Early stage signs of alcoholism
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: in between
Posts: 10
Early stage signs of alcoholism
I am finding it useful/interesting to list all the things I saw, but didn't necessarily recognize-so here they are! 
1. Bought a t shirt that reads "I need a drink".
2. Only hangs out with other people who drink/use.
3. Organizes his life around drinking/using activities and isn't much interesting in other things.
4. Constantly lost or left important things at bars and other places: passports, IDs, credit cards, phone.
5. Drove drunk multiple times.
6. Lives in a neighborhood where he is near all his buddies and can walk to bars specificaqlly so he doesn't have to drive around the city too much.
7. My recovering alcoholic friend noticed when we had dinner with she and her husband that he majorly gulped his drinks.
8. Often double-fisted drinks (got 4 for us two instead of just two drinks).
9. Our very first and almost only fight was about the fact that he was disappointed that I didn't like to stay at bars until they closed.
10. One of the few nights I spent with him, his parents, and sister, his parents both got drunk and then shouldn't have driven an hour and a half home from where we were, so he enabled by trying to call around and see if he could get a hotel room for them (they drove anyway). Then later that night his sister and he drove drunk to the dealer's.
11. Every roommate he's had since I've known him (several different ones) have drank and used, various drugs.
12. Every night we had a "date" he ended up staying out with his buddies and I ended up going home alone, even though he said I was his "top priority".
13. When I once mentioned that I would use with him if we had something around (I have recreationally used in the past and have not abused or been addicted to anything) he was on the phone to his dealer no more than 60 seconds later to hook up.
14. After that point he was using coke every single weekend until we broke up (since then, I have no idea).
15. He won't discuss his drinking or drug use, gets immediately defensive and shifts the focus. "He's young, he's still in his partying phase", as well.
16. Frequently went to work hung over, wasn't able to pack for business trips because he was too high.
17. Began having sex with me far less frequently, couldn't perform at times, and was very defensive about it.
18. Way prioritized his drinking and staying out above having sex with me.
I'm sure there are more, just can't think of them. Want to catalog yours? Do these symptoms sound familiar to anyone?
Quack
1. Bought a t shirt that reads "I need a drink".
2. Only hangs out with other people who drink/use.
3. Organizes his life around drinking/using activities and isn't much interesting in other things.
4. Constantly lost or left important things at bars and other places: passports, IDs, credit cards, phone.
5. Drove drunk multiple times.
6. Lives in a neighborhood where he is near all his buddies and can walk to bars specificaqlly so he doesn't have to drive around the city too much.
7. My recovering alcoholic friend noticed when we had dinner with she and her husband that he majorly gulped his drinks.
8. Often double-fisted drinks (got 4 for us two instead of just two drinks).
9. Our very first and almost only fight was about the fact that he was disappointed that I didn't like to stay at bars until they closed.
10. One of the few nights I spent with him, his parents, and sister, his parents both got drunk and then shouldn't have driven an hour and a half home from where we were, so he enabled by trying to call around and see if he could get a hotel room for them (they drove anyway). Then later that night his sister and he drove drunk to the dealer's.
11. Every roommate he's had since I've known him (several different ones) have drank and used, various drugs.
12. Every night we had a "date" he ended up staying out with his buddies and I ended up going home alone, even though he said I was his "top priority".
13. When I once mentioned that I would use with him if we had something around (I have recreationally used in the past and have not abused or been addicted to anything) he was on the phone to his dealer no more than 60 seconds later to hook up.
14. After that point he was using coke every single weekend until we broke up (since then, I have no idea).
15. He won't discuss his drinking or drug use, gets immediately defensive and shifts the focus. "He's young, he's still in his partying phase", as well.
16. Frequently went to work hung over, wasn't able to pack for business trips because he was too high.
17. Began having sex with me far less frequently, couldn't perform at times, and was very defensive about it.
18. Way prioritized his drinking and staying out above having sex with me.
I'm sure there are more, just can't think of them. Want to catalog yours? Do these symptoms sound familiar to anyone?
Quack
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Great Britain
Posts: 138
If I were in my 20s and a man with these...signs of alcoholism,came into my life...knowing what I know now....I WOULD RUN AS FAST AND AS FAR AS I COULD GET FROM THIS PERSON. Life is to short to be spend in missery and pain.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
One of the problems, tho, is that at first we did not recognize these behaviors. I met my hub when we were both in our 20's. We both went out and got loaded. He more than I, but when you don't have kids, you don't see a problem with going out on Saturday night and getting a load on. After all, you can recover all Day Sunday.
When you get more responsibilities (ie- children) that is when things have to change. When I was pregnant and could no longer drink, his drinking got much much worse. Or maybe I was just recognizing it? After the twins were born, I tried drinking again. but hangovers and infant twins don't go well together, so I stopped. And, since I was taking care of the kids, he just escalated..
Even now, I still like to have a few beers, but can't drink more than 3. 1 goes down well. 2 goes a little slower, and by 3, I'm forcing it, and don't even finish. That's if I even get to 3.
Prior to my hub, I did not have experience with A's, and so did not recognize the signs.(except for my old psycho boyfriend, but that's a whole 'nother issue) I am more aware now, and wish I had known then!!
Also, I can see a lot of my H in that list..however, #1 should be changed to include a short that says "I don't have a drinking problem. I get drunk, I fall down, no problem"!!!!!
When you get more responsibilities (ie- children) that is when things have to change. When I was pregnant and could no longer drink, his drinking got much much worse. Or maybe I was just recognizing it? After the twins were born, I tried drinking again. but hangovers and infant twins don't go well together, so I stopped. And, since I was taking care of the kids, he just escalated..
Even now, I still like to have a few beers, but can't drink more than 3. 1 goes down well. 2 goes a little slower, and by 3, I'm forcing it, and don't even finish. That's if I even get to 3.
Prior to my hub, I did not have experience with A's, and so did not recognize the signs.(except for my old psycho boyfriend, but that's a whole 'nother issue) I am more aware now, and wish I had known then!!
Also, I can see a lot of my H in that list..however, #1 should be changed to include a short that says "I don't have a drinking problem. I get drunk, I fall down, no problem"!!!!!
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: My happy place
Posts: 1,788
my list of signs
1. sleeps through alarms and is late to work
2. forgets to set his alarm and is late for wok
3. forgets when he is supposed to be at work
4. loses his job
5. constant stomach aggrivation
6. never able to eat
7. chronic over use of cologne
8. showered mulitple times a day
9. doesnt want to be social with anyone for fear they will notice he is drunk
ok, thats it for now
2. forgets to set his alarm and is late for wok
3. forgets when he is supposed to be at work
4. loses his job
5. constant stomach aggrivation
6. never able to eat
7. chronic over use of cologne
8. showered mulitple times a day
9. doesnt want to be social with anyone for fear they will notice he is drunk
ok, thats it for now
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: in between
Posts: 10
Bluester, I did run as far and as fast as I could, and I am gone now. I just found it interesting to reflect on what I had seen at different times in the relationship and not known what was being indicated. I'd never had a relationship with an A before and didn't know what was going on...also, I'm 30 and not in my twenties so I had even less of a desire to go out and get trashed than he did. I do hope he gets better, but I also have a hard time when I tell myself "maybe he will grow out of it and I won't be there?". But I still couldn't have standed it another minute.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 782
I made my first post a few days ago because I didn't know whether to get out now while I can or not (young married, no kids). After doing a lot of reading, I think my husband is not an A, but a "problem drinker." But he does exhibit a lot of those signs in the first post. After about a 4 day drunk, I told him we couldn't live like this, and he said OK. So the past 3 days, neither of us has drank anything (I really enjoy a beer after work on most days and a couple on the weekends, but I'm trying to set an example). Do you all think that at this point, we can prevent going down the road so many of you have? My big thing is that we will not have kids in the relationship we were in, but it sounds like things only got worse when one poster got pregnant. We're not trying for kids or anything right now, but I want to figure all of this out before an unplanned one slips through.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
1. Always topping up my wine glass without asking. Alcholics love company.
2. Having to stop off for a "quick one"
3. "popping" to the pub for a pint at luch time.
4. Not letting me cook - more time in the kitchen drinking on his own
5. Breakfast in bed - so he could finish off last night's wine
6. All-inclusive holidays - and always being the one who goes to the bar
7. 2 failed marriages
8. Hidden debt
9. No hobbies
10. No friends
11. Attempts to isolate me
12. Rash decision making
13. No decision making
14. Excessive neediness
15. First and only time I met his mother, she told me not to trust him
16. What I thought was a stalker ex-wife. She may not have been the most stable of people, but I know now that she was trying to warn me.
17. Falling asleep at 9pm and waking up when I'd gone to bed. Than wanting sex.
18. Sulking because I wouldn't have sex because I had been asleep.
I could go on......
There are so many red flags when I look back - I don't know how I could have been so blind.
However, because I have had this relationship, some of my life-long emotional problems have come and hit me right in the face and I have had to deal with them. I am now healthier than I have ever been. I now know that I will never get involved in this kind of relationship again, even if it means that I never meet anyone else. (although I hope that isn't the case, as I am only 31!). I would rather be single for the rest of my life.
2. Having to stop off for a "quick one"
3. "popping" to the pub for a pint at luch time.
4. Not letting me cook - more time in the kitchen drinking on his own
5. Breakfast in bed - so he could finish off last night's wine
6. All-inclusive holidays - and always being the one who goes to the bar
7. 2 failed marriages
8. Hidden debt
9. No hobbies
10. No friends
11. Attempts to isolate me
12. Rash decision making
13. No decision making
14. Excessive neediness
15. First and only time I met his mother, she told me not to trust him
16. What I thought was a stalker ex-wife. She may not have been the most stable of people, but I know now that she was trying to warn me.
17. Falling asleep at 9pm and waking up when I'd gone to bed. Than wanting sex.
18. Sulking because I wouldn't have sex because I had been asleep.
I could go on......
There are so many red flags when I look back - I don't know how I could have been so blind.
However, because I have had this relationship, some of my life-long emotional problems have come and hit me right in the face and I have had to deal with them. I am now healthier than I have ever been. I now know that I will never get involved in this kind of relationship again, even if it means that I never meet anyone else. (although I hope that isn't the case, as I am only 31!). I would rather be single for the rest of my life.
Cruelty-Free
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Body: South Florida Heart: Yosemite National Park
Posts: 914
Originally Posted by TexasGirl
After doing a lot of reading, I think my husband is not an A, but a "problem drinker." But he does exhibit a lot of those signs in the first post.
I personally ascribe to the theory that "if it causes a problem, then it's a problem", so whenever I hear someone say "problem drinker", it raises a red flag in my mind.
Alcoholism is a disease of mind, body and spirit. It is progressive, incurable and fatal in many cases if not treated. However, recovery is possible so hope is always available.
Today's "problem drinker" could be tomorrow's full-blown alcoholic. Please don't let semantics and dictionary definitions stop someone from getting help if they need it.
And, of course, Al-Anon is a wonderful place for support and education for the family.
http://alanon.org/meetings/meeting.html
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: in between
Posts: 10
Texasgirl,
It's only a fine line between an A and a "problem drinker". Not that I can diagnose your husband...but partners of drinkers often are in denial as well, especially at the beginning when they start to get a *little* concerned. Think about this: how much do you not want to believe that he's really an A? What would it mean to you if he really WAS an A and not a problem drinker? If he's only a problem drinker and not an A, then what? You don't have to decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not? Three days of no drinks is NOTHING in terms of time. A's can quit for months, years at a time, and if they are true A's, if they start again, it will be the same thing. Have you seen that a major symptom of alcoholism is the choice and desire to stop for a certain period of time? YOU can decide if you get pregnant or not, and if you are in any kind of doubt, don't let that happen! If you have been reading a lot here, you should know-and it sounds like you do-what happens usually when kids are brought in to such a situation.
Also, he TRULY has to want to stop and take necessary actions to do so. Not just make promises and rely on willpower. You can't simply want it for HIM and your relationship. How can you tell when an alcoholic is lying???
It's only a fine line between an A and a "problem drinker". Not that I can diagnose your husband...but partners of drinkers often are in denial as well, especially at the beginning when they start to get a *little* concerned. Think about this: how much do you not want to believe that he's really an A? What would it mean to you if he really WAS an A and not a problem drinker? If he's only a problem drinker and not an A, then what? You don't have to decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not? Three days of no drinks is NOTHING in terms of time. A's can quit for months, years at a time, and if they are true A's, if they start again, it will be the same thing. Have you seen that a major symptom of alcoholism is the choice and desire to stop for a certain period of time? YOU can decide if you get pregnant or not, and if you are in any kind of doubt, don't let that happen! If you have been reading a lot here, you should know-and it sounds like you do-what happens usually when kids are brought in to such a situation.
Also, he TRULY has to want to stop and take necessary actions to do so. Not just make promises and rely on willpower. You can't simply want it for HIM and your relationship. How can you tell when an alcoholic is lying???
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Excellent post!!!
Man, can I relate to some of the items that have been listed. Topping off my glass without me even asking - yep, that's a definite! And I'll admit I tried to keep up with his "partying" when the first blush of romance came on the scene, but my stomach couldn't take it, I hated the hangovers (in the bathroom most of the day with the dry heaves and diahrrea), and I hated that sense of being in a dream-like state and out of control when drunk. Yuk! The only thing that came out of it that was positive (if it can even be considered positive!) was I lost 25 pounds and dropped to a size 6!
LOSING THE 25 POUNDS AND LOOKING LIKE I WAS 25 AGAIN WAS NOT WORTH THE DRUNK-A-THON!!!!
LOSING THE 25 POUNDS AND LOOKING LIKE I WAS 25 AGAIN WAS NOT WORTH THE DRUNK-A-THON!!!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Here's my list...
1) cares only about himself
2) thinks the world revolves around them
3) is not reliable
4) does not have a license b/c he got a DUI
5) thinks he has all the answers
6) does not have any answers
7) procrastinates (big time)
8) drinks a 12 pack a day
9) puts drinking before everything else
10) not responsible about anything, including paying bills
11) thinks his opinion is the only one that matters
1) cares only about himself
2) thinks the world revolves around them
3) is not reliable
4) does not have a license b/c he got a DUI
5) thinks he has all the answers
6) does not have any answers
7) procrastinates (big time)
8) drinks a 12 pack a day
9) puts drinking before everything else
10) not responsible about anything, including paying bills
11) thinks his opinion is the only one that matters
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