walkingtheline

Are we our brother's keeper? And are the hottest places in hell reserved for those who when faced with a great moral crisis do nothing?

I know my ABF drinks and drives. Some nights he is too drunk to walk up the stairs, yet he drove himself home! It kills me to know that. I feel that he puts not only himself in danger but every other person out there on the road. Having that knowlege leaves me feeling as if I am a co-conspirator. It's not my car and in those cases I have no knowledge in advance, yet I am always eaten up with guilt.

I honestly do not know where he drinks. But I do know when he comes home wanting to start some drama and I stick to my guns i.e. "I will not allow you to speak to me that way" and then remove myself from the room, he often storms off, in his car. He is often drunk enough to slur his words and have difficulty walking...he's clearly over the .08 mark. Guilt is at it highest level then. Should I pick up the phone and report him?

My reaction is I should. Should I say he just left on this street, going this way, driving this car with this plate # and he is way drunk or ???????????

Seriously, how do you handle this?

queenofthehwy

I feel the same way, mine does the same thing.

Oh let's hope not!!!

There is a thread on this somewhere awhile back. I have no idea where, someone here will probably know.

Cap3

You say ,my reaction is i should.You know best.Trust in what you know to do.You could be saving others lives as well as his too.Here we are enouraged to take the keys away,from them, before they go driving.Ever try to take keys from a drunk?If you have then you know that sometimes one can do this,and at other times one cant,no matter how they try.

jessiebug

I agree. Follow your instincts. Mine have never been wrong...even if I've tried to ignore them. This may be a step toward him reaching rock bottom. Hum...that brings up a good question. I know we shouldn't help our A by covering for them, allowing them to deal with the consequences of their actions, but this kind of seems like the other side of the extreme. Do we actually push them toward their rock bottom by forcing them to deal with their consequences (i.e., calling the cops if they're drunk driving)? Ah...I still think if it were me, I would be so torn up with guilt if anything did happen to anyone else, that I would probably report him. Just my 2 cents...

walkingtheline

I have become quite an expert at ignoring his behavior. I do not "check on him". If he can't get his key in the door he sleeps on the stairs or in his car or wherever he lands. I have what I call my "drama bag" by the front door, it has a duplicate set of keys and at least twenty bucks in it at all times, he starts yelling, I simply tell him he has no right to do so and I'm out the door.
Thank goodness for the many 24 hour stores/fast foods in my neighborhood!
I see the empties in his car occasionally, but have never went looking.

This taking off and driving drunk is his newest ploy. I suspect he thinks it's behavior that is so offensive to me that I'll engage in a fight with him so I will stay hear his loud monologue rather than leave. (he knows me very well) I have yet to react and he's taking it further and further, I think he's frustrated that he can no longer play this particular game. This past weekend was the worst yet. He was too drunk to speak clearly and his legs had that rubbery can't walk straight characteristics of someone way over the line. Yet he drove again, I think in an attempt to engage me in a drama.

I'm leaning more and more towards the fact that it's his drama, not mine. I don't think in the real world that I should be a player in this melodrama other than that of a concerned citizen. If I were on the freeway and saw an obvious drunk driver I would use my cell phone to notify the CHP.
Does the fact that in this case I know the identity of the driver negate my obligation as a citizen, or, as the SO of an alcoholic struggling to keep out of his games forbid me from doing so?

I am leaning more and more towards the decision of being the concerned citizen and reporting him at it's next occurence. I think the players in this particular drama should be the lawbreaker and the lawmen.

If his pattern holds, while it's possible it may occur this coming weekend, in all likelihood, it will be the weekend of the 11th (his payday weekend). By then I'll have to decide what to do.

Paulie

IMO it has nothing to do with him hitting his bottom if he is arrested, but it has all do to with possibly saving innocent lives.

Follow you instincts.

brightlight

A couple of months ago mine bumped into a person walking. I did not know about it at the time, but both left the bar at the sametime. The guy that got hit did not want to call the police at that moment and went to the hospital in a cab. Later he told what happened and he wanted money from the insurance company, and he got a small amount, enough to stay out of court, but the police checked the story out and neither one got in trouble for drinking. My husband was not drunk drunk, but had been drinking, the other guy was falling down drunk. I told my husband he better NOT EVER drink and drive again. He was only going to drive across the street to our house and not down the road, but still I think it is wrong to drive one foot after drinking. I go bowling and everybody is drinking and then leave, and I do not call the police on them. I do not understand why the police are not outside with a net and round them all up before they get on the road. I do not want my children hit by a drunk. My grandfather was killed by a drunk driver. My friend's husband's dad was killed by a drunk driver, and I had another friend whose grandson was killed by a hit and run drunk driver that was caught later and he had left the bar and hit this young boy and left him laying in a ditch crying for help. My car is not going to be involved in any of this and I am not going to live with the thought I could have stopped it. It would hurt my children if their dad hurt someone while drinking and driving or if he was hurt. I will turn him in the SECOND I find out he is driving after drinking. He knows it and parks the car and does not go near it after drinking. Controling? YES, but I am going to have some control over my life.

mushroom

Yes it's his drama, but this is real life, not tv. You can't just sit back and risk other people being hurt by his drama.

Knowing who he is, being his SO, does NOT negate your obligations to the rest of the world! quite the opposite. You are in a unique position to act before someone gets hurt and to me, at any rate, you have an obligation to do so.

That being said I never had to do that myself. AH never drank at home, thinking he could hide it from me that way. So he never left home drunk and I never knew until after the fact if he were driving under the influence. So it's easy for me to say what must be done by others! But I feel strongly that family ties do NOT isolate one from one's obligations to the rest of the world.

equus

It's a personal thing - I wouldn't like to judge someone elses decision.

If it was me though - if I had your dilema, I would tell him once both drunk and sober (to account for same state memory) that the next time he did it I would report him. I would ask him if there was anything he'd like me to do to remind him but that's all. I would also explain that it isn't about trying to get him into trouble - it's about never having to hear he's killed someone when I knew he was driving drunk.

As much as I adore my husband I would follow it through, I'm careful with what I say because meaning it has always been important. My husband would know absolutely that I would do it.