Rose56

Hello friends, I am feeling a bit of the winter blues. Every night I go home to the hubby, and most nights he has had a bunch of beers. He makes my dinner and then we sit in front of the TV. Frequently he talks to the TV, and me I guess, mostly about something negative. He usually mocks what I am watching and finding ways to vent his pent up anger. I mostly ignor him and go about my business.

I guess I am trying to explain why I feel so low. Being witness to his anger and his complete lack of motivation to improve his or our situation makes me loose hope that life will improve. I am so worried about running out of money and he makes no move to make any money. I am tired of balancing the heavy load on my shoulders alone.

I am also tired of the cars needing repair and the clothes dryer breaking down. Doesn't God know that I am barely making it with the predictable expenses? Is the universe trying to drown me? Have I done something to bring this all on? OK silly thoughts I know, coming from the down feeling. But help, my hope and faith is failing. I am also feeling that old awful feeling that no one knows I am sinking and no one cares. You know the feeling that comes from being neglected as a child, and no amount of logic can dispell? Like maybe even God doesn't care. Ok, ok I know I'm on the pity pot for sure. Here's hoping for spring.....................

Gabe

(((Rose)))
It's really hard to keep our spirits up at this time of year, even in the best of circumstances.
52 days until the First Day of Spring.
Keep the faith.

minnie

(((Rose)))

I care!! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling this way. Could you do with a meeting?

Love

Minnie
xxx

Rose56

Hey, thanks Gabe and Minnie. Yes I can use a meeting - tomorrow at lunchtime I am there. Wow - I almost forgot - no wonder I am feeling down. Today is the 35th anniversary of my mother's sucide (I was 10). January 26. January is the hardest month for me. But I do know spring is coming. I like both of your quotes. Here's to hanging tough!

Petunia

Rose,

Ohh darling what a rough day this can be. I looked through some thoughts I had stashed away and saw this one to offer along with a prayer to my HP to provide you the help you need.

From a Philly Gal transplant....

************************************************** ***********
Today I will do one thing more than I think I can do.

If I'm too tired or depressed to get out of bed, I will not only get up but also take a shower.

If I don't have the energy to go to work, I will get dressed and drive to the parking lot of my job.

If I just can't face the world, I will walk to the end of the street and back.

I will reach a little further than whatever I believe my limitations to be. Usually, when I take that little extra step, it seems easier than I thought it would, and I feel better too.

Gracey

It stinks to be in a rut..............alot of people get depressed in the winter...the sun is very rare this time of year..........I think next February, I will plan to go somewhere sunny

I am one who cares............I have been trying to keep myself busy, and focusing on what I want, and what I like........I have decided I dont want to be in the same room with him when he is in his mood.......I go in the bathroom and just sit there to be left alone sometimes...........probably sounds pathetic, but I end up with the cleanest bathroom ever sometimes.

Hey what about an underwater aerobics class..............or reading a summer book in the winter..........so you can have all those pictures of flowers and sunny days in your imagination..............

Jane Doe

Rosie - I can definitely relate. Right now I am trying to figure out how to pay this month's mortgage without it being late, so i have 4 days. He works for him self and says he's working but he hasn't given me any money this month for bills or anything. I make enough to cover all our bills but he is supposed to pay the mortgage. It's always on the last day of the month and usually I've had to come up with some/all of it.

It's too much stress and pressure for one person to carry. I have started taking Sam-e for my mood and I think it's helping. I read a lot which makes me happy. I also am starting to learn Italian. I am trying to put the focus on me for a change.

cwohio

((((rose)))) i went thru a period like that not too long ago. january is bad for me too because my mom died this month 13 years ago - she was an a but had been sober the last 10 years of her life.

gracey - i like your idea of the cleanest bathroom!

queenofthehwy

Rose

I totally understand what you mean this time of year sucks I am usally a pretty happy person, but not lately. We have had an inversion the last week or so and it is so foggy and ugly here.

I don't really have any advice but I know how you feel.

Take Care

Mindi

Rose56

Thanks friends, your words make me smile. January will come and go. I read an interesting thought in a magazine recently. The article was about being single and the question that singles often ask themselves: Why am I still single? The author said that this was the wrong question - the right question was: How can I be happy in the phase I am in? Reminds me of Alanon. How can I fill my life with love, hope, meaning, courage, wellness etc.?

Gracey, your right sometimes I go into my bathroom or bedroom and tune him out. Well tomorrow is another day.