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oh boy welcome home

Old 01-28-2005, 02:01 PM
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Gracey
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oh boy welcome home

Everyone that read my posts today knows what kind of mood I was in today.............

I wrote a post the other day about my daughter taking the bus home everyday for consistency and for her teacher to not let her granny or anyone pick her up unless I send a note with specific instructions.

I find out today that her granny has been going to the school three days a week and working with her class.........for the last couple of weeks.........

why am I so angry?????? I feel like I have no say so in my daughters life.......I feel like this person is trying to take over my daughter........someone straighten me out......
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:16 PM
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Gracey,

You don't need to be straightened out Granny does. She is your daughter not hers she is way crossing the line. I don't know what you could do without causing a big fight. Maybe talk to the principal and let him or her know you don't approve of granny coming in and "helping out".

good luck

mindi
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Old 01-28-2005, 02:17 PM
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My H is going to be home at 6:15 and I want to ask him when was someone going to tell me..........I know that will do me no good.........he will just get defensive.......not hear anything except the first 2 seconds and than say, not tonight.........but when, when ever.........I am nuts right.....I am going to my meeting tonight........maybe I should leave at 6:00 and send Bree to her friends and my son is going to a hockey game..........maybe I just need to leave and figure out what is going on with me.
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:20 PM
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times like this I wish I had a sponsor..........I am having no luck in that department........I talked to my mom and she says I am not wrong.........but does tell me that I am also jealous........ergggggggg
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:22 PM
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Jealous really?
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Old 01-28-2005, 02:22 PM
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Queenofthehwy, I want to run away...............
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:25 PM
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Gracey
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because I work full time, and I cant do all the things that I want to with her and she can......

I think that is part of it........but I also think she steps way over the lines with me....I say no, she says yes.........I stop her from picking bree up from school so she does this..........I really feel like it is a conspiracy to do everything opposite of me on purpose to make me crazy, and i am letting it happen
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:29 PM
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hmm I know how that is, not being able to do things because of working. If she can't follow your rules with YOUR daughter maybe she shouldn't be allowed to see her until she can. I'm sure your H would not go for that, would he?

I want to run away too.....San Francisco sounds wonderful to me.
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Old 01-28-2005, 02:29 PM
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I dont want her coming over to my house 5 days a week........I dont want her doing my laundry.......I dont want her taking the items of clothing she buys bree and going through brees room until she finds them and taking them home and wasing them, and telling bree that mommy cant do it...
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:31 PM
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My H knew she was going to the school..........why wasnt I told.......why do I feel so threatened and invaded
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:32 PM
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Tell her
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Old 01-28-2005, 02:33 PM
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Gracey
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my H made it very clear on more than one occasion................she is way before me.........
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:36 PM
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He is already going to be in one of his moods, because it is Friday and you know what that means........San Fransico sounds great.......I feel desperate.........I feel like it is me against the world sometimes.........

I have to remember my tools I have learned.........I have to stop letting that women and my H affect my moods..........
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:36 PM
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I don't really know what to say to that except wow!

How old is granny anyway?
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Old 01-28-2005, 02:37 PM
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I dont want her sneaking food into my home so my other two kids dont see it and telling bree to hide it...........

Am I so wrong to want normalcy
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:40 PM
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I have told her and it does no good.............and my H dont care.........and he says she is welcome to our house whenever she wants to and I am not going to tell him or her when she can and cant come over........and I am not going to tell her she cant see bree.......

am I the only one that thinks, this is hurting bree more than helping her...........and pissing me off in the process
 
Old 01-28-2005, 02:43 PM
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she is 70............my H and I told her to drop her off like the rest of the kids at school, because she was crying everyday and not wanting to be left.....and she would hang onto granny's legs, and the teacher said she need to get dropped off like everyone else and for her to just leave.......so we told her that.......she complied for a couple of weeks and than went back to do what she wants and now she is working in the school three days a week............am I a freak..........I dont think so but I question my motives sometimes...........
 
Old 01-28-2005, 04:07 PM
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(((Gracey)))

You're not a freak. Far from it.

This is another boundary issue, isn't it? A very difficult one though.

It's midnight here - let me sleep on it and get back to you in the morning.

Thinking of you

Love

Minnie
xxx
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Old 01-29-2005, 03:05 AM
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Gracey quote.." dont want her coming over to my house 5 days a week........I dont want her doing my laundry.......I dont want her taking the items of clothing she buys bree and going through brees room until she finds them and taking them home and washing them, and telling bree that mommy cant do it...!" What is this teaching your child. Never to trust Mommy?
Some people have said let the spoiling of Bree by Grannie...pass. Don't think I would,but not sure what I would do to correct this problem. Grannie is manipulative(to control or play upon by artful, unfair, or insidious means especially to one's own advantage) over-bearing person. She is probably in denial and refuses to admit that shes done something harmful or hurtful when she clearly has. It's a way she can lie (to herself as well. as others) about her aggressive intentions. This "Who... Me?" tactic is a way of "playing innocent," and invites the victim to feel unjustified in confronting the aggressor about the inappropriateness of a behavior. It's also the way the aggressor gives him/herself permission to keep right on doing what, they want to do. This denial is the same kind of denial that a person who has just lost a loved one and can't quite bear to accept the pain and reality of the loss engages in. That type of denial really is mostly a "defense" against unbearable hurt and anxiety. Grannie has major problems. Your AH is a wussy mommas boy. He lets her get away with this and won't stand up for you. What a mess. Think I would seek out help on this one. To big a problem to handle alone. Involves to many peoples lives. You have got your hands full with that AHs family.
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Old 01-29-2005, 09:43 AM
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I went to my meeting lastnight........and it helped me tremendously........I am not the only one that has MIL issues.......I was honest........that I do feel threatened by this person.

I left before my H came home, because I didnt want to attack him the minute he came home........so I dropped the kids off and sat in the parking lot for an hour before the meeting started........

I decide to ask my H over the phone, when was someone going to tell me........he of course said that it was the last thing on his mind..........he has much more important things to worry about. He became angry with me, and said what is it hurting........and said that I was spoiled during my first marriage.........due to the fact that all my other two kids knew was me......because my ex and his family didnt give a ****.......and that I need to realize that his family is involved and that his mom only has bree and bree is her life and at the age of 70 that he is not going to tell his mom that she cant go to the school and have the first grade students read to her for an hour........it makes her happy and lets her be involved and gives her something to do.........

He says that I am jealous, and that I need to accept that Bree has more than one person in her life that loves her and that is healthy for her........and he said do you want bree to only have you like your other two kids.........he said if something happen to you, your other two kids would be lost because you are all they have..........but bree has more........he said that he dont like his sister but bree loves her and she loves bree, and just because he doesnt like her he isnt going to stop bree from seeing her........he says that he cant help it that they dont do other things for the other two kids, they are not their blood and there is nothing he can do to change the way they feel.......he made the choice to marry me with two kids his mom and sister didnt........

His mom has know my oldest daughter who is 15 1/2 now since she was two years old........you would think something would be there..........he says that I am jealous because my ex and his parents never see my two older kids and I have always the say so in everything for them...........and he says that I dont like it.....because bree doesnt just have me..........he says that I should be grateful that someone is taking an interest in brees life so much..........and I should be thankful for everything his mom does........and basically that I need to get over it...........and let them love bree and to try to stop their involvement.........and to stop pushing everyone out of my life.......and take a different approach and tell his mom I wish I could be there, but since I cant to thank her for her being there instead of getting so pissed.......
 

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