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Old 02-05-2005, 01:54 PM
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Gracey
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saga

I did not have a good night lastnight.........I have a knot in my stomach, today.........and it is not going away.........I just want this to be over with........

My H told me if he dont like the way things go at court, he will run me over with his car continuously............I tried going about my business today.......I left and picked up bree from her sleep over,........I came home for a bit........I was threatened that he was going to give my dog anti freeze.........I kept going on about my own business trying really hard to ignore his threats........

It was time for me to take my son to his hockey game.........he told me if I left he was going to throw all of my things out on the front lawn, staring with my oldest daughters...........I dont know if this his way of trying to keep me home and arguing or not.........I asked my oldest daughter to go with me, I was worried what might happen while I was gone........she declined........and I left anyway............scared all the way to the hockey game.........I called home when I arrived there, he answered and wouldnt give my daughter the phone he hung up on me, so I called back and my daughter answered it..........she was fine......nothing was getting thrown around..........and she was leaving with some friends to go to the movies and the mall.

I was relieved when I came home to find, my H sleeping............but I do fear when he wakes up...........I dont want to argue.............I have made it very clear that I want a divorce, and as to be expected he is doing everything he can to intimidate me, threaten me.......he came barreling down the stairs and I hurried up and locked myself in the bathroom, because I was afraid of him.........

Isnt there anything I can do to get him out of our house.........while this whole things unfold.........I dont want to pull my kids out of school, I dont want to quit my very good job...........it is almost like he is a time bomb and if I dont agree with him and make up with him........he is going to explode........I could go to a hotel tonight. I have the money, but I would rather not spend it, and that is just a temporary fix.........he will be here tomorrow..........
 
Old 02-05-2005, 02:12 PM
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I'm sorry to hear what an awful time you are having. When I left my ex-husband (who was not an addict - just a liar and a jerk) he did many of the same things your Ah is doing. When I found out he was cheating I kicked him out and he left for a while and there was peace in my home. But it didn't last - he came back and would not leave and there was really no way I could get rid of him. I tried to live with him for about a week - it was a week from hell. He would follow me around the house yelling at me, picking fights, etc. All the while saying he can't understand why I want a divorce. It got to the point where my 3 yr. old son was running away from him covering his ears yelling please don't talk, please don't talk. I had to lock my son and myself in my bedroom to get away from him - he just would not leave me alone. He then would pick to lock to get in and yell at me some more. I was lucky because I had a friend who lived alone and had 2 extra bedrooms so my son and I had a place to go. My son improved instantly and so did I.
I'm not sure if any of this is helpful to you , but you are not alone and it will get better.
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Old 02-05-2005, 02:18 PM
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I am also scared to tell him that I am not going to give him the $500.oo in my savings account, I am going to need that, Yea to pay a lawyer........I wish my parents lived closer to me..........but I cant keep my job, and I would have to pull my kids out of school since they are two hours away..........and he wont leave..........

I know I do wrong things.............but I dont deserve this..........it is not all my fault.........
 
Old 02-05-2005, 02:48 PM
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Gracey! I am so sorry to hear this is going on. My first advice would be that if he is making verbal threats like that, couldnt you call the police and get an emergency restraining order? That would remove him from the house. If you are afraid of him, for yourself or your children, I would seriously consider getting some legal advice as to what you can do in the mean time. Call a womens shelter and ask them! They may be able to help! My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Blessings,
MysticCat
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Old 02-05-2005, 03:46 PM
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In my city - his threats would put him behind bars. If you don't feel safe, call the police and get a restraining order.
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Old 02-05-2005, 04:40 PM
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Gracey -

You asked if there is anything you can do to get him out of the house and the answer is yes. You have contacted the police before - there is a record of that. Call them and tell them what is going on. Ask them for advice. Call a Crisis Hotline. Call the Victims Assistance Program. They can all give you advice. He is threatening you and your kids. File a police report. Ask the cops to remove him because you are afraid for your life. Tell them what he has said. Tell them that he has physically abused you as well in the past. They should help you. He can go and live with his mother and that should make the two of them very happy! Make a call Gracey, and protect yourself.

Hugs, Jo
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Old 02-05-2005, 04:51 PM
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Call the police Gracey. He is abusive and you and your children have a right to be safe. It's time to think of yourself and the kids, and not worry about him - let the police worry about him. You are too special to be put through his bullying, and you can fight back through the legal system. Please, consider doing this. Be safe.

Hugs,
Trisha
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Old 02-05-2005, 05:01 PM
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Hi Gracey:

I agree with everyone else. Please report his threats to the police. They will forcibly remove from your home tonight. I believe they can only hold him for one night. So, tomorrow when he threatens you again, call the police, and have him removed again. Then on Monday, take few hours off of work and go down to the courthouse and file a restraining order. You need to keep yourself and your children safe. He is threatening you because he's panicking because he realizes that he's lost control over you. Who knows if he'll follow through with these threats or not, but you don't want to be around to find out.

Take the steps necessary to protect yourself and your children. Stay strong. Stay focused on your goal of a life free of alcoholism. Stay determined to find peace.
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Old 02-05-2005, 06:21 PM
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I am mentally drained, but I held my composure, I didnt get angry I am beyond anger.....I am numb, he just spent three hours and 15 minutes, calling me everything from a **** to a bad mother (not drinking) he told me that he was going to win custody of my daughter and that I am nothing without him.....I just cant tell you all the things he has said........I just kept saying I am fine........the things that you are saying, is not hurting me anymore........

I am here now, and he left....I am sure that he will be back......he left things that if he wasnt coming back he would have taken with him........I cant handle anymore......my kids are in bed.......not sleeping but in bed........he stopped when they came home about 15 minutes ago.......I am praying for peace, I am praying that god gives me strength.........I can cry now........I can let you know how I feel........I can be honest here and no one will hurt me.......thank you for that.
 
Old 02-05-2005, 06:25 PM
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god If i am the blame for all of this maddness take me now.........because what I am told I deserve to be in hell.
 
Old 02-05-2005, 06:32 PM
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Gracey, you are not to blame for this madness. Your husband has created his own hell. I'm glad you're OK, I was a bit worried about you. Remember if he threatens you when he returns later tonight, call the police and have him removed from your home. Nobody deserves to live in such an abusive environment.

Tonight I'll ask my HP to keep you and your children safe. I'm sending a hug your way. I'm holding you tight. Go ahead and cry on my shoulder.
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Old 02-05-2005, 06:33 PM
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Gracey -

From now on, anything that comes out of his mouth think of it as nothing more than vomit. Then let him clean up his own mess. You have done enough. If he comes back and continues the ugliness - drunk or sober - call the cops and have him removed.

Take care, Jo
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Old 02-05-2005, 06:56 PM
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Gracey, I hope you understand that his threats are REAL. I know sometimes we think "he would never REALLY do that" but, regardless, he is makign threats... and you and your children shouldn't have to live that way. I hope you call the police. Do this for yourself and for your children. All the children, not just Bree.

I had my H removed 17 weeks ago. He spent the night in jail, then had to appear before a judge the very next day. The judge ordered him to stay away from me and the children at home, at work, at school and NO phone calls either. Then we had to back to court about a month later. That month gave me time to really think about what I wanted to do. When we went back the judge asked me what I wanted. He put into place what I wanted for an entire year.

Take care of yourself and your kiddos!
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Old 02-05-2005, 07:38 PM
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(((((((((((Gracey))))))))))))) I'm so sorry sweetie. You have got to pull yourself mentally out of the situation - think of it in clinical terms, as if you were someone else and what you would tell them to do. Call the police - you do have a record of his violence...call them right now while he is gone, and ask them what your options are. "When in doubt - find out!" I can't really get him - but, he does sound violent. Stay your course Gracey - you are doing the right thing. Just remember, no matter what he says verbally, or what he threatens to take from you - it's all just BS. I am so so so sorry - you will make it through this and your life will be better than you ever imagined! God has so much better in store for you and your kids....have faith - I know you do...
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Old 02-05-2005, 07:54 PM
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gracey, i was just wondering if when he begins to threaten you or talk about your kids like that have you ever told him you'll call the police and have him arrested? you do have protection with the police-use them. they'll even get the call if you just get the 911 dialed. even if he is scaring you, you can call them.
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Old 02-05-2005, 08:58 PM
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gracey please don't belive his ugly lies...please. It IS vomit coming out of his mouth. Stay your course, don't back down, but get help. Talk to a woman's shelter or a crisis hotline or domestic abuse hotline. Call the police. Get away from this man asap. Be safe, smart and savvy. Don't buy into his BS. You know better. YOu do.
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Old 02-05-2005, 09:57 PM
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Please do as others suggested and call the police. You did it before, and they should be able to help you. You should NOT have to listen to him downgrade you. It is his insecurity talking and you do NOT need to hear it.

Take car eof you and your kids, please...
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Old 02-05-2005, 10:00 PM
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You are not to blame and you don't deserve to be in hell - Don't listen to his manipulative BS.

God put you here to take care of your beautiful children. Not some immature man who can't own up to his own mistakes.

You can do it - You've come too far.
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Old 02-06-2005, 02:47 AM
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Gracey,we have watched you grow stronger and more self confident,over the last year. Remember all the times your AH has used emotional abuse on you and your two older kids? He knows this is wearing you down and he can push all the right buttons to get you where he wants you to be. It all most like a police-INTERROGATION.
Know you have phoned the police in the past over your AH. Please don't be afraid to phone them again to get the help you need.
This is a good time to look at yourself and your needs as a person. Can you cope with the continual emotional abuse from an alcoholic husband? How important is taking care of yourself? You have a right to take care of yourself and kids.
Remember, your marriage vows were for “better of worse”, not “to be battered or worse”.
Alcoholics are emotional batterers. They deny the horrible things they say or do, when drinking, partly because they may have blackouts, but partly also because they don't want to have to face themselves. Your husband is manipulating you. He dumps his frustrations on you by yelling. You are on edge, because you never know when the abuse is coming. You then react, and he then punishes you for getting upset over his upsetting behavior. You end up taking on the responsibility for his abusive and crazy-making behavior. A never ending cycle.
Gracey,I have grown very fond of you. Don't want to see you or your children get hurt. Your AH and his Mum are in denial of all. Until they get the help they need....all this mess will go around and around. Probably for years and years. Only the abuse will get worse..after the kids leave.
You deserve so much more in life...stick to your guns. It will be rough..but you will make a life of happiness for your family....without AH.
Please keep posting all your thoughts. Worry about you when you don't post.
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Old 02-06-2005, 05:23 AM
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Gracey??
Are you ok?
Please call the police and at the very least report his threats.....you are in danger. I dont want to scare you or over react .....but this is serious. You need to protect yourself and your children.
You are not to blame for a thing....HE threatned to kill you...bottom line!
Prayers for you and yours
Big Hugs
Michelle
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