elizabeth1979

than his attitude was when drunk. He has been in inpatient rehab now for 3 week today. While I am so proud of him, it seems like the first two weeks were good bc....I was still focusing my energies on him. Well this last week I couldnt.work, dog, whatever. We argue when we speak, hes angry that I got a second job...as if our billls will pay themselves....and just generally dont like each other. I think this may be harder than I thought...I must have been thinking that just because he was sober, everything would be great. Its not. Wow, I am blabbing...been working 17 hour days all week and sleep depravation will mkae you crazy. Oh, and he did the steps here you make amends and apologize to those you hurt this week....did he say about anything to me. Nope. Maybe he just isnt sorry.
Thats my rant an now I will try and get it off my mind and focus on MY job

Hugs to everyone!

Petunia

E,

It sounds like you may need to HALT. This is the reminder for stopping when you start feeling out of sorts and asking yourself what is really wrong. Usually it is one of four things -
H ungry - stop and get something to eat or drink
A ngry - stop for a minute and count to 10. Give yourself a chance not to auto react.
L onely - get to an Al-Anon meeting, call a friend, visit with someone who picks your spirit up
T ired - stop and rest. Take a nap, or lie on the sofa for a few quiet minutes.

You are having to reacquaint yourself with someone new - the sober version of your man. Things are changing but with change comes growth - of some sort. But no matter what give yourself the chance to HALT when you feel it coming on. It might help to eliminate some of the lesser arguments that you might otherwise have.

Good luck tonight,
Petunia

prodigal

Sleep deprivation is a serious thing, particularly when driving a car. Please make some time for yourself this weekend to rest and sleep. You said he's been in a program for several weeks and he's doing the steps. I think it's great that he's making amends, but that's Step 8. That's the one thing I didn't like about the 28-day inpatient detox my AH was in ... they had them read the entire first part of the Big Book (I think that's up to page 165) and I guess expected the patients to "get it" in just 28 days. Jeesh! I know AA's who work and rework the First Step for months before they're ready to move on.

He's working at getting sober, but all the "junk" that's been clogged up and supressed by the booze is going to come out - sometimes in ugly ways. I've heard that a good sponsor can help alleviate some of that tension and give the recovering A suggestions as to more constructive ways to deal with all the feelings that are coming to the surface.

Man, this must be tough on you. I know how it is to take their crap when they're drinking, but to take it when they're sober is just as hard, particularly if you've had enough grief already!

dax

Remember that the alcoholic was basically 'stoned' and out of touch with reality for many years. Coping with day to day things stone cold sober often makes for a cranky just sober spouse. In the summer when I work dawn to dusk and get sleep deprived I often go off the deep end and attack my spouse[verbally;] Try to get some R and R for yourself. Just keep saying between gritted teeth- "Thank God at least the jerk is sober" It should improve with time. hugs dax

Gracey

I wonder if that is why they give up on sobriety.......because they also think things are going to get so much better if the are doing everything they can (they think) to get sober.......my h was giving it his all to remain sober......but he wasnt getting support, in anyway........it was something he could beat all by himself......I also thought things would get better if he quit drinking........drinking for me was worse, because atleast I had an excuse to use................What I have learned to know for sure for my situation is that drinking was his medication for all this underlying crap, that wasnt getting taking care of........he felt so bad about things and himself, beer gave him a high, that made him laugh........and gave him a pretense happiness.

Since my H is not working on himself and not trying to figure out why he is so miserable, he is continuing to be miserable no matter what.......and atleast beer gave him, laughs.....and a good time, and something to do..........and something in common with all he hangs out with.........and he sees me as taking all that away, so I am a bitch to him no matter what.......

Eeyore49

Elizabeth,
I agree with HALT. Be sure to take care of yourself!!

Early recovery is very difficult for everyone. Like others mentioned, he isn't numb to all of life's problems now and hasn't learned how to deal with them sober yet. The whole first year, at least, is difficult.

I know it is tempting to ask about ALL the ammends that we are do. Owed!! To be honest, I still haven't gotten mine, and he's been sober six years. I just remember that the ammeds that I owe others is my business. I know how you feel though.

Recovery is a long road that will be worth all you put into it!
Take care,
Beth