FaithChaser

Well, had the talk tonight not sure if it counts as he was wasted... he always is if he's home though. So today was a very bad day. A close friend of ours had a massive heart attack. He's got juvinielle diabietes and has had a hard time with that. Praying he makes it but it's not looking good. Hubby came home from work in tears, emotions were running high. Him and pal went out drinking tonight and he came home wasted.... gotta kill that emotion ya know.

Anyway, I was upset too, and started in on him in his intoxication.... I know BAD idea. I said I want out, I've done it all in trying to fix this marriage and he agreed he wants out too. Went upstairs to get away from me. Okay I'll just sleep on the couch. A few minutes later he storms down the stairs, he says bye i'm leaving. He always plays this when we fight, cannot stick around he has to leave. I don't utter a word and he's gone. He is now sleeping on the floor at work. Well at least we agreed that we both want a divorce before he left. Ended on a good note I'd say. I'm just stunned I guess, I feel like I'm supposed to be upset. I feel like I'm supposed to beg him to come home. But when we spoke, I just agreed that he should just sleep on the floor at work. I feel like I'm the bad guy though and that kinda bugs me. Something doesn't feel right?! I guess I need to try to have some dialoge with him again when he's sober and let him know that I'm very very serious that this isn't working for me.

Blessing to you all and thanks for letting me vent a bit.

Hugs,
~FaithChaser

HEALEDbyFAITH

Even though I walk through the valley of death I will fear no evil, for HE is with me. Praying for your friend, dont let the cody in you bring you down. Have an awesome day! GIANT HUGS

JT

It is way too easy to make these guys 2 dimensional but they do hurt. The way I deal may not be the way he does but that doesn't make me any healthier than him...or any righter, if that is a word. I numb things...I shut down, I lock myself in the bathroom and grab a book or I fill a bucket with soap and water and scrub a floor. But I don't sit and talk about it. At least not right away.

My husband Ward drinks and he often drinks more when something is troubling him. In fact that is a signal to me that he is hurting or worrying about something. My knee jerk reaction is to blow him off as being infantile. But when I take the time to give it some thought and take a look at the man I am able to resist the urge to attack.

Faith...you said "something doesn't feel right". I would pay attention to that. Not that what I said above has anything to do with it but because if you think it, it may be so.

((Hugs))
JT

Rose56

Wow JT, you are so right. It is easy to believe that they don't hurt. One thing that Alanon has done for me is enable me to see his pain. Boy, sometimes I wish I couldn't see it - it hurts. I do many of the things you mention to numb the pain too. As I get older I see fewer black and white choices.

FaithChaser

Thanks JT,

I do realize he hurts, and right now he's hurting a lot. I suppose that means more booze and don't get me wrong, I have been with this him 10 years of course I have some emotional investment. After talking to him a bit, I did realize that what I said during the argument and what he heard were two completely different things. Imagine that! I've gotten the ball rolling now to leave, I think he has been feeling this and just doesn't want anymore pain so he's refusing to look at it. But then again, since he interprets things completely differently than I do, I'm probably wrong.

I was reading some of the postings of today and read about detachment. I see that what I do is see things in black and white. Its either all good or all bad. I'm going to try to catch him today for some hopefully civil conversation.

Thanks for being there for me as always, when I'm in that state of mind it is nice to have a place to go to let it out so it doesn't consume me.

Hugs,
~FaithChaser