AA promotes half truths and deception?
But Very, Very Bruisable...
Join Date: Feb 2001
Location: Palm Springs, Ca.
Posts: 548
It is not possible for "AA" to promote half-truths. AA is a group of individuals-all with self-will and freedom of choice.
AA can't lie because it doesn't talk.
AA cannot cheat-all of AA's "rules" are interpreted and acted upon as the group or individual see fit.
AA is not a company. Nor is it a club or clique.
Alcoholics Anonymous is the name of a book written by a group of drunks, who found that by telling their stories, following the lead of someone sober a little longer, and doing some personal housecleaning, that they stayed sober.
I would love to write a great ending here, but thats all there is. AA doesn't "do" anything. Like any church, synagoguge, political party, or family, the actions of the individual are the responsibility of the individual.
Hmmmmmm...who got the blame BEFORE AA???
AA can't lie because it doesn't talk.
AA cannot cheat-all of AA's "rules" are interpreted and acted upon as the group or individual see fit.
AA is not a company. Nor is it a club or clique.
Alcoholics Anonymous is the name of a book written by a group of drunks, who found that by telling their stories, following the lead of someone sober a little longer, and doing some personal housecleaning, that they stayed sober.
I would love to write a great ending here, but thats all there is. AA doesn't "do" anything. Like any church, synagoguge, political party, or family, the actions of the individual are the responsibility of the individual.
Hmmmmmm...who got the blame BEFORE AA???
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Alcoholics Anonymous is the name of a book written by a group of drunks, who found that by telling their stories, following the lead of someone sober a little longer, and doing some personal housecleaning, that they stayed sober.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Sssssiiiiiiigggghhhh.
All of A.A is not a dishonest, hornetsnest of a dating game.
A.A does promote honesty, but honesty can only be acheived by the people who have the capacity to do it and not everyone has that capacity.
Or a lot of people do have that capacity but they only reach it at certain stages.
Ngaire
All of A.A is not a dishonest, hornetsnest of a dating game.
A.A does promote honesty, but honesty can only be acheived by the people who have the capacity to do it and not everyone has that capacity.
Or a lot of people do have that capacity but they only reach it at certain stages.
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: London
Posts: 448
Originally Posted by gelfling
You don't need to worry about the other person. Just yourself while at an alanon meeting. Sure, a lot of this stuff goes on. The approach I take is that I'm at a meeting to help myself and I will give credit to the alcoholic next door who is possibly "again" making an attempt to gain sobriety. It's not for us to fill them in on what's really going on. I wouldn't want to know. Especially if I was healing. I'm getting stronger and healthier. I wouldn't want anyone to tell me that my husband is still drinking. And in the process, I learn that I can get through this without him. The issue of honesty is with the alcoholic. It is up to him to be honest with himself first. No one else matters.
Try and find other meetings. There's lots out there.
Take care and blessings.
Try and find other meetings. There's lots out there.
Take care and blessings.
What a great attitude. I am a sober A married to someone who never knew me drinking. I don't get involved in her stuff. She goes on holiday, I'm not going to drive myself mad with thoughts of 'what is she doing'. She either wants me or she doesn't. Paradoxically, the more freedom she has, the more she appreciates it. My self-esteem has to come from me and I have enough today to know that I can move on and be with someone else if I choose. I was married to an AA member once. I never worried about her at meetings. If she cheated it would have reflected on her, not me. For me Gelfing's post represented real independence of the spirit.
Harleygirl
The suggested AA program and literature encourages rigorous honesty and making restitution for harm done. But it has no powers of enforcement over individuals who drink or cheat on their partners. I personally would feel angry in your situation, but for me, Gelfing hints at the direction of the solution. regards
Member
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: new mexico
Posts: 42
harlygirl and dax,
I have written in past "my thoughts" on some of things people in meetings and Rehab do as far as Rehab Romeos, etc... Just as in life, every group you have good and bad individuals. AA or Alanon no exception. Some groups are a better fit for a person than others. When one has actions or people not compatable to your recovery beliefs, shop around. Find people you can identify with.
My feelings, ANY MEETING IS BETTER THAN NO MEETING!!!!!!!
Common factor I've found: RECOVERY RUBS OFF!!!!! Whether in AA, NA, Alanon, etc...
larry
I have written in past "my thoughts" on some of things people in meetings and Rehab do as far as Rehab Romeos, etc... Just as in life, every group you have good and bad individuals. AA or Alanon no exception. Some groups are a better fit for a person than others. When one has actions or people not compatable to your recovery beliefs, shop around. Find people you can identify with.
My feelings, ANY MEETING IS BETTER THAN NO MEETING!!!!!!!
Common factor I've found: RECOVERY RUBS OFF!!!!! Whether in AA, NA, Alanon, etc...
larry
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Posted by Jon
It is not possible for "AA" to promote half-truths. AA is a group of individuals-all with self-will and freedom of choice.
AA can't lie because it doesn't talk.
AA cannot cheat-all of AA's "rules" are interpreted and acted upon as the group or individual see fit.
AA is not a company. Nor is it a club or clique.
Alcoholics Anonymous is the name of a book written by a group of drunks, who found that by telling their stories, following the lead of someone sober a little longer, and doing some personal housecleaning, that they stayed sober.
I would love to write a great ending here, but thats all there is. AA doesn't "do" anything. Like any church, synagoguge, political party, or family, the actions of the individual are the responsibility of the individual.
Hmmmmmm...who got the blame BEFORE AA???
It is not possible for "AA" to promote half-truths. AA is a group of individuals-all with self-will and freedom of choice.
AA can't lie because it doesn't talk.
AA cannot cheat-all of AA's "rules" are interpreted and acted upon as the group or individual see fit.
AA is not a company. Nor is it a club or clique.
Alcoholics Anonymous is the name of a book written by a group of drunks, who found that by telling their stories, following the lead of someone sober a little longer, and doing some personal housecleaning, that they stayed sober.
I would love to write a great ending here, but thats all there is. AA doesn't "do" anything. Like any church, synagoguge, political party, or family, the actions of the individual are the responsibility of the individual.
Hmmmmmm...who got the blame BEFORE AA???
thank you
Patsy
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
Anonymity and confidentiallity are essential in meetings. This tool is also used in professional therapy. It gives the person a safe place to work through distorted thinking and find options that they otherwise might not have had. Basically, there are no tattletales in 12 step programs. Sorry this doesn't sit well with you, but many sick people don't know what is true and what is fantasy or distortion until they work through it.
Acting on distorted thinking is a lot of what causes problems in peoples lives in the first place. Giving recovery time to change attitudes and outlooks allows people to come to know their own truth and reveal those when they are ready. When the tools of the program are used properly, such as sponsorship, literature, and fellowship, the change can be profound and cause lasting recovery. There is no garantee that an individual will practice the principles offered by 12 step recovery. It is an individual decision.
There are many who distrust this process of recovery. There are many who go to meetings and don't apply the program to their life, then claim that AA or Al-Anon has failed them. But there are many who have found personal serenity, happiness, and freedom from their individual application of these principles. Those were the people I sought out to teach me. It has worked for me. My life is a living testament to 12 step recovery.
Contempt prior to investigation will keep us in ignorance. Giving the process a chance, being willing to try the suggestions is the only way someone will find out for themself if it works. Hugs, Magic
Acting on distorted thinking is a lot of what causes problems in peoples lives in the first place. Giving recovery time to change attitudes and outlooks allows people to come to know their own truth and reveal those when they are ready. When the tools of the program are used properly, such as sponsorship, literature, and fellowship, the change can be profound and cause lasting recovery. There is no garantee that an individual will practice the principles offered by 12 step recovery. It is an individual decision.
There are many who distrust this process of recovery. There are many who go to meetings and don't apply the program to their life, then claim that AA or Al-Anon has failed them. But there are many who have found personal serenity, happiness, and freedom from their individual application of these principles. Those were the people I sought out to teach me. It has worked for me. My life is a living testament to 12 step recovery.
Contempt prior to investigation will keep us in ignorance. Giving the process a chance, being willing to try the suggestions is the only way someone will find out for themself if it works. Hugs, Magic
((((((((((Magic))))))))))))) Thank you so much for sharing your experience, stength, hope and wisdom.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Boston
Posts: 710
If both spouses work their own programs. they ususally drift along on parallel lines working in their own program family but drifting futher apart from each other.
Attending the fellowship only.... is NOT working the program.
Working the program IS doing the inside work. Recovery is an inside job....thats "working" the program.
There is a drifting apart of a couple.. for a while, because both people in the relationship have been so effected by alcoholism, that if they continue to do the same things that they have always done, then they will continue to get what they have always gotten. Hurting feelings, miscommunication, taking everything personal, trying to control the other, stuffing ones feelings, blaming the other, and simply repeating the same old process of unhealthy thinking, words, actions, and deeds. If nothing changes, then nothing changes.
The relationship didn't work before AA, and it won't work now without recovery. So why would couples continue to do the same thing over and over and over again? Simple, because this disease is cunning, baffling and powerful, and they simply do not know another way.
When each person keeps the focus on themselves, and begins to work, apply and practice the 12 Steps in their own life first, then and only THEN can they bring a much healthier person to the table and to begin really working within the relationship.
Whats imperative is that individually, we begin the work, because if we do not do the work for ourselves first, as individuals.........then the relationship will remain SICK, and it will simply go on as it always had.... until it ends, one way or another.
Without changing the person we brought through those doors of AA and/or Alanon..... individually and for ourselves...... then we will simply continue to do the same thing over and over again, expecting different results. Yes, that IS insanity, expecially when we have a way out through the 12 Steps.
We are not bad people trying to get good, we are sick people trying to get well, whether we are AA, or Alanon.
A relationship is only as healthy, as the sickest person in it. Thats not what I want to bring to the table today, I have a program of recovery, and if I choose not to use it, then ALL my relationships will suffer.
Let It Begin With Me, because thats the only one that I can do anything about.... whether the other chooses recovery or not.
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