4everhopeful

I am new here I am 37 and have been married to a alcoholic for 15 years. We have 3 children. He is an episodic drinker. He can go years without drinking and I guess this is why I have such a hard time leaving him. He has started again but, this time he is not here. I asked him to leave an christmas day. Not that he was drinking on this day he never does it at home he knows how I feel he takes off all night. Just his attitude was the last straw for me. He did leave and has been gone now for 6 weeks. I began to question myself and the choice I made to confront him. He was acting suspicios time not accounted for etc.I thought he had a girlfriend I come to find out his new drug of choice is steroids. He has been using them for 3 years and I never knew I feel so stupid.He feels that he is not getting high from them so they are ok. from what I have read they cause any different psychological effects and hurts the body. He had a whole other life and I didnt even know. I did check his voice mail and found a message from another woman who said she loved him and they would be together. I cant believe all this is happening. He says he loves me and wants to come home and I want him to. I still love him and I think what kind of sick person a I. He says he needs time and he doesnt want to come back to the way it was. So basically I quess I have to do more than I already do I am not sure what to do.

I keep going back and forth I do want him I dont want him and I keep telling him this and he says I am giving him mixed messages. I guess I am scared to be alone I am not really sure. I do have a wonderful family and great friends but I feel they do not understand and will think badly of me if I take him back. I think if he drank everyday it would be easier for me but like I said he doesnt. I do love him and I love my kids they want him home. I am just not sure what to do. Do I wait for him or do I end it and start over ? Just needed to vent a little I was hoping that this would help me clarify things for myself. I just want to make the right choice for me and my family.

JT

Welcome to SoberRecovery.

Something you can do is take a look at what it is that YOU want. Often in a relationship we get so caught up in caretaking and making sure that everyone gets what they need that we set our own wants and needs aside.

Make yourself at home here..the light is always on.

JT

TinyVoice

what is right for the kids is what is right for YOU. truly. kids can't make this type of decision. Please don't let them influence what YOU want. This is between adults.

And likewise don't let fear of what might be in the future drive your decision. YOu dont' have a crystal ball. YOu can't see what your life will be like.

Sounds like you have a lot of issues to sort through. KNow what would work in your favor to be enabled to make a decision? Time and space. IF he truly loves you he'll give you taht.

4everhopeful

Me??? I am not sure who I am anymore I have been so broken by this disease that it is all I know. I am going to try to find out who me is. No I wont let the kids influence mt decisions they are not capable of making these life choices. I am going to try to be me. Thanks