To commit?

Old 01-26-2005, 01:26 AM
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To commit?

Hi,
Years ago my aunt married an alcoholic, before they married, he went everywhere with her, after they were married he started becoming more and more reclusive. One night she came home, crawled into bed and went to sleep, the next morning she woke up and tried to arouse him, he was dead, he had shot himself sometime the evening before. I just can't imagine what that must have been like.The last time I went to alanon they said my husband was going to die, I haven't been back.

Two weeks ago I came down stairs and found him not responsive, I called the police, they called the paramedic's
he finally came to and they would have left him, but I had just gotton out of the hospital and couldn't handle him, they took him to detox at my request. They said I could have him committed because he is a danger to himself and others and the court would put him in a program. I thought he deserved a chance to seek some kind of help on his own before I did that, I understand that he is responsible for his own actions, but I can't help feeling as though not doing it is like saying to your friend who is totally drunk here's my keys, drive at will. I am wondering if any one has committed their loved one and if so was it any help?
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Old 01-26-2005, 02:25 AM
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WoW! (((((Sherella))))) How awful! Yes, my father was an alcoholic, and had hit his "bottom" when he had to live with his brother to survive. They had an intervention and told him that if he didn't commit himself to rehab, they were through with him! He went in, and was sober for almost 14 years before he died from complecations of diabeties. Commiting your hubby is an act of love. Keep us informed, and hang in there!
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Old 01-26-2005, 03:17 AM
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Sherella,my heart goes out to you. This is awful for you and everyone involved. Know how hard it is for you. Had friends that had their AHs commited. In one case it did no good. AH died of liver complications,five years after he was commited. He would not stop drinking. Another one was the complete opposite,AH changed completely after being commited. His Doctors told him he was going to die if he didn't change. He is still alive and enjoying his five kids and grandkids. Said being commited was the best thing that never happened to him. So guess it depends on person involved. Some people are ready for changes...while others don't want it.
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Old 01-26-2005, 11:37 PM
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Thank You for the encouragement:
Don't think he is ready to commit himself, he's hooked on the feeling, and is in total denial, so I guess this will be my call. I don't think it can hurt to try, if it helps him then we will both benefit, if it doesn't ????
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Old 01-27-2005, 07:10 PM
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In the meantime, look for some alanon meetings that aren't going to be so judgmental...Damn, that was pretty harsh for them to tell you your husband was going to die. A little diplomacy goes a long way. Please take care of yourself. Even if he doesn't take care of his problem. You can do it!!!

Blessings, Kathy
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Old 01-28-2005, 05:20 AM
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Thanks Kathy,
I know there are good people at alanon, and one inconsiderate doesn't a whole barrel make, but have surgery looming on the horizon so I am going to have to put it off for awhile. Will look into it again when I have all my ducks in a row, and that is debatable.
For now I am holding my own. I think my biggest frustration is that I can never depend on him when I need him, which has become less and less, as time goes along. Drinking sure can make a marriage flounder. Have to get out of this mode or I'll be crying in my cups. Hope your day is a good one. sher
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Old 01-28-2005, 11:26 AM
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Sherella,

Six months ago I had my AH committed. He was drinking excessive amounts every day while trying to withdraw from Valium, was getting violently ill and had dropped down to 105 pounds. I gave him a choice and told him he could either go to the emergency room voluntarily or I would commit him because I was not going to stand by and watch him die. He begged me not to do it but I felt I had no choice. I had such a horrible feeling waiting for the police to come to my home to take my husband away. It was the hardest thing I've ever done. Do I regret it? Absolutely not. My AH spent 3 weeks in the hospital getting physically healthy, a couple weeks in psych getting mentally healthy and then another 30 days in rehab. He's been in rehab before but I think this time he finally gets it. He doesn't want to die and I can see a real change in him. He actually thanked me for having him committed.
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Old 01-28-2005, 11:51 AM
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It's difficult in my state to get someone committed ...

... and it's a difficult decision for anyone to make when it comes to having a loved one put into an inpatient program. Sometimes committing an addict puts them on the road to recovery, other times it doesn't make any difference because once they get out they go back to drinking. My cousin had his older brother committed, but he had to drag doctors into court with him to certify that his brother was of danger to himself. It took him about a year, but he persisted and today his brother is on a few meds that have helped him to function quite well in the outside world. The difference was my cousin was suffering from paranoid schizophrenia (he heard voices that told him someone was going to kill him!), but in some ways his disease was similar to that of an alcoholic's in that a lot of A's become delusional and think people are out to "get" them.

My AH has been in two inpatient detox programs - one was just four days of intensive therapy and getting him dried out so he could begin counseling and AA meetings; the other program was a 28 day inpatient detox. The first detox, he managed to stay sober for three weeks. The second time around it was pretty much the same. He wasn't ready to admit his addiction, hadn't hit bottom, and he admitted he didn't "get" all the 12-step mumbo-jumbo.

He was also in two outpatient detox's and in both cases he went for a few months, then was able to slither out of those programs. His attitude was like: "Man am I GLAD to be done with that bunch of losers. I'm not nearly as bad off as they are." Yeah, right - keep talkin', I ain't believin'!

You have been faced with a very difficult decision. However, if it's evident to you that your AH isn't ready to accept what an inpatient program has to offer, perhaps you should just step back and pray that he'll see that he needs help. I really feel for you ... it has to be very tough on you.
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Old 01-28-2005, 06:28 PM
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A friend of mine watched as his sister drank more and more and got sicker and sicker. She was in such denial about her alcoholism. This went on and on. She became so ill, her skin was yellow, her belly bloated. Finally they found her unconcsious on the floor. Took her to the ER. They think she had a minor stroke?? Or brain damage? She is 50 and in a nursing home. Her mind is gone. She thinks she's in her 20's and has just had a baby. She doesn't recognize her family or her husband. Thank goodness she had no children. They have moved her to another nursing home because she has become violent and the first nursing home wasn't prepared to deal wtih that.

It's so sad. I wonder if they had her committed if it would have helped. The doctors say she will never be the same. Just wanted to share that experience.

But each situation is different. HUGS to you. BIG HUGS. Tough decision and we are here just to support you in whatever you decide. And whatever you are ready to handle. It is easy to look back and say what if. Not ONE person blames any of her family for any mistakes. It's a disease and no one can see the future.
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Old 01-30-2005, 12:57 AM
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I want to thank you for your posts. The last 10 years have been very lonely, very frustrating and very sad, and although I am sorry that each of you finds yourself in similiar situations, or knows of those that are, I thank you for your sharing and caring. It lifts the soul and helps me face another day. I know that there's always the possibility that commiting him will not help, I don't know if a month or two would be enough, the fact that he drinks this stuff as fast as he can in one sitting, just excelerates the downward spiral. He can't remember yesterday, his eyes are all yellow, and I have to watch him constantly, one day I came home and he was sitting on a ladder trying to work in the main electrical box, one wrong move and he would have electrocuted himself. my lawn looks like a mosaic, and I am constantly having to stop him from doing things that would be injurous to him. I know they say your not responsible for them, but if I am not constantly watching him, I'd have no house left. I am surprised they haven't said something at his work, last summer he decided to use the skill saw to make a chair, which he uses to hang 20 some stories off the ground, he's one of those window cleaners you see on the sides of the tall buildings down town. He was so drunk he could barely stand up. downstairs the wall is lined with computers that he worked on while drunk they are all ready for the junk pile. I really don't want to wait any longer to have him commited since it seems every day he's worse then the day before, but at the same time, I am wondering how I am going to pay the bills while he is there as I can't work. Life just keeps throwing those curves..
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Old 02-04-2005, 12:08 PM
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Sherela,

I haven't been around the boards for a while. No Al Anon, nothing. Felt like I needed a break from even thinking about alcoholism (well, that is impossible), even though this is a wonderful place.

I just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you. You are in a very difficult and scary situation. I think it would be awful for anyone to handle, but you seem to be handling it with grace.

It is also very difficult in my state to have someone committed. I know all about the law of "danger to themselves or others"...10 years ago, my best friend became (mentally) ill over a period of about 18 months. No one could believe it, it was shocking and unexpected. Anyway, despite trying desperately, no one could get her into a psych hospital due to the law. She was a danger..but not enough for the law. We even thought of lying to her and taking her ourselves because she was so bad. (not wise, we didn't do it) It was a terrible time and I miss her greatly. She was finally treated, but it was too late by then. She had a psychotic break and the meds couldn't bring her back, only stop progession. She is "OK", functioning in the world, but she is gone, not the person I knew, and is never coming back. I was angry for years about that law. I really think earlier treatment would have saved her before she had the real "break". Very sad... I have a hard time even seeing her. I know it happens to many people and we feel helpless. Freedom can sometimes bring a high price, I guess. It's a tough issue.

I wish you well and please keep us informed.

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