it may have given me something to think about in a different way and in a different point of view.
This is why I come here, I dont want to live in a fantasy anymore, I want reality, and here I get that, and I get that from alot of wonderful people with alot of different view points. I take what I want, and I leave the rest.
Sometimes the truth hurts, but we need to hurt so we can be further ahead in the long run.
Personally, I have never been offended by one of your posts, I have only been enlightened. I want to thank you for that.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Canada
Posts: 13
Well i like this saying "Take what you want and leave the rest." Right! So why should I be offended and if for a slight moment then what ever has offended me must be something I need to work ok. Just me...
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Great Britain
Posts: 138
Splendra,time to leave. Sorry to hickjack your thread. I have alot of respect for you and wouldn't offend or hurt you in any way...on purpose. Good luck and take care.
Last edited by bluester; 03-03-2005 at 01:00 AM.
the girl can't help it
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
As far as I am concerned you can blow up, derail, add to, substract from, detail, nit pic, anything in one of my threads and I hope to God that some one can offend me and not attack.....
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Originally Posted by splendra
my inbox is cleared now...
Splendra
This is a tricky forum (I mean SR as a whole) to know whether one is being helpful or offensive. I know that I struggle with the wording of some of my posts so that I'm not treading on toes that are already battered and bruised.
I know that if I am taken aback by somebody's reply to me, I have to look first at my own response and check that I'm not being triggered. If not, I have to be compassionate and realise that I don't understand exactly what has driven that person to make a particular remark. You know, if my motivation is good, then it is likely that I am treading on someone else's issues. I need to keep an open mind on this and not take everything personally. It is not often we get trolls round here, and we are only trying to help each other. Just because we are all dealing with the same issues, doesn't mean that we'd all get along in RL.
Thanks for an interesting discussion.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Splendra,
I really like what you have to say, and I have been giving this a lot of thought. One thing that came to me is that Al-Anons have a luxury in their recovery that alcoholics and addicts don't have. The luxury of time. Our slips aren't going to physically kill us. The gentler approach of Al-Anon is that in time people will hit their own bottom and come to their own realizations.
AA and NA realize the real life and death struggle that is going on with their members. I am grateful they take the approach that the truth may hurt, but the disease is going to kill you. An Al-Anon slip is not going to trigger the allergy, or compulsion, that once triggered takes away any choice or will. There is the difference. My mental obsessions can drive me to do things that eventually can kill or institutionalize me, but I don't have that one element that seperates me.
Nobody is wrong in their approach to recovery. But the Al-Anon approach for an Alcoholic could kill them. Thank God we can all find the help we need. Hugs, Magic
I really like what you have to say, and I have been giving this a lot of thought. One thing that came to me is that Al-Anons have a luxury in their recovery that alcoholics and addicts don't have. The luxury of time. Our slips aren't going to physically kill us. The gentler approach of Al-Anon is that in time people will hit their own bottom and come to their own realizations.
AA and NA realize the real life and death struggle that is going on with their members. I am grateful they take the approach that the truth may hurt, but the disease is going to kill you. An Al-Anon slip is not going to trigger the allergy, or compulsion, that once triggered takes away any choice or will. There is the difference. My mental obsessions can drive me to do things that eventually can kill or institutionalize me, but I don't have that one element that seperates me.
Nobody is wrong in their approach to recovery. But the Al-Anon approach for an Alcoholic could kill them. Thank God we can all find the help we need. Hugs, Magic
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