Question on low self esteem?????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Great Britain
Posts: 138
Question on low self esteem?????
Signs of low self esteem:
Self-blame, self-criticism, or constantly putting others down through guilt, blame, shame, or faultfinding. Finding forgiveness difficult.
Over or underachieving, -eating, -working, -doing, etc.
Playing the victim, rationalizing that outside circumstances are the causes of your problems.
Not taking responsibility for your own life; turning power over to another to make decisions for you, then feeling victimized if the results are not to your liking.
Taking too much responsibility for the lives of others, dominating and making decisions for them.
Fear of change and reluctance to take risks. Or too much change, taking dangerous, unwise risks.
Constant negativity or being so optimistic that reality is denied.
Reacting to others with extreme emotion or no emotion.
Boastfulness, lying, embellishing, exaggerating, and overbearing behavior around others.
Inability to maintain integrity during interactions with others.
Demanding to be “right,” needing to have agreement or have your own way most of the time, or constantly acquiescing to the will and opinions of others.
Constantly comparing yourself to others, thereby feeling inferior or superior.
Black/white, either/or thinking; e.g., believing that a person is either good or bad based on rigid standards of behavior.
Having pervasive deep-seated feelings of fear, terror, or panic.
Speaking with lots of shoulds, oughts, could haves, and yes-buts.
Interpreting the hurtful words or actions of others as proof of your unworthiness.
Okay,searching the web has left me so many explanations of low self esteem. Help seems to be numerous and can be expensive. What are your thoughts on low self esteem? What causes yours? How do you build your self esteem? Does you AH tear it down? Has your self esteem problem occurred from your childhood? Problems I am looking for answers to....mainly for myself. Appreciate any input.
Self-blame, self-criticism, or constantly putting others down through guilt, blame, shame, or faultfinding. Finding forgiveness difficult.
Over or underachieving, -eating, -working, -doing, etc.
Playing the victim, rationalizing that outside circumstances are the causes of your problems.
Not taking responsibility for your own life; turning power over to another to make decisions for you, then feeling victimized if the results are not to your liking.
Taking too much responsibility for the lives of others, dominating and making decisions for them.
Fear of change and reluctance to take risks. Or too much change, taking dangerous, unwise risks.
Constant negativity or being so optimistic that reality is denied.
Reacting to others with extreme emotion or no emotion.
Boastfulness, lying, embellishing, exaggerating, and overbearing behavior around others.
Inability to maintain integrity during interactions with others.
Demanding to be “right,” needing to have agreement or have your own way most of the time, or constantly acquiescing to the will and opinions of others.
Constantly comparing yourself to others, thereby feeling inferior or superior.
Black/white, either/or thinking; e.g., believing that a person is either good or bad based on rigid standards of behavior.
Having pervasive deep-seated feelings of fear, terror, or panic.
Speaking with lots of shoulds, oughts, could haves, and yes-buts.
Interpreting the hurtful words or actions of others as proof of your unworthiness.
Okay,searching the web has left me so many explanations of low self esteem. Help seems to be numerous and can be expensive. What are your thoughts on low self esteem? What causes yours? How do you build your self esteem? Does you AH tear it down? Has your self esteem problem occurred from your childhood? Problems I am looking for answers to....mainly for myself. Appreciate any input.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Through childhood I think my self esteem rested almost completely in how others behaved - how people treated me.
As an adult I work hard to keep what I feel about me based on my own actions - how I treat people. I would say where what I do and what I admire are different my SE drops - where what I do and what I admire are the same it goes up.
I look at my life like a story - the first part I lived but other people were writing the script for me, I could only control my own character and I hadn't even learned to do that!! Then there was a part where others still wrote the script but I was becoming adult, I had more choices over who my character would be. Too often I made the wrong choices!!
Now My character choses most of her life and there seems nothing 'fake' in shaping myself in the way I want to go. I try to act as though what I do is seen and I try to become the person I want to be.
For the first time in my life my self esteem seems transient, weighed up for only the day I'm living in. I'm sure it's boosted by the love I get and I'm not immune to the affects of turmoils in friendships etc, but tomorrow is a new day and as long as I keep seeing what it is I want to change, I'll keep moving closer to who I want to be.
For the first time in my life my self esteem feels as though it belongs to me.
As an adult I work hard to keep what I feel about me based on my own actions - how I treat people. I would say where what I do and what I admire are different my SE drops - where what I do and what I admire are the same it goes up.
I look at my life like a story - the first part I lived but other people were writing the script for me, I could only control my own character and I hadn't even learned to do that!! Then there was a part where others still wrote the script but I was becoming adult, I had more choices over who my character would be. Too often I made the wrong choices!!
Now My character choses most of her life and there seems nothing 'fake' in shaping myself in the way I want to go. I try to act as though what I do is seen and I try to become the person I want to be.
For the first time in my life my self esteem seems transient, weighed up for only the day I'm living in. I'm sure it's boosted by the love I get and I'm not immune to the affects of turmoils in friendships etc, but tomorrow is a new day and as long as I keep seeing what it is I want to change, I'll keep moving closer to who I want to be.
For the first time in my life my self esteem feels as though it belongs to me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Astral Plane
Posts: 64
Well I dont know if this will make sense to anyone, but my low self esteem comes from that negative little voice in my head that tells me I am not good enough and things will never change. The way I deal with it is to listen to the positive voice in my head which has become considerably stronger lately. I look at it as the positive voice kicking the negative ones butt. It took alot of work for me to get here, and I still have bad moments/days, but the more I take care of me, the better I get!
Blessings,
MysticCat
Blessings,
MysticCat
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
i also have 2 voices but look at them as the old "devil on one shoulder with the pitchfork" and "the guardian angel on the other shoulder". that little red guy certainly has had his say, but less these days now that i have started recovery.
{tap}{tap}...Is this thing on?
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Getting There
Posts: 276
My low self-esteem started in childhood mainly b/c my parents are both non-recovering Al-Anoners. Until recently, I allowed my value to be determined by my parents (the first "Higher Power" figures that I had known) rather than by my real HP.
It is taking work for me to reprogram the tape that runs with "Petunia marketing material", but I am learning to chant my mantra "God determines my value", when I start to wonder/worry/fret about what my parents might be thinking about me. I also work on living the advice someone gave me, "What someone thinks about me is none of my business, however how they treat me is. "
I am giving less power to others -parents, family, friends, active Alcoholics, recovering Alcoholics, the world at large and it is feeling better. It is work, but it is my work to do rather than work someone else thinks I should be doing on myself.
I'm 37 years old and just starting to grow up. Check back with my when I'm 40 and that self-esteem character trait just might be able to stand on its own.
It is taking work for me to reprogram the tape that runs with "Petunia marketing material", but I am learning to chant my mantra "God determines my value", when I start to wonder/worry/fret about what my parents might be thinking about me. I also work on living the advice someone gave me, "What someone thinks about me is none of my business, however how they treat me is. "
I am giving less power to others -parents, family, friends, active Alcoholics, recovering Alcoholics, the world at large and it is feeling better. It is work, but it is my work to do rather than work someone else thinks I should be doing on myself.
I'm 37 years old and just starting to grow up. Check back with my when I'm 40 and that self-esteem character trait just might be able to stand on its own.
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