ahcb

Hi Folks,

Just a quick question. Does your spouse (bf,gf,in between) know you post here? Reason? Last night while reading on this site my wife walked by (she had been in bed) When I went to click the screen over it didnt so i just shut the system down. I will admit it looked odd and i think if my wife was shutting the computer down so i would not see something as i walked by, i to would be ticked. or wondering what the heck she was doing. (not sure if she is, but really cant blame her for wondering))

So do I Let her know that I am "active" here as she is in her meetings, or do I just let her go on thinking if she is, that I was probably looking at "naked amazon woman playing guitar while swinging nude (thus the naked part) from trees. Or that i am doing other things on the computer (such as talking to naked amazon woman who plays guitar while swinging nude (thus the naked part) from trees?

Your thoughts...

P.S. If there are any amazon woman who enjoy playing guitar and swinging from trees, no insult intended. (call me!)

(kidding)

minnie

My ex knows that I post on here and always did whilst we were together. Why? Because I introduced him to SR as I thought it might "help". Can you tell this was before I got into recovery?

He used to post on here and things were getting difficult because he seemed to follow me around the boards and post on the F&F forum. I felt like I was being watched all the time, especially after we split up. I did a lot of soul-searching about this and then decided that I wasn't going to moderate what I wrote - if he couldn't handle it, that was his problem. It was odd, becuase he then stopped posting about a month ago. I didn't even say anything.

Anyway, enough about me. I would be honest with your wife. If she doesn't understand about reaching out for support among people with the same experience, then no-one will.

take care

Minnie
xxx

queenofthehwy

Achb,

No my AH does not know I post here. He would be very upset if he found out. To him things should be private and why should I be talking about our problems with strangers. But he has a lot of other issue besides A.

I hide it, I will not stop posting even if he did find out, it's way too important to ME.

Mindi

JessicaNAJ

My AH knows I post here. Whenever he sees me on the computer, he asks me if I'm talking to my buddies (sarcasm).

I've told him in the past that I go here for support. He don't ask what I type about. He thinks its all crap.

Sometimes I wish he would read what I post. But he's computer illiterate.

Aquiana

When my Abf "caught" me on here he asked what it was so I told him. I sometimes wish he didn't know but I guess I should have been smart enough not to get caught then. He and I have some trust issues. He's lied quite a bit in the past. I try to set an example and be as honest with him as I can. After all, I expect that from him so I guess it's only fair. Like you said in your post, I'd sure be suspicious if I came in and found him scrambling to close windows before I could see. I'd ask, and I'd expect him to tell the truth. If your wife doesn't ask then maybe it's not that important to her, maybe she trusts you enough to know it's innocent so I wouldn't volunteer the info. If she does ask, if it was me I'd tell the truth.

Telling of course invites them to read what you've written. I decided not to censor anything I write either. If abf disagrees with something he can talk to me about it. He also has the ability to decide not to read things if he doesn't want to know. He's knows this is all anonnomous(bad spelling) so he seems okay with it. He'd prefer that to my talking to family and friends around town about it.

Cap3

Im clear and open.If i think hub is wondering about something im doing i tell him.He has watched me respond to posts here.And i would really like it if he would post here too.But he has no interest.He doesn't type.I tried to teach him how,to type like i do, with my one finger,one da keys...lol..He has read some posts,here,and my responses.sometimes mentioning him,with his permission,to do so..He has lots of es and h,to share.He does this face to face.He,s of the elder generation.Cant understand talking,or responding,to folks on a machine,,,.Thinks im crazy.And thats ok,not the first time he has thought this about me,,hehehee...

cwohio

mine does not know i post here - i think mine would feel the same way as mindi's - he hates when i confide in mutual friends of ours - they are my support too, so i'm pretty sure he would be offended. i'm not doing anything illegal, immoral, so i don't feel bad that i want my privacy. if he would ever get into recovery i might share the site address and tell him then.

Peaches04

well, I am an amazon woman who enjoys playing guitar and swinging from trees...but... My AH does know I post here, and I don't care. I was so low, I would have done anything to make myself better, and he knew that. I found this place and it brought me so much healing - the difference in myself was very noticeable to him too. He told me he was actually very happy for me that I found it and that he could tell how much it seemed to help me. Now, since then, he has made some semi-sarcastic comments like "go to your safe place"... etc. But, it doesn't bother me and I don't care. This is for me...just like his beer if for him I guess. But, I will say that my AH is respectful of me in this type of instance, and would not invade my privacy - either out of respect or fear he may see the truth? So, I would have to say it depends on your wife....if she is honest and understands the importance of recovery and a safe place, and would not invade your space - I would tell her. As a wife, I would be very suspicious if my AH shut down the screen really quickly - and in the early stages of recovery and trying to save a marriage - I would guess honesty is vital. But, I think you would really be the best judge of her ability to respect your privacy. Good luck!!

Peaches04

Just a final note which I think is important too... I would not care if my AH did read my posts. If you would care, then I might not tell her. That she will read them is always a possibility. But, honestly ahcb - I think she'd be quite proud of you, if she did!

Chuckles101301

My AH knows I post here. He is happy I have found ways to help myself feel better. He knows about the site, but hasn't posted. He also has not looked at my posts. I guess I am pretty lucky that it isn't an issue!

equus

No,

It's anonymous, seperate from my real life, valued but for me. I keep his confidences and I don't want to discuss things I talk about here with our mutual friends but it's healthy for me to hear other opinions back so I use SR.

Most (nearly all) of what I discuss here I talk about with him too. Certainly all the bits that are more than 'just' me, he wouldn't have surprises if he saw what's here but I keep it private so that I can be open without having to worry. Sometimes I've posted to get my own head round stuff before I've talked to him.

It feels healthy and harmless so in the whole scheme of things I don't worry about it being private.

Aquiana

Just on a side note, I didn't put it in my first response but my Abf has read my posts. I've seen him reading them. The thing that's a little odd I find is that he never says a word. I know they don't always paint him in a great light and I know he doesn't always agree with my opinions on his behavior. I expected a backlash the first time he read them. I expected him to be angry or tell me none of it was true but he doesn't do it. He just doesn't say a word. It's actually somewhat unnerving. I mean I guess that's good it doesn't become a big fight but....oh, why try to figure out what's going on in his head. I'll never know. lol

Chy

Has she asked? I'm the A in my family and hubby can't help but notice what I do here. Though not once has he invaded my privacy, invaded my space. If he did, he'd see me still working on my recovery. It's a personal thing for each of us. Some have a definite need to keep this their private domain, some find the need to share it with loved ones, some hope their loved ones read it. It's all up to you. But one thing, sneaking around trying to hide it will only add to the stress, it can be real simple, "Hon I found a great site I find real supportive", better that then her thinking your looking at naked Amazon women! ... then again, if she hasn't asked...

bluester

My AH doesn't know I post here. Don't intend on telling him either. This is where I can come and be myself...without him interfering in what I am doing or writing. Good to have a place to come...that is private.

FormerDoormat

Hi ACHB:

I haven't told my AB that I post here, but I don't hide it, either. Just this second he's sitting beside me eating a late breakfast (we had an ice storm here today, so we took the day off). I openly come to this site, leave the window open when I'm away from the computer and post away when he's in the room. If he asks me what I'm doing, I would tell him. But so far, he hasn't. I doubt my AB would visit the site or read my private posts. He's a very private person, so he's always respectful my privacy, too.

Only you know the right way to handle the situation, because you know your wife; we don't. If you decide not to share this site with her, here's a very effective/fast way to close the window (since clicking on the X at the top of the sceen with your mouse is difficult when you're in a hurry).

When you visit SR, always keep one other application open and running in the background. That way instead of desperately trying to quickly close the window, all you need to do is hold down your Alt key plus the Tab key. That key combination quickly switches you to the other program, leaving SR open in the background. You can use this method to switch between multiple programs (I often have 6 or more applications running at the same time and just switch between them at will). You simply hold the Alt key and repeatedly depress the Tab key to switch between all your open programs/windows.

zoe

My husband knows that I come here. I spent quite a bit of time on this site when he was home and I did not bother to hide it. He knows that I have been getting help for myself(anon meetings,SR,talking with my family). I have made it very clear that I will not hide his drinking from anyone. He however is not computer literate so him reading my posts is not a concern. It would not be a concern even if he knew how to turn the thing on. The only person I worry about is my son.
Zoe

elizabeth1979

Mine knows I come here, but has no idea how often. He thinks I am online chatting with naked men who I have cyber sex with and that I come here to find a new man. He too frequently refers to everyone here as my 'buddies'. I should tell him that I have no time for myself, let alone another man.

ahcb

Hi All,

Just to clear something up. If she were to ask, I would be honest, there is nothing wrong in what we do here. I do not believe she would have a problem with that at any level. I was just curious as to who knew, if anyone.

Magichappens

Mr Magic knows I post here. He also knows where my journals are. It used to bother me, but today I live my life as openly and honestly as possible. There are no secrets that can hurt me today, and if one gets dredged up from the past, I can deal with it.

This hasn't always been the case. I have been very guarded with my recovery. I felt very fragile and vulnerable. I was afraid of myself and how easily drawn back into my sickness I can be. Time and working the program have helped me to find strength in myself.

If Mr Magic ever read my posts or my journal, he never openly flaunted it. For any personal issues that I needed to work through and feel as safe as possible, I went to my therapist or my sponsor. Hugs, Magic

little_lionness

My abf knows that I post here but he does not know my user name and never tried too see what I was writing. He thinks that if it makes me feel better thats great.