tinky27

Hello, ive only just found this site and thought i would ask you all for your opinions, ill try and outline my problem with my husband and be breif but sorry if it becomes too long.

I met my hubby nearly 10 years ago we both worked ina nightclub and we both went out drinking alot, however when i fell pregnant with my 1st son i stopped drinking and apart from the odd occasion i go out now dont ever drink. Hubby didnt stop he drunk every night and day and would disappear for hours told lies about where he was etc, i left him when my son was 1 and after some time we got back together and had second son. He has always loved to drink he thinks drinking is just great and shows no concern about how much he drink, he dosnt have a problem with drink (so he says), He now drinks a bottle (3lt) of cheap cider every night although some nights he wont drink a whole bottle, i know he sometimes goes to the pub in his luch hour at work although he lies about this. He would quite happily get out of bed in the morning and drink his cider first thing but ive had it with that and told him its not good, i work at the weekend and he looks after the kids but i know he drinks in the day when hes got them, i dont think i own a photo of him without a drink in his hand, every xmas morning for the last 10 years the photos show him drinking and thats about 7am in the morning but he says its xmas so its fine, i know when hes had even a little drink cause he becomes very aurgumentitive and can get very nasty with his words in an aurgument. hes so defensive if i ever say anything about his drinking, he fallls asleep half drunk on the sofa nearly every night and so sleeps there, he smells of stale cider the next day and his hand shake if he dosnt drink for a few days,

now what i want to know if does he have a problem with alcohol? he says im being stupid and its all in my head and i need my head looking at etc but i think hes on a road to problems with his drinking at least, he said he was working late last week and i caught him coming out of the pub, he went mental at me and called me all sorts of names, how do i get him to see he has a problem and how do i cope with it, i really cant take it much longer i dont want my sons growing up like this
help and advice please
tinky27

splendra

Welcome!!!

It sounds like you have a problem with your husbands drinking and that is what you will have to deal with. We need to check our reactions to our situations. Not to say that your H is not out of control but, you are the only one who can control your own thoughts about your situation.....

Make yourself at home here do some reading and see what you can find out. Many here are in simular situations.....

Jenee

Welcome tinky. I think you are right where you need to be. It is very common for people with alcohol issues to try to turn everything around to make it seem as if you are the one with the problem. You can't do anything about his drinking (I think he's an alcoholic however I'm not qualified to make that diagnosis and you know in your heart what you think) but you can learn to accept that it is his problem not yours. You have to reclaim your life, with him or without him.

Hang around here and absorb the wisdom of people who are further along than you and I are. You'll get through it.

walkingtheline

is a problem.

3 liters is the american equivalent to just over 100 ounces, or almost a gallon. I'd say that indicates a problem, that's more than a dozen 8 oz glasses per day!

You can't make him do or see anything, but you can certainly make positive changes to improve your own life and that of your children.

Read thru this site and do some research. Find some support within your own community--Al-anon and/or church support groups or...whatever is available to you.

I have not been here long but I have gathered much strength, ideas and affirmation by visiting here. I recommend it, it has made a powerful difference in my outlook.

prodigal

I did NOT cause his drinking, I CANNOT control his drinking, and I CANNOT cure his drinking. It may sound trivial, but doing that and reciting and really thinking about the meaning of the Serenity Prayer gets me through some pretty tough times.

I understand how upsetting it can be to watch someone drinking at 7 a.m. - my AH drinks any hour of the day he chooses, although so far he hasn't been drinking on the job. However, he's been known to get up at 4 a.m. and down a bottle of wine.

You can only do what's best for you when you're dealing with an A. 12-step meetings help me because they get my focus off my AH and onto what I need to do and to discover what's best for me.

Keep posting and take care.

tinky27

Hi again, thankyou all for some swift replies, im going to have a good look around this site definatly. I just cant understand it at all, i dont know how to deal with it and him whatever i do at the moment is met with anger and more drinking so thats not working! I really just want him to face up to it and admitt he has a prob then we can look towards sorting it but if he dosnt begin to see a prob with it how can you help them then? The last time i left him, he was a complete mess, his house was disgusting and dirty and empty bottles everywhere etc i got to the point of not having my son go there cause it wasnt fit, i really want to make our relationship we have something good and worth holding on to without the drink, i get very frustrated that he seems to temp losing it all just to hit the bottom of the bottle surely its not worth it. As you can see im very new to this and hadnt ever told or spoke about his drinking properly with anyone and never anyone who knew what it was like. Hopefully my talking to you guys i can understand it better or do whatever im meant to be doing. Thanks again think i may be here quite a bit if thats ok
tinky27

Jenee

oops