Reoccurring nightmares about exabf
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Costa Mesa, ca
Posts: 46
Reoccurring nightmares about exabf
Normally when my exabf and I have broken up in the past I have a few dreams here and there that we are reunited and everything is better. In this instance however I have not had one of those dreams, instead I am having reoccurring nightmares that him, the roommate and I, are living somewhere new. A new place that I have never seen. (Clearly I have a very creative subconscious.) and then, just like that, he kicks me out again. He is the same cold, uncaring, disrespectful person. He'll yell at me at least once. All my stuff will be packed, and I'll get that same sick, panicky, desperate feeling like I am losing the love of my life. I then wake up sweating and just feeling generally ill. I wouldn't have bothered you all with this post if it wasn't happening every damn night. Why am I acting out codependent episodes in dreams? Has anyone experienced this? Thanks for listening.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
that's tough biz, what our subconscious does without our permission! while i don't have nightmares, to this day, 11 years on, my 2nd ex husband is a regular cast member in my dreams. always a different setting but i've gone back to him (which i truly have NO desire to do!!!) and i don't want to be but for some reason i'm trying to make it work or something? and i just want OUT. REALLY gets annoying when my deceased mother makes a cameo appearance!!!
don't have any words of wisdom, just letting you know that you are not alone! it will get better, with time....and distance. try not to dwell or feel like you are doing something WRONG. and be extra GOOD to you, ok?
don't have any words of wisdom, just letting you know that you are not alone! it will get better, with time....and distance. try not to dwell or feel like you are doing something WRONG. and be extra GOOD to you, ok?
Living in a Pinkful Place
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 7,545
((Avalon))
hate you are having those nightmares - they can be so hard to deal with -
I'm sure there are a million dream experts to give long explanations - for me it was just part of the trauma of what I had lived with for many many years. My reoccuring nightmare is a judge ordering me to return to my exah and leaving Mr.PINK and our granddaughter.
Which even the thought of that makes me nauseated. I haven't had that dream in about 5 months now, but when I do have it - I always wake up in a cold sweat - sick to my stomach with fear - I have to get up and walk around my PINK Acres house saying my gratitude list before I can go back to sleep -
Hopefully soon this will leave you alone & you will have serenity & sanity once again.
pink hugs!
hate you are having those nightmares - they can be so hard to deal with -
I'm sure there are a million dream experts to give long explanations - for me it was just part of the trauma of what I had lived with for many many years. My reoccuring nightmare is a judge ordering me to return to my exah and leaving Mr.PINK and our granddaughter.
Which even the thought of that makes me nauseated. I haven't had that dream in about 5 months now, but when I do have it - I always wake up in a cold sweat - sick to my stomach with fear - I have to get up and walk around my PINK Acres house saying my gratitude list before I can go back to sleep -
Hopefully soon this will leave you alone & you will have serenity & sanity once again.
pink hugs!
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Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Anchorage, Alaska
Posts: 4,719
I am fond of the idea that dreams (& nightmares) are us working through issues while we sleep. As Anvil said - our subconscious at play. I wouldn't put too much stock in them, and maybe try to relax at bedtime and focus on other things that are pleasant before going to sleep. Maybe read some good books or journal, or write your own gratitude list. See if changing your mindset before bed stops the nightmares...
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
I love dreams and try to analyze mine--there are forums for this, BTW. Anyway, I have found that if I keep having a recurring bad dream, and really try to dive into its meaning, it loses power. I may still have the dream but I have more distance from it, like I am dreaming but know in the dream I am dreaming--if this makes any sense whatsoever. Maybe try sitting down with a journal and analyzing what your dream means to you and what your subconscious is trying to say.
Big hug, and sweeter dreams!
Big hug, and sweeter dreams!
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New York
Posts: 877
I'm totally guessing here, but maybe your dream is about starting over and not taking your old baggage with you. In the dream you are starting over in a new place and your old baggage is your XA and his roomate. In reality, you will be starting over with someone new and your old baggage is your codependency and fear of abandonment.. (Just throwing it out there. Sorry if I overstepped).
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 1,295
My very extremely amateur assessment...This is about YOU trusting YOURSELF to not go there again. Your dream I think is protective--your subconscious reminding you to never go there again, in anyway, shape, form, or with any other person...there being...that type of dependency.
Notice the big difference from the dream of reuniting in the past. Back then it was all rose colored glasses reunion.
This time is different...you regret the reunion almost instantly.
Must mean that You are different now, and that's a good thing.
Notice the big difference from the dream of reuniting in the past. Back then it was all rose colored glasses reunion.
This time is different...you regret the reunion almost instantly.
Must mean that You are different now, and that's a good thing.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Costa Mesa, ca
Posts: 46
That's an insteresting view. I am 13 days NC and ever since he texted me this weekend (trying to open back up our door of communcation) I have been battling as to whether I should endure this pain now and move forward or take the quick fix and live through the agony all over again.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Avalon,
I didn't post here before, because my dreams were a little different. I think though that I can relate to you that it was in a different place.
I had 3 recurring dreams. The one that took place in a different place was I went to sleep, actually went to sleep in my own room. I had a dream, I was in a different room, it was on the first floor, my bedroom was always on the second floor. I got up in the middle of the dream, thought I was still dreaming, but I wasn't.
I wanted to get out, had to get out, all the lights were off, didn't know the room, kept touching the walls, trying to find the light switch. Couldn't find it. Found a window. For some reason couldn't open the window from the bottom, had to open it from the top, so I did. I woke up in the middle of the night, on the second floor climbing out of my bedroom window, standing on the window ledge, trying to get out of the top of the window.
I just wanted to get out, wanted to get away. That is how much my marriage was affecting me.
I'm afraid to think of what might have happened if I didn't wake up and notice that I was jumping out a second floor window.
So to interpret your dream, I would say it is telling you that no matter what you go back to, if you go back, it will all be the same.
The other 2 dreams had nothing to do with a house, but they were equally as telling.
I didn't post here before, because my dreams were a little different. I think though that I can relate to you that it was in a different place.
I had 3 recurring dreams. The one that took place in a different place was I went to sleep, actually went to sleep in my own room. I had a dream, I was in a different room, it was on the first floor, my bedroom was always on the second floor. I got up in the middle of the dream, thought I was still dreaming, but I wasn't.
I wanted to get out, had to get out, all the lights were off, didn't know the room, kept touching the walls, trying to find the light switch. Couldn't find it. Found a window. For some reason couldn't open the window from the bottom, had to open it from the top, so I did. I woke up in the middle of the night, on the second floor climbing out of my bedroom window, standing on the window ledge, trying to get out of the top of the window.
I just wanted to get out, wanted to get away. That is how much my marriage was affecting me.
I'm afraid to think of what might have happened if I didn't wake up and notice that I was jumping out a second floor window.
So to interpret your dream, I would say it is telling you that no matter what you go back to, if you go back, it will all be the same.
The other 2 dreams had nothing to do with a house, but they were equally as telling.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Second dream---
I went to an outdoor wedding. Was so happy to be invited. Went there myself. It was a casual wedding, so I wore a long skirt and sandals. Guess I got there a little late, all the seats were taken, except for a row in the back that was empty. So I walked all the way to the back.
The whole way there these snakes about 3 foot long were hissing at me and curling around my feet. Finally got to the last row, where there were empty seats. Snakes were still around me, hissing the entire time. I kept my feet up on the chair.
Ceremony was over, now time to congratulate the bride and groom. Looked down, snakes were gone. Thought, thank God for that, so made my way up.
Got up to the bride and groom, looked at the bride, she was me, groom turned around, he was a cobra, and just hissed at me
I went to an outdoor wedding. Was so happy to be invited. Went there myself. It was a casual wedding, so I wore a long skirt and sandals. Guess I got there a little late, all the seats were taken, except for a row in the back that was empty. So I walked all the way to the back.
The whole way there these snakes about 3 foot long were hissing at me and curling around my feet. Finally got to the last row, where there were empty seats. Snakes were still around me, hissing the entire time. I kept my feet up on the chair.
Ceremony was over, now time to congratulate the bride and groom. Looked down, snakes were gone. Thought, thank God for that, so made my way up.
Got up to the bride and groom, looked at the bride, she was me, groom turned around, he was a cobra, and just hissed at me
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
Third dream ----
I was standing on the side of a cliff, there was a ledge there, didn't know what to do, couldn't go up, couldn't go down. It was so dark out, and threatening to rain, and it was getting really cold. I didn't know what to do. I'm afraid of height. Do I jump???
Well, soon I had no choice. The ledge I am standing on starts receding into the cliff. It is disappearing. It was 2 feet wide, now 1 foot, now 6 inches, what am I going to do???
If I jump I will die, but it keeps disappearing. I am forced to jump.
I jump, I end up on a beach. The sun is out, people are on the beach. Everyone is happy and playing in the sand and in the ocean.
Realized that was the best day of my life
I was standing on the side of a cliff, there was a ledge there, didn't know what to do, couldn't go up, couldn't go down. It was so dark out, and threatening to rain, and it was getting really cold. I didn't know what to do. I'm afraid of height. Do I jump???
Well, soon I had no choice. The ledge I am standing on starts receding into the cliff. It is disappearing. It was 2 feet wide, now 1 foot, now 6 inches, what am I going to do???
If I jump I will die, but it keeps disappearing. I am forced to jump.
I jump, I end up on a beach. The sun is out, people are on the beach. Everyone is happy and playing in the sand and in the ocean.
Realized that was the best day of my life
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Pa
Posts: 4,872
I think your dreams are telling you that if you go back, no matter where, everything will be the same. You're bags are packed, keep them packed. I think you are ready to make that leap.
Sorry to have hijacked your thread about my dreams, but these can become yours.
You are doing good now, don't do what I did and marry someone for 27 yrs like I did.
Yes, he left me many times, and yes, I took him back many times.
Now divorced for over 2 yrs
Gone for over 4 yrs
Sorry to have hijacked your thread about my dreams, but these can become yours.
You are doing good now, don't do what I did and marry someone for 27 yrs like I did.
Yes, he left me many times, and yes, I took him back many times.
Now divorced for over 2 yrs
Gone for over 4 yrs
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
Posts: 6,516
Like TG, I see dreams as emotional/mental housecleaning, the mind continuing to work out stuff while we're sleeping.
I, too, have recurring nightmares about my ex - not about him being abusive (which he was) or even drunk, but just about him being part of my everyday life again. And the feeling of dread I have in those dreams is awful.
I choose to see them as reminders of what I left, and a reason to be grateful that I did.
I, too, have recurring nightmares about my ex - not about him being abusive (which he was) or even drunk, but just about him being part of my everyday life again. And the feeling of dread I have in those dreams is awful.
I choose to see them as reminders of what I left, and a reason to be grateful that I did.
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