JennyK

my husband and I used to be very social. I have a lot of different friends from various venues (work, my children's school, friends I have online etc).

I have been pretty good so far about managing everything that is going on at home and keeping up with my friends.

Until recently. I have been getting call after call and email after email asking me what is up. I have not been calling people back. My normally social personality has been so wrapped up in my family that I have totally neglected my friends.

I know that they would all, everyone one of them, competely understand about my need to focus on that which is closest to me. Yet, I am holding back from saying anything at all.

Saying "Well, we have been busy" is getting old. I went to church today for the first time in months and got steamrolled by "concerned love".

I just don't know what to say. So much of this is my husband's business (including the demise of his business). It is adding stress that I just don't need right now.

Tonight I told a friend about my husband "selling" his business after much concern about "what is UP with you???". Her tone changed immediately to "Oh, whatever we can do, please let me know...". I HATE that. I loathe being pitied and I don't ever like to call on people for support....ACK...is that being co-dependent..I don't know.

Anyway...I am not even sure how I am feeling...it feels like so much of my focus has been on NOT focusing on my husband and my family, that when I take the time to do that, I am losing a great part of what I have created for myself.

Ramble...ramble...ramble....

Jenny

Dee at Mt Bully

Jenny--I totally understand what is going on with you--I allowed myself to become
very isolated over the last 2-3 years with my husband--I thought I had lost all my friends--but when I told them just the very brief highlights they were just happy
to talk with me and they did not pump me for more info or pressure me. It was so nice to have a conversation not about my AH. Maybe you could just say home life is
a little rough right now but I'm happy to see you or talk to you about anything fun
or new other than the AH. Hope my thoughts help--hugs and prayers--Dee

rivercitybelle

You could say "I'm dealing with some personal issues at the moment that I'd rather not go into at this time. I hope you understand."
Getting pity is hard at times, but that's all some people know how to share when they don't know how they can help.

cwohio

jenny - i think river's suggestion is great. you are not divulging too much and i think people understand when you say "personal issues" that it may be something you don't want to get into detail about.

i, like you, HATE to be pitied and have a very hard time asking for support/help. that's part of our disease and what gets us isolated, etc. we have to learn that it's ok to ask. sometimes our friends are just waiting for us to!

hang in there - you are doing terrific!

hugs - chris

splendra

For me it would depend on just how intimate I have have been with others as to how much I say about what is going on with me. I know I can go to an alanon meeting and tell all and feel better. Before alanon I was always about to bust with anxiety and I did say some things to others that I later regreted mostly because my H was pi$$ed because I told people he did not want to know that he used drugs......

HockeyMom

all I can say is be selective. VERY selective. My family knows, his family knows, my best friend knows and one other girlfriends knows - and they have all been very supportive and understanding without rejecting him or being judgemental.

I made a decision to tell another 'new' friend. I told her he has a problem that if he drinks he just can't stop and will binge for a day or two. I babysat her kids during Christmas break and as a thank you she gave me a bottle of Baileys???!!!!!!!!! When she gave it to me, she said 'oh I got this before I knew' What the &*%^$%!!!!!! I felt like throwing it back at her.

Some people just dont get it!

pmaslan

Jenny...I know how you feel I do the same thing. I am so afraid to tell everyone that things are going well for fear of jinxing it. I have avoided almost everyone the last month and I am feeling very lonely. I work from home so I see almost no one during the day. I know al-anon meetings are an option but damn I miss my friends. I just can't bear looking them in the eyes knowing what they are thinking about my situation. I think most people I know have gone from saying "poor patty" to she is an idiot and when is she going to learn. So staying away is the only way I figure I don't have to deal with that....Hugs to you