elizabeth1979

When I talked to his counselor at rehab yesterday.....
I told her exactly the extent of his legal problems....which he had left out and/or downplayed in a big way. I had told him I wouldnt tell her...but i did. OK, so now he is really mad at me and says I have ruined the trust she had in him and that he is in trouble and now no one will believe anything he says. The rule there is that you cant be there until you take care of legal issues bc they cant let him leave to go see his his PO or anything like that and its not possible for him to really work the program if he is dealing with that.

So, I know I let him down and did it with the intention of helping him.. Thats enabling right? That was wrong huh? I will saythough that I should have told him that I DIDNT ruin any trust by talking, he ruined trust by lying. He thinks I should come in and that he and I should have therapy together with his counselor...What do you all think??

cwohio

from one codie to another - sounds like codie behavior to me and yes i'd go for the counseling.

dax

Go for the counseling. There you can explain your concerns to her about his interacting with her too much.. You can see first hand what is going on. You may feel less uneasy after you have talked to her.Frankly if she is a really certified counseler, she will probably decide it is best to turn him over to a male counselor. Hey- he lied . He doesn't derserve anyone's trust. He is not going to have much recovery until he stops lying. If she is a true counselor, she can not tell anyone else he lied. So the only one disillisioned here is the counselor. I am sure she is use to dealing with liars. dax

elizabeth1979

Well now I am confused then because the counselor did tell the director and other counselors and they want to ask him to leave...so he says...
I made an appointment with a therapist to go on my own and then after a couple sessions will go with him.
The website for the program says that after patients have been in a program for one year, they are eligible for the counselor Training program...what in the heck is that and the couselors also live there from what I understand...anyone thats a professional able to tell me if that is pretty standard?

dax

I do not think this counselor is board certified with a college degree. She never should have confided in others what you or your husband said. Very unprofessional of her. I am so sorry that this is happening. Even a AA sponsor should not talk to others. hugs dax

rivercitybelle

... I'd take that with a grain of salt. The hard things A's have remembering is that if you tell the truth you don't have to keep your story straight. Of course, some like my ex-AH will invent things that happened because due to having black outs and they can't remember the truth.
You don't own his lie. You mentioning it goes right along with letting him be responsible for his own actions.

Go with your gut on the therapy issue. If you want to fine, if not fine.

minnie

But he didn't tell the truth!! Any trust was based on lies - remember an omission is still a lie.

You may have overstepped the line in terms of being over-involved in his recovery, but in my mind that is more important for YOU, rather than him. He needs to face up to the consequences of his actions, but you don't necessarily need to be part of that. It's not a good place for you to be in.

Therapy might be a good idea, however you don't need to feel obligated.

Love

Minnie
xx

Chy

It's very common that counselors live in the same environment as their clients. It's also standard in the industry that counselors consult with other counselors when the agreement of the therapy process has been breached, his lieing about his legal issues for example. If there are contingencies of the therapy process and a counselor questions the legitamacy of a clients intent, they are able and encouraged to discuss the next step with another member of the counseling team to seek out the next appropriate course of action the therapy process should take.