JennyK

I have known my husband for 14 years and loved him for almost that long.

I have not changed in that time, from the person who I was raised to be.

I am steadfast and trustworthy and kind.

I also feel that after 14 years of being together, 9 years of marriage, 2 children, 4 years of watching the world's greatest decline in a human...I am primed for a nervous breakdown.

I am always positive, always loving, always supportive, always there.

AND I am not a martyr. I have been living the life that I was raised to live. I am being the person that I am suppose to be.

I feel good about all of this. I feel strong and honest and loved.

Yet, a small part of me is just waiting to lose my freaking mind.

Is it possible that it will not happen? I am not pretending at any of it. I really do love and support my husband. I really do understand that we can recover from financial ruin. I really do believe that my children will be good adults. I really do believe that my life is unfolding as it should.

And I still wonder...HOW...can I have dealt with this mess the last few years and NOT want to have a mental breakdown? Maybe I do want to have one...consider it a vacation.

Ohhhhhhhhh....I clearly need to go to bed now.

Jenny

Dee at Mt Bully

Jenny--sounds like you need a mental vacation--some time to laugh and not think about everything that is going on at home--a pajama party with girlfriends--funny
movies--chick flicks--day at the beach--park--river--anything that you enjoy that
is away from home. That doesn't mean you don't love your family or your not a good
wife or mother or your not putting effort into your marriage--it means that you need
and deserve a break. You need to take care of yourself. Love yourself. Try it--
Prayers for you--Dee

escape artist

jenny- you are a beacon of light just like your candle- maybe you've just been reading about all of us here who have realized we went crazy and you're just wondering when it's your turn. maybe you won't have a turn at being crazy because of the light you have within you!! Peace Be With You!

equus

^^^^^ I wish I'd said that!!

If you don't always succeed it doesn't take anything away from what you've achieved already. You're allowed mistakes and that doesn't mean you've ever been pretending.

ahcb

Jenny,

You sound perfect to me!

JennyK

Ohhhhhhhhhhh...thank you all so much for the nice things you have posted.

I am a bit less mental today.

I do forsee a nervous breakdown in my future and lets just pray that it does not strick until my children are teenagers and parents are SUPPOSE to have nervous breakdowns.

Thank you.

Jenny