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Near the end

Old 02-04-2005, 08:51 AM
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Gracey
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Near the end

Last night................WOW

I am enjoying my schedule change more than I imagined that I would............I am getting a load of laundry done, I am throwing something in the crock pot..........I am doing dishes................before bree even gets up...............and the last 40 minutes I spend getting her ready............to me this is just so cool..............

I came home from work yesterday and Bree was at Haley's house playing..........I was getting ready to go get her at 7:00 so I could make sure she ate dinner, and we checked her planner for homework and I signed her planner.......and decide what she wanted to wear the next day...........you know the routine..........

My H said he will go get her.............(ya all know why), I said I really dont mind I havent seen her and I would like her to come home.........he said I will go, and I will bring her right back.............well you know that didnt happen..........I knew why he wanted to go, I knew he wouldnt come right back...........I knew he was going to drink............I didnt want to call over there and interjected.............I was minding my own business and doing things around the house that needed to be done. Nine o'clock came around and I decide to call over there..........he answered the phone............I said to him, I dont mind how long you stay there and drink............but I want my daughter home it is nine and she has school tomorrow...........I will come get her.......he says no, that is okay, I will bring her right home............and he did............

He was drinking, I just left him alone.......and brought bree upstairs, to get read for bed............bree said what is for dinner...........I said you can have left overs from lastnight, if you want me to warm them up for you...........she declined.......and opened a bag of combos..............by the time we got settled it was 9:40 and meanwhile my H came to bed............he starts complaining to me, is that what you are going to let bree have for dinner..........you wonder why I take care of her and make sure she eats..............telling me what a bad mother that I am............and he is going to bring all kinds of goodies home and eat it in front of the other two.........he starts calling me names............told me to get out of my bed...............in front of bree is says...........I dont care where she goes...............you can sleep here with daddy................ouch.........he starts yelling at me that he has to work 14 hours tomorrow and cant believe that I am going to go to sleep knowing that bree is eating combos for dinner............

I very kindly say to him...............I was going to get her at 7:00 so I could do those things for her..........you insisted on going instead.......I said fine..............I didnt get home till six............she wasnt home, she was at her friends.......I wasnt in care of her from 4:00 till 6:00 (he was), and when i came home she wasnt home..........I went to get her at 7:00 and was told no..........I assume since she was in your care that you would have fed her.................Also I cooked dinner the night before........and we had an agreement, that we would take turns cooking since we both work 40 hours...............and it wasnt my turn to cook...........he said how was I suppose to know that it was my turn to cook........(daaaaaaaaaaaaa, he didnt do it the night before) ((stupid sign))..........and than he start complaining it is this late and he has to get up early...........I told him he could have chose to go to sleep earlier, but instead he chose to go get bree and stay there and drink for a couple of hours.......I said that was your choice............he says I dont take care of bree, he has to do everything..........he says that this is why he makes sure she is fed after school..............when he said that I dont take care of bree and after twenty minutes of him going on, how horrible of a mother I am.......and this is why she gets fed after school.........and that he has to do everything...

I loudly said to him..............your mother is the one to make sure bree is fed..............after school, she buys her this and that........and if she doesnt buy her something she will cook her something here.............your mother picks her up at the bus stop and teaches her to hide food and eat it in the car............and your up in bed or on the computer while you let our mother do everything for bree.....he is taking credit for bree's care giving after school, when in all reality his mother is doing it for him..............and while his mother is doing it for him...........she is also treating my other two children like they are nothing...........after I said that I left............and slept on the couch...............

this mornings call from him at home....................is out of guilt..............I am done............I want a divorce..............
 
Old 02-04-2005, 09:03 AM
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((((gracey)))) - i feel your pain. i fear i am getting close to that point.

you have come far and it's so easy for them to keep at us until we just have to tell it like it is!

take care of yourself today!
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:04 AM
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GRACEY - AWESOME.!!

I love the way you handled that.
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:08 AM
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I think you are within your rights to insist that you pick up your daughter on such occasions, as allowing her to ride with him when he has been drinking certainly risks her safety. And are you comfortable having your daughter sleep with Daddy when he's been drinking? I'm so sorry for your situation. Do what's best for you and your daughter.
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:12 AM
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(((GRACEY)))

I know this point has been coming for a while. I hope you got a plan sorted before you do anything.

You're handling it great.
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:30 AM
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they were only two doors down......no driving involved.........I know my seven year old can walk correctly, but I question my H............
 
Old 02-04-2005, 09:42 AM
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gracey, you make me laugh out loud almost every day. I am so glad you can see the funny side of this.
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:48 AM
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OK.. you guys agreed to split up making dinner and you failed to remind him that, since he didn't cook the night before, it was his turn?? You bad!!! ..Just kidding. He sounds like such a jerk. The logic is just mind boggling.. How is it your fault if HE picked her up and didn;t bring her home until 9??? GGrrr.

Here are my thoughts- make of them what you will...
1) find an after school care program for Bree. Your MIL should not be allowed to pick her up from anywhere. You take her to school in the AM and you pick her up after work. Tell after care that MIL is not allowed to pick her up at all. There may be financial considerations in this, but it seems to me that by letting MIL have this access to her, you are giving her the power to undermine you. Take the power back.

2) Does MIL still volunteer at her school? Explain to the teacher, and the school, that you are having discipline problems with Bree due to MIL, and you no longer wish the MIL to be at the school,at any time. YOU are the mother. YOU have the power to decide who your child sees at school, outside of school personnel. I am sure the school will do whatever they can to assist you.

3) DO NOT let MIL be around Bree unless you are around also. If she can no longer take her to school or pick her up, that should help that way. There will be no reason for MIL to be in your house when you, and Bree, are not there.

You may think that your husband will subvert you by picking Bree up from after school care for his mother's benefit.. However, would he honestly bestir himself to do that? I know with my hub-- free time w/out kids vs. picking them up from daycare?? Time alone will win, hands down.

From what I have read from your posts, you are a good caring mother . It really(really) bothers me that your hub and his mother are making it appear that it is ok to go behind your back. As much as my husband pi$$es me off, I have never downgraded him to our children. It would only confuse and hurt them, and they are older than Bree.

You are her mother. You have power. Take it back. (and Combo's aren't all that bad )
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Old 02-04-2005, 07:50 PM
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(((((((Gracey)))))) - I mentioned this is another post, and yours just reminded me of it so much. Now that I am getting a divorce....my AH has conditioned me to feel so guilty about many things - one of them being that I don't feed my kids healthy enough...forget that I am the one working all day while he doesn't do sh**. so, I was talking to my sister and telling her all the things I do wrong, and (I hate to repeat my prior post) but, she said Sooo. you are getting a divorce because you don't cook healthy, do too much house work, blah, blah, and it couldn't be because all he does is drink when he gets home, doesn't work, and treats you bad. Great logic! Screw him and the combos...think how great it will be when you could if you wanted - have combos every night of the week (not that you would) and to not have anyone around to say a damn thing about it!!! You're doing great sweetie!
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Old 02-04-2005, 07:55 PM
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In honor of you & your decision I'm going out tomorrow to buy some Combos!! It's been a long time since I had those & they are good! Yum Yum!
Christine
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Old 02-04-2005, 07:57 PM
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oops double post!
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Old 02-04-2005, 09:53 PM
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Evening Gracie:

Don't think of divorcing your AH as an ending. Think of it as a new beginning, an opportunity to have a happy, fulfilling, and peaceful life. You and your children deserve it.
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Old 02-05-2005, 08:09 AM
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Gracey,

I don't post on many threads in this forum, but I do find myself drawn to reading your posts. I wanted to comment today because I really see so much in your posts that show how strong you are, and what a good mother you are to 3 children - not to only two, or only one. The H and MIL are not doing your little girl any favors by treating her as though she is better or different from her siblings - eventually, she will be an adult and facing the 'real' world in situations where daddy and grammy cannot make things perfect for her.

Keep doing what it is that you are doing. I agree with everyone else here, you are just amazing - I can't understand why H and MIL can't see that, except that they are just not right in the head. My MIL is far, far from my favorite person, but she treats my son just as well as her biological grandchildren.

And I agree about divorce, it is not an ending, it is a new beginning for you - and if that's what you want, you deserve it. You are a wonderful woman who deserves the best that life has to offer.
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Old 02-05-2005, 08:30 AM
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DITTO to what everyone else said. HE is being a horrible parent in my mind by getting her back soo late. That is WAY late for a kid her age. And if he KNEW she didn't have dinner then he is an even WORSE parent. How can he possibly think of throwing stones excpet that he is an unhealthy man.

HUGS...new beginning I agree.
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Old 02-05-2005, 08:20 PM
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I am behind you 100 % on the divorce.

Be aware thou, as you probably are already.
Those two ass***s, MIL and AH are going to try to turn Bree against you. They will do anything to acompilsh this. Be upfront and honest with her on everything you do. By all means don;t let what I said stop you from eing happy. It will take a lot of work on your part to get Bree past this.
One thing I don;t hear in your post is how Bree feels about this whole MIL AH situation and what they do with her. Is she happy with what they do or more happy with what yo do, or does it even ohase her. I guess to her all this mess is normal.
If I am out of line then ignore everything I just said. I don't want to hurt your feelings or worry you.

I know my EX AH can't keep his nouth shut about me when my daughter is with him (all negative) and it gets under her skin so much that she won;t see him for 2-3 weeks at a time. Right now she is still mad to him from 2 weeks ago. She refuses to go to his house and will go to her and hide when he comes to get my son. My son just lets what he says go in 1 ear and out the other and he is younger than my daughter.
Take care
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Old 02-05-2005, 09:02 PM
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Good for you Gracey. I think what you did was great. I agree with sdp....get MIL out of the picture, especially if you are divorcing. I wouldn't want her influencing any of your children. You are the mom, and you will find out just how many rights you have, use them. It's your call, not anyone else's. Good luck, and way to go!
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