Buster

My AH is finished his 30 day program on Thursday and is coming home. I am very proud of him and feel he has achieved a lot by going through this. He has seriously changed his attitude and is very positive about how he wants to live his life and make amends for the hurt and pain he has caused in the past. My question is ...how do I "deal" with him now that he is sober?? Should I just go on as "normal" and hope for the best, but expect the worst or walking on eggshells???
We will be attending an aftercare program every week for the next 2 years so I will get some help and advice there but in the meantime...Any experience with dealing with this would be welcome - thanks for your help

Gracey

My H has never went to rehab........he has quit on his own.........he doesnt have a support system and that is what scared me.........

He has drank since he quit......he seems to go every couple of weeks right now.......but I have learned a great deal since he has been trying so hard to beat this....disease....

alot of the problems were not from drinking........which he has always told me.......now I know that to be true.....this is just in my case......there are alot of deeper things going on with him and with me.........

I am working on what I can me.......since I have stopped putting the focus on him and stopped worrying about him so much and I have been working on me........things have gotten better........but better for me........

drinking made things worse in certain ways.......but he is still him, and he hasnt changed

If your H is working on him and really wants to work on him, and he has a support system, great things could come out of it and the only thing you can do is let him be him and make his own choices and concentrate on you.

Cap3

Hey Buster,hope for the best but expect the worse?...What i think about e..x..p..a..n..d...s...and i behave in ways of my expectations.,,Being open,,One day at a time.Never knew my hub sober,until he came to rehab and AA program.Didnt know what to expect.Sometimes id look at him from the corner of my eye,and think,who is this person,as im sure he did to me to..lol....I was sober myself for 10years.So now there are 2 alkies sober.Learning,living,and growing.Let go let God.Working on my own program,and giving him room to grow,with no expectations on the outcome.No fear of what if,s,,With,hands off his program...Trully living One Day At a Time.
Thanks for letting me share,
Prayers for,you and your Hubby,,God Bless,,take care!!!!!!!!

Buster

Cap - thanks for your insight - I guess it is one day at a time for us !

Chuckles101301

My AH has been out for 3 months and I posted similar to the same thing about a week before he got out. I was terrified about what to do with him when he got home. I think we have had some rough points but we have managed to work things out. I think Cap3 had some wonderful advice. Focus on keeping your side of the street clean and let him worry about his side. If you feel that you are "walking on eggshells" then you are not working on setting your own boundaries and sticking to them....you are sacrificing your emotions/feelings for him and that won't work. Have you gone to an al-anon meeting? They have been a lifesaver for me and just happen to fall on Mondays, which is nice after a weekend of "together" time. Aftercare can be difficult, but it is a very good thing. Also, you may want to cosider some type of family or relationship counseling. I have found that after in-patient is over is when the real work begins. Take it a day at a time and recite the serenity prayer often. Good luck toy ou both.