Giving up on what I dont know
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Giving up on what I dont know
My H was making me and is making me crazy, I am letting him i guess.........lastnight he wanted to go in the garage and put the Christmas stuff up in the attic of the garage...........it was around 7:30, I knew what he really wanted...........I so very sweetly offered him my help..................the ranting began..........and didnt stop for an hour and a half............he went to the garage by himself...........did what he use to do..............drank beer and talked on the phone to anyone that would talk to him...........he came in around 10:30........
I didnt have anything to do with him, when he drank before...........and he said that if i give up on him..............he doesnt want to happen what happened before...........(the affair) when he asked me if I was okay with him drinking............I said it is not worth it anymore.......he already had the beer..........if he wasnt going to drink it tonight, it would be the same arguement tomorrow, or the day after so what does it matter....................I give up.............he wants me to work with him and have a happy medium for both of us..........he wants to drink on Saturdays'.............I said so every Saturday this is what I am to look forward to.........you getting drunk................I told him to do whatever he has to do, but leave me the hell alone..............when you do it...........
I tried to sleep..............I was so angry..................I HATE BEER.............and I let him know it...........I told him I dont like who I am when I am with him............I want to so badly not get involved with what he chooses to do.............but I know what it is going to turn into.........I know what is ahead..............I know I need to leave this in God's hands...........I had something inside of me just explode...........when I saw him..........I didnt know what to do with my anger..............I tried to keep it inside..........I try to not let it bother me...............but his drinking does affect me...................I just hate things.........right now..............I went about my business......I didnt go in the garage........but when he came in and tried to cover up the smell with toothpaste..........it made me more angry................he thinks that covers it up.................
I am loosing it you guys...........I really tried hard to not let his drinking affect me...............my marriage is failing, my kids are hurting.........and the only thing he cares about is when he gets the next drink.................
I didnt have anything to do with him, when he drank before...........and he said that if i give up on him..............he doesnt want to happen what happened before...........(the affair) when he asked me if I was okay with him drinking............I said it is not worth it anymore.......he already had the beer..........if he wasnt going to drink it tonight, it would be the same arguement tomorrow, or the day after so what does it matter....................I give up.............he wants me to work with him and have a happy medium for both of us..........he wants to drink on Saturdays'.............I said so every Saturday this is what I am to look forward to.........you getting drunk................I told him to do whatever he has to do, but leave me the hell alone..............when you do it...........
I tried to sleep..............I was so angry..................I HATE BEER.............and I let him know it...........I told him I dont like who I am when I am with him............I want to so badly not get involved with what he chooses to do.............but I know what it is going to turn into.........I know what is ahead..............I know I need to leave this in God's hands...........I had something inside of me just explode...........when I saw him..........I didnt know what to do with my anger..............I tried to keep it inside..........I try to not let it bother me...............but his drinking does affect me...................I just hate things.........right now..............I went about my business......I didnt go in the garage........but when he came in and tried to cover up the smell with toothpaste..........it made me more angry................he thinks that covers it up.................
I am loosing it you guys...........I really tried hard to not let his drinking affect me...............my marriage is failing, my kids are hurting.........and the only thing he cares about is when he gets the next drink.................
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Gracey, I am sooo sorry. I know you are hurting so badly right now.
I think it's really time for you to really think about what it is that you want in your life and what it is that you don't. And sometimes it takes weeding people out of our lives as well as things and attitudes.
You've shown great stamina and strength, courage, and love in having put up with this so long - for always offering another chance - and for always being there. But I believe there comes a time when you can give too much - and I believe that you've reached that point. You give and you give and you accept this behaviour, etc. and what do you get in return?
Do you remember that old saying about "Doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results is insanity". Well, Gracey, sometimes even when we do change our attitudes or the way we react to something, the same result will still keep happening because we cannot change them and we cannot control everything.
You show a part of yourself on this board that is full of life and love and goodness. I wish that you could see what those of us here see. We see a lot of things about you, just like courage you've shown thus far in your marriage. But until you see it - you will not come to realize just how unfair you are being to you. YOU deserve happiness, YOU deserve to be treated with respect, YOU deserve so much more than what you are getting out of this marriage. And I hope that SOON SOON SOON you will realize that HIS issues are not your fault (think the 3 C's) and that you will value your life enough to give yourself a better one.
I send you great hugs Gracey as I remember all to well the pain that you feel right now. I wish I could take it all away and make it better for you (I wished that someone would come and save me for years as I didn't have the strength to save myself) but unfortunately, it's one of those things we have to do for ourselves.
((((((((((((((((((((((((Gracey)))))))))))))))))))) ))
I think it's really time for you to really think about what it is that you want in your life and what it is that you don't. And sometimes it takes weeding people out of our lives as well as things and attitudes.
You've shown great stamina and strength, courage, and love in having put up with this so long - for always offering another chance - and for always being there. But I believe there comes a time when you can give too much - and I believe that you've reached that point. You give and you give and you accept this behaviour, etc. and what do you get in return?
Do you remember that old saying about "Doing the same thing over and over and over and expecting different results is insanity". Well, Gracey, sometimes even when we do change our attitudes or the way we react to something, the same result will still keep happening because we cannot change them and we cannot control everything.
You show a part of yourself on this board that is full of life and love and goodness. I wish that you could see what those of us here see. We see a lot of things about you, just like courage you've shown thus far in your marriage. But until you see it - you will not come to realize just how unfair you are being to you. YOU deserve happiness, YOU deserve to be treated with respect, YOU deserve so much more than what you are getting out of this marriage. And I hope that SOON SOON SOON you will realize that HIS issues are not your fault (think the 3 C's) and that you will value your life enough to give yourself a better one.
I send you great hugs Gracey as I remember all to well the pain that you feel right now. I wish I could take it all away and make it better for you (I wished that someone would come and save me for years as I didn't have the strength to save myself) but unfortunately, it's one of those things we have to do for ourselves.
((((((((((((((((((((((((Gracey)))))))))))))))))))) ))
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Gracey:
StandingStrong said it all, and very eloquently, I might add. We all see how special you are and we all want the best for you. You deserve to be loved, you deserve a happy life, you deserve peace. We're here for you whatever you decide.
StandingStrong said it all, and very eloquently, I might add. We all see how special you are and we all want the best for you. You deserve to be loved, you deserve a happy life, you deserve peace. We're here for you whatever you decide.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: In my own world...
Posts: 444
(((Gracey))) Standing Strong did say it. You are very strong, and you're going to make it through this. You're a wonderful person who deserves much more in life. He's making a huge mistake not seeing that. With or without him you are still going to be fine I'm sure.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
((gracey)) - ditto to above. you know how far you've come and i don't think it will be long before you truly believe that YOU are worth it!!!!! you have become a friend and confidant to many on this board. we all care about you!
hugs - chris
hugs - chris
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: somewhere far away
Posts: 27
Hang in there Gracey. My AH went through the whole, I am only drinking on weekends too. It didn't work. He still drinks whenever, still tries to hide it...nothing has changed. Sorry to hear he is putting you through this. Just a little note to let you know we are here for you.
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