kld

My closest friend who has been clean for 10 years just informed me she has begun drinking again and that I should trust her judgment. She says she is pretty sure she knows what she is doing. Cocaine was her drug of choice but she had given it all up to stay clean. I know she is not doing the right thing. She has stopped going to her meeting which she was very faithful to for the entire length of her recovery. The catch is that she has a six motnh old baby. I am horribly worried about her. She says accept her decision or keepo my opinion to myself. I think she actually wants me to oppose her and am trying but I am lost. This is not my world and I don't know anything about the program really. HELP!!!

drgnfly30

((kld)) I'm sorry that you have to experience this...It's tough to care about someone with a drinking problem. First thing to know is that she will drink because she wants to & stop if she wants to - not because of anything anyone else says or does.

I suggest reading up on the disease... these forums are a great place to start. Sadly, you will learn that alcoholics are great manipulators & can justify their way out of just about any situation.

If you are interested, I suggest checking out an Alanon meeting.

Welcome!
Christine

Petunia

KLD,

I too am glad you found SR. Getting information about the disease, how it affects the alcoholic, and how it impacts those around the A can help immensely.

I have now, and have had in the past, many A and A-type folks in my life. They all have similar habit and Christine hits the nail on the head that they are great manipulators. It can be difficult not to get drawn into there drama, and whenever there are children involved it is even more difficult.

You are in a difficult situation however if you are the healthy one in the picture there is one person who does need your watchful eye - the baby. The only thing I will , is that if you ever have a concern that the baby is in danger, call Social Services and tell them that you suspect whatever. You will know what the right thing is to do if, and we all hope that it won't occur, the situation arises.

Read, read, read, post, post, post, share your thought and challenges and keep coming back because there are many folks here who thought they would never be mixed up with an A in their life. I believe that the folks who say that just don't know what an A really is, and if they opened their eyes just a little wider they might be surprised to see someone they've known for a long time with this disease.

I wish you peace today and hope you find what you need.

Petunia

StandingStrong

I remember many times my AH thinking that he could handle the drinking like any normal non-alcoholic. He'd set out and fail everytime! Sadly, your friend will probably fail as well.
You are in a tough situation. And I believe that you're only in the beginning of what is going to be a major rollercoaster.
Please look into alanon. You will need a support group to get you through this. It's very very hard.
I wish you luck in keeping the friendship alive. And NOT losing yourself in her drama.

nocellphone

I've heard it said that the scariest phrase an alcoholic/addict can utter is "I've been thinking..."

Your friend certainly knows what she's doing: she's relapsing. She also knows where to go when she finds enough new pain.

I always need to remember that if I come between someone and their bottom, they are going to land on me. That is not a position I ever want to put myself in again.

Al-Anon can help:

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

I wish you peace!

minnie

kld

I'm sorry that you are in this situation.

A relapse happens way before an addict picks up their drug of choice. It's the thinking that changes first and complacency about recovery is a sure sign.

Read all you can about addiction and get to al-anon meetings if you can. As nocellphone says, getting between an addict and their bottom is not a healthy place for us to be.

Take care.

Love

Minnie
xxx