EndOfRoadWife

"do you think...

... that you could ever love me again? Put aside what you think at the moment and answer that truly and honestly. I really need to know".
P.S.This is what my husband e-mailed me today...I answered back that only if he changed, and he can't change..He can't give up the booze, friends, gambling. etc, etc. and he never answered back..I'm confused why he really needs to know if he does not plan on changing?

cwohio

not sure - maybe he's just testing the waters to see if you will revert to your old ways and take him back? just guessing!

MysticCat

Ok, I am going to take the risk of being critisized here, but my opinion on this is maybe he wants positive feedback ~ would you consider telling him Yes, if there are changes made, without saying "if YOU change" and "if YOU do this or that" Sometimes they dont hear the positive if you follow it up with a negative. This is only my opinion, take it for what it's worth.
Blessings,
MysticCat

FormerDoormat

I know how I'd reply to this question. My response would be:

"Do you think that you could ever become sober? Put aside your anger and denial at the moment and answer that truly and honestly. I really need to know."

minnie

And the winner is.................FormerDoormat!

Brilliant!

EndOfRoadWife

Thanks! I think all of you are right on that one! Former Doormat-That is a good one..I wished I would've thought of that one myself...I'll have to save that one for future reference..He partied all last weekend with friends..I am not speaking to him and tell him I'd like a divorce and he has been home every day this week..I have an attorney appointment next Tuesday to file for divorce..(I didn't tell him, but figure why bother because I've been telling him over and over about divorcing since he isn't the same person) Anytime he is "good", he can only last a week and then the next week, he will work late and then go partying, boozing with friends...Thank you everyone!

P.S. I wish he would just agree that he can't change and agree that we should divorce..but he won't..He plays with my emotions..I don't know why he can't face the truth to himself, at least..Realize he can't give up partying and why he can't just be a "man" about it and do the right thing and divorce, so that I may someday have happiness..That is seems so selfish to me.....(that he wants to keep me and our 2 daughters at his "beck and call" when he can pencil us in)....I'd rather us agree on divorce, but I will still file for divorce if he is too blind to see this is no normal marriage..

clyde

I agree with mysticcat as hard as it will be you do not need to critize him in your response. I am sure he feels guilt over the situation. If he doesn't then he will be looking for someone else to blame. If you attack him it allows him to take the focus off of his actions and place the blame on you. I would respond:

"I still do love you but I can not live like this anymore. I can not let my children live like this anymore. We are setting the model for what they will expect their marriages to be like. I love you, me and them enough to let you go so that we can all strive for a healther life."

My therapist says this puts it right back to him that is is his decision to end the marriage. He then has the choice to make.

EndOfRoadWife

Clyde, Thanks for the input..Actually, I do have a problem with the criticism..I do it almost constantly...I really need to work on that..Almost anything out of my mouth to my husband is negative..To other people, I'm a really positive and happy person..but after all I've been through with him, it is very hard for me to be nice..This past Friday, he told me that he is going to make a promise to me, the kids and God to change. I told him if this is true he should go to either rehab or go to meetings and I have a friend I can introduce him to that he can attend meetings with and he never responded.. I then said that I am still going to file for divorce because I get let down each time...I was supposed to go to the attorney tomorrow but my co-worker's friend died and the funeral is tomorrow, so I now need to reschedule....I am going to tell him what you told me because I think what you said is better because that would make him feel more guilty.....Its so hard to let someone go that you love.....Now after my co-worker told me this morning that she needs off tomorrow, I then question myself to if that's a sign that I should hold off divorce proceedings....(I know I must be nuts)..I will probably reschedue for next week..