addictswife

Ok now I know that I am losing control, this weekend I spent money that I CANT afford to pay some women who was supposedly able to lift a curse off my husband and I. Why did I do it, I just wanted a cure any cure, my brain said you fool, my heart said what if she really can help.

Today I am going to try to do something for myself, because the reason I picked this name is because that is how I define myself, thats all I have become, even when he was in recovery I was constantly watching what I said in case it pushed him over the edge. Yesterday at the store I had a guy pay me a compliment and I looked around for who he was talking to, its been that long since I have felt worthy of a compliment. I dont even know who the heck I am anymore, I couldnt tell you my favorite anything and that is depressing.

Should I talk to my husband about my feelings or is it not worth it?

splendra

Hey there-

I know how much it hurts to be involved with someone who puts using ahead of everything else. People who are desparate do desparate things. There are lots of preditors out there willing to take your money too.

At this point the best thing you can do is take care of yourself, take your focus off of your H and do something for you. Take a bath, do your nails with a girlfriend or, find an alanon or naranon meeting and get some support.....heck do all of those things.....

In our worry about our A's we loose ourselves and we have to get us back. We have to do that if our lives are ever going to make sence. So get you back. Keep coming here and posting and we will be here for you.....

TinyVoice

My first thought - gut reaction - when you said should I talk to my husband about my feelings? Was NO. I guess my gut instinct was to say go get to a counselor or an Nar-anon or Al-anon meeting. TAlk to someone else first. Get your feelings out as you may not even know exactly what you ARE feeling. So before you talk to him, get the focus back on you. SPlendra is right. Focus on you for a while. YOu have really lost yourself. Get back in touch. It will do you and your SO a world of good. REally. It does no one any good to lose yourself.

walkingtheline

with the others. Get to a meeting and attend regularly. Focus on you. I'll bet you are a great deal more than a addicts wife...and you've lost focus on the other aspects of your life.

Take a look at Splendra's list now, add to it!

Come back and let us know how you're doing...and introduce us to your discoveries!

cwohio

definitely find a meeting - regular attendance will help you big time. come back here often and join our wonderful family - we know the road you are walking!

hugs - chris

FormerDoormat

Evening Dear:

I'll call you Dear since I refuse to call you "AddictsWife" because you're much more than that. Now, let's get down to business: First, I don't believe you wasted your money by asking that a curse be lifted off you and your husband because it worked, in a sense. Now stay with me here, as I don't believe any human possesses such devine powers. The reason it appears to be money well spent is because it brought you here. You see, SoberRecovery can help lift this terrible curse from your life. It can help you realize that YOU have the power to lift the curse yourself. In fact, you've had it all along.

It's like Glenda the Good Witch told Dorothy in the final scene of the Wizard of Oz, "You had the power all along, but you wouldn't have believed me if I told you. You had to learn it yourself."

So, my dear, just click your heels together three times and say, "There's a better life for me; There's a better life for me; There's a better life for me."

You can choose to stay the course in an unhealthy relationship and truly feel as if you're cursed, or you can decide to change the things you CAN change, and that is YOU. You can choose to leave your codie ways behind and find peace. You're not in Kansas anymore, you're in SoberRecovery, and you're among friends.

prodigal

I can feel your pain through your post. I can feel your sense of desperation and hopelessness. Believe me, we're all walking the same road. The only thing I can tell you is you need to get to meetings. You'll get support. You'll get phone numbers of people who will tell you: "Call me at 3 a.m. if things get rough." You'll hear stories you can relate to.

God, how I wish I could erase the pain of every single person who posts here, but I can't do that. I have no control over anyone but myself. And I can't erase your pain ... but maybe I can help just a little bit.

I spent months talking myself out of Al-Anon and thinking up all the reasons I didn't have to go. And finally I went when I felt I was losing my sanity. I'm still insane, but now I have more tools to help me over the insanity and now I feel just a little bit more sane.

jessieandme2003

This is the part that hit right to my heart.

Because what we really want is a partner we COULD tell our feelings to, and one who would be capable of caring and of focusing on our feelings and helping us to address them. We believe we are that for them, right?

But our A's can't be that for us, they can't even be that for themselves usually.

And in some cases it's even worse, our A's are actively manipulating our feelings and the things we share with them, as they try to keep us under their control. That's how it was for me, so talking to him usually ended up with things being worse in my head than ever.

I recommend the same as the others, talk here, talk at a meeting, talk to a counselor. It all helps so much to talk to others who have bene there, who know what you are feeling, and can truly understand without judging.