After my nightmare the other night...
 

about my husband starting to drink again and then being sick and watching what he does (or does not) do all day...I felt the need to ask him to be totally honest with me if he drinks again.

I can't stand the feeling of unease that I get when he leaves the house. I KNOW that he has told me he is committed to being sober and that he will not drink again...still, history SHOWS me that he always does.

So, I said "You have to tell me. Then I will stop wondering all the time. If I know you will be honest with me and we can work it out, then you have to promise to tell me".

And he showed me some journaling that he had done....a plan for if he drank again. It had his counselor's emergency number and my father's numbers on it. It outlined the steps he would take from the moment he made the decision to drink again to how he would tell me. Then at the bottom, it was underlined..."JUST DON'T DO IT".

I was shocked and touched and felt so much better. As invested as I am in his recovery (for the sake of my family as I know and love it), I am even more shocked by how committed HE is to it.

I have to stop this insane focus on his every move. I have to let him do it himself, his way. I have to trust that he can control his stuff without me reminding him to. It is easy to focus on me when I don't like what he is doing. It is harder to keep the focus on me when I am overjoyed with his actions.

Jenny

Jenny

I am so glad you posted this. It really makes me believe there is a glimmer of hope for my H.

I'm sure it must make you crazy wondering and worrying about what he is going to do, but you must be very proud of him for making this much progress.

Take care
Mindi

Jenny you are doing great--it must be terrible hard to let him deal with his
recovery but you have to let him do it. You are doing so good--stay with it
keep your focus on your recovery---Smiles--Dee

Thanks for your post Jen

It does give hope but also shows that he has to want to do it and make that commitment himself to have any chance at success. I am sure it also makes a great difference for him knowing you can be honest with him about your feelings too.

I hope you two continue to support each other and wish you more success in the near and far future.

Aud.