Lieing to himself
 

My AH went to be assesed and the counselor told him he was an A. He said "Well you tell me I'm an A and he tells me I'm an A so I must be an A." The counselor also told him that our marriage might stay together but he did not think so. I was angry because I could not understand why a trained counselor would say such a thing. Now I understand all to clearly.
At first I was hopefull that he was finally admitting to it and now after all my reading and seeing what he is/is not doing I realize that he will not stay sober. He does not think he is an A and he is just going along to keep the peace. I have not discussed this with him. I will not own it. I will however do what I need to do for me and my son. I will not let myself be deluded into thinking that this is the end of the problem. For all of you out there who have not read it yet, please read "Letter From a Recovering Addict. 1-27-2005. It opened my eyes completely. This is what I needed to understand what is and has been happening the past 15 yrs.
He is still useing the same anti-perspirant,the same listerne mouthwash,the same cologne, all of which have alcohol in them. He knows from rehab (and I remember too although he probably thinks I don't) that he can not use these things. He also was drinking energy drinks and those little vials of ginseng. Now I find that he is useing the over the counter swarm herbal capsules. He can not do this if he truly wants to recover. He was really addicted to crank when he went into rehab 17 years ago so he is well aware of the consequences of useing such products. He say's it is because he works such long hours and he needs some energy. Truth be told he likes the buzz.
Such a long road to self distruction. I can hardly bare to watch anymore. I get dragged down into muck if I'm not diligint.
He has been home for 3 days now and I can really see the withdraw from alcohol. I never really saw it befor. He is short tempered even though he gets it under control pretty quickly. He is eating candy and drinking alot of soda. I would really like to discuss the yeast problem with him but I don't know if I should. I found a site on yeast build up in the system and it's corelation to alcoholism. Makes a person wonder way they serve coffee and cookies at AA.
Any coments or suggestions are very welcome.
Thanks for listening.
Z

I don't know Zoe...I'm kinda wondering if there is every really an end for anyone. I think for an A it is always a struggle and the SO will always be on pins and needles wondering what's going to happen. Perhaps I'm just in a jaded mood, but that's how it feels to me. I guess we each have to decide whether the relationship is worth the stress it creates for us. Even if your H admitted to himself that he's an alcoholic, would he want to stop?

When my husband stops drinking, he always starts eating a ton of ice cream. This is a really stupid question....does ice cream have yeast? I don't think so...

Every one has yeast in there system. It feeds off sugar and other products containing yeast, Bread,Pasta,etc. I found the info at www.yeastinfectionadvisor.com There is good yeast and bad yeast. The beer has yeast in it so when the beer is not present the craving for sugar to feed the yeast takes over.
Z

Did you hear this from the counselor personally or is this what your A told you the counselor said? If you heard it yourself you should address it with the counselor. If your A told you... well... A's aren't always the best sources of information.

You have to do what's right for you and your son.
You didn't Cause it, can't control it, can't cure it. Your A is the only one who can change themselves... we can only change us - one day at a time.

Have you read Co-dependant no more? If not it's worth it. Also you can find support at Al Anon meetings...

So be nice to you today!!! You deserve it.

My AH told me as he was in a different city than I. I know I should have thought of this before. Thanks for reminding me. I need to write it down in my journal as I tend to forget the actions associated with the alcoholic mind. As for the counselor, I don't see any need to address it with him. If he said it he was right on the money even if he did not explain why to my AH. I will never know the exact conversation and somehow that doesn't bother me.
Z

Good for you Z!

It's SOOO easy to get drawn into their drama .... real or imagined!

Peace...

Good luck Z - although it sounds like you are on the right track. My AH can stay sober for a couple of weeks at a time but I always get the clear message that he is only doing for me - ie I have threatened to leave or have completely detached from him. Each time he goes back to the booze.

We are going through it again at the moment and only reason I am still here is I have had surgery and need help with the kids. Thank God he is managing at the moment or life would be hell

Anyway my point is until he gets sober for him I can keep expecting to live this life. Until he actually admits that he has the problem and not just a nagging wife I accept that there will be no permanent improvement.

Keep strong and keeping a journal is an excellent idea!
A

I would suggest keeping a journal to anyone. It has helped keep me sane. I write down everything. My thoughts, feelings, activities for the day, what I did for myself,ect. Sometimes if things get to heavy for me I write about him and then try to let it go. I found that taking stock of our life together or should I say my life with him was very cleanseing. When I put it to paper I can really see what has happened and all the selfish thinking on his part. Writeing it down takes it from my mind and my heart and I can be whole. Good luck Audrey and hope your recovery from surgery goes well and speedy.
Z

Thx Z - am staying detached and all is bearable!!