bjmt

Thought I had found a home here..but no. Maybe I am to old....stuck in this alcoholic relationship. There is really no where else for me to go. Lack of money..age....no will power now. I have made up my mind to stay. I don't have that many more years to live. Our society focus is on being young and all white American teeth. I know..my attitude sucks. I need a kick in the bum. But won't get it here...so good bye.

I have to apologize for yesterday...I just lost it..totally!! Thanks to all of you who replied...appreciate them all!! I am a crazy...American who followed a dream of marrying and living in UK. Ended up married to a A. After 6 years...I now see nothing of a future. Gave up a good job in States and now am working for low wages. I am over 50...without family or friends support. I would dearly love to go back home to the USA..start again and try to rebuild a life..I lost! But that is impossible at this point..the cost of moving back,medical insurance(which one can't afford to be without in the USA),a flat,car and a decent job all add up. I do not want to take my AH. Don't think he would pass the I-30 process,with all the medical checks,police fingerprinting and paperwork. Plus we have to have a sponour that will say they will support husband if anything happens to him(hurt or illness)amounts to over £45,000.00 in a bank account. AH was arrested once...20 months ago. Can't say what..but know immigration would say a big NO!! Okay...I was feeling sorry for myself,but all so realized facts of this stituation. I am stuck and not much can be done. I can either accept life and grow old gracefully or fight..kick and go out screaming. I will do the first. Know AlAnon can give steps to follow to help with change and improving oneselves,but in the end it won't change AH. I can't change him. He is happy with the way things are. I don't nag,complain or jest him. He is a gentle,friendly drunk..who drinks at home till he passes out. Never hit me and the bills get paid. He is not a bad person. I do not love him any longer..but we can be friends.
Sorry about the remark on American white teeth. After sitting here watching abc1..reruns of old sit-coms from USA. All the people have pearl white teeth. It got to me yesterday!!
I am done "quacking". Thanks to all for reading. Some times a person needs to get away from a forum to take a break..to get their thoughts and life together. That is what I will be doing.

CarolE

BJMT,

Please don't leave. What's going on. I care.

Carol

minnie

BJMT!!

Don't give up!! I'll give you a kick up the bum, if that's what you really want.

We'll pull you through this, hon.

Love

Minnie
xx

p.s. you live in UK - we don't do "all white american teeth" over here!

DefofLov

((((huggies))))

I care too. So sorry you are having a hard time. It is never to late to find happiness and start over.

(((more huggies)))

~Def

Lil Mama

Don't give up man. It's my first day of not drinking in 5 years and I don't know anything about this board, I just joined. I want to stop so badly and I need help. I need someone to talk to too. Don't leave.

Gracey

I have learned, through Alanon that you should actually run from people that try to give you advice..........I believe that.

No one is here to kick anybody in the bum............we are here to share and listen......and if I get something out of it for me that day than I do..I feel better just being able to vent sometimes..........no one here would ever tell me to leave my H.......but to be safe, and to have an escape plan.....if need be........

Coming here has helped teach me that I have choices, and they are my choices........before I didnt know it was okay to have an opinion or that I could make my own decisions........

Here we share alot of the same issues, we all care and as they say in Alanon meeting keep coming back.........

cwohio

bjmt - i truly hope you will come back. we all have been discouraged at one or many times but if you keep sharing - it helps!

we care!!!! hugs - cwohio

Dee at Mt Bully

Just keep coming back and reading--not all people here leave their mate--lots of
us stay and learn how to live more enjoyable lives where we are. It's about finding something that works for you. If nothing else you can come here to vent and no
one will judge you. Stick around sometimes this sight is even funny. Prayers--Dee

escape artist

just seeing your first line made me recognize myself feeling the same way more than i wish. and hey! you haven't SEEN my teeth. (i Reeaally like coffeeeee) it's a real challenge at this age to get them to not look so BLACK. (my kid draws pictures of me with bright yellow and black teeth). it was A BIG DEAL-and when you have little kids you don't even know telling you that you need to brush your teeth-well, it's enough to kind of give you a complex. unless you have no teeth, and then you could just dip them in teeth cleaner and drink your coffee without them!!

MysticCat

bjmt ~ I dont know what got you thinking this way. I am here if you need to talk as well.

Blessings,
MysticCat

hope2bhappy

Where did this come from all of a sudden??? We want you to stay. We all need each other. Don't leave.

P.S. Consider your bum kicked.

nocellphone

Did that help?

Now, GET BACK HERE AND QUIT YER WHINING!!!

StandingStrong

Maybe I'm having a dense day, but I really don't understand what the heck you are talking about? I get the impression that you feel that you may as well just give up on your recovery and leave this board and continue on with the life you've been reading. The one comment gives me the impression that you feel that all of us should tell you to leave your AH. Am I understanding this correctly?
There is so much to your life - whether you are young, middle-aged, or even old. And that's the point (in my opinion), it's YOUR life! To do as you choose, live as you wish - regardless of how other people see it, understand it, or whatever.
There have been times that I have taken a break from this site, for my own personal reasons, but I am here! And I'll be da**** if I"m going to give up! NO FREAKIN' WAY!!! I lived my life doing what others thought I should do, what I believed that others expected me to do, what I deemed as "the right thing", etc. And I will not live my life for others anymore - or around others anymore!
Whatever has you in this funk of a mood today, I hope that you realize you are worth so much more than to just take the easy way out and give up!
I hope things get better soon - and that you'll reconsider leaving. But even if you leave, we will still be here fighting for what each of us believes in - ourselves! We hope you'll join us.

jsny

don't leave. use this as a source of inspiration to heal YOURSELF. write your feelings on these boards, and find within yourself the will power to continue moving on. people are here to kick you in the bum, but only you can begin taking steps towards your freedom. in life, there is only one thing that is certain. death, and as long as we're alive we must all take responsibility for ourselves. that's why as hope2behappy says, "There are no victims, only volunteers." don't victimize yourself by becoming a volunteer.

learning and understanding karpman's triangle has really helped me out tons. check it out. good luck!

Fairy tales help inculcate the norms of society into young minds consciously, but subconsciously may provide an attractive stereotyped number of roles, locations, and timetables for an errant life script. -Stephen B. Karpman, M.D. (1968, Transactional Analysis Bulletin)

cwohio

jsny - what is karpman's triangle?

FaithChaser

BJMT,

Is 50 old these days??? Cause that would make me middle-aged and I swear I still look like a teenager, well maybe that is my maturity level. I don't really think 50 is old. Ya know my attitude stinks too, especially after trying to communicate with that AH of mine...grrrrrr I'm glad I have SR to come to.

I will pray for you to be able to get your thoughts together and your life together. I pray for all of us on this forum everyday. Here at SR, I have found a lot. I have been inspired by others (nobody in my personal life could understand what I'm going through), I have been able to vent and let go of a lot of emotions, I have been able to find some strength, and I have learned a few valuable lessons. One of which recently is that I have been sleeping behind the wheel of my life. That makes me quite angry about my past mistakes, and wasting time... thing is I believe we all make mistakes in one form or another to learn lessons. I have faith that my Higher Power put here for a reason, that the people that are currently in my life I have or don't have for a reason. It is up to me to figure those lessons out, then I can move on to new ones.

There's an old recovery slogan that I hold very close to my heart, "Don't quit till the miracle happens" I have seen miracles in the recovery process. Those miracles are available to you and me too.

Oh and man this coffee is yummy this am (cough cough), I should probably brush my teeth but being that I'm a natural red-head, they tend to stay a bit yellow anyway. Anyone know if those crest white strips really work????

Please let us know how you are doing,
HUGS!!!!

~Faithchaser

wraybear

BJMT, I need a kick in the bum too. Don't give up on yourself and your happiness. It's up to you and we all know deep down in our hearts we are capable of it we just need to keep working at it, sometimes 24 hours a day, sometimes 1 minute at a time. Sounds like you had a bad day and that's okay. Today is a new day!

cupowater

I can relate to your feelings. I live with my X husband who is my "AH" and he is a good man and pays all the bills and gives me a life better then what I could do on my own. But he got the property in the devorce, and it was my inheritence, so I feel stuck too! (long story) I make sure I feed MY needs first. I am an artist, and I am SO into that that I don't have time to worrie about his drinking. He is not abusive. I just worrie about his health. Things could be a LOT worse for me! Just take one day at a time, and find something to make you feel good about YOURSELF! (((((((((HUGS))))))))))

Dee at Mt Bully

BJMT--could you please stop talking about 50 like it's old and life is over. I'm
there and my Dr. says I'm only half done--he says I have 40-50 more years to go
so with that in mind I'm really working on my recovery. Teeth can be fixed--I
have moer than one type of arthiritus and fybromialgia and I refuse to give up
on myself 50+ or not. Even if you stay you can still learn how to live a happier
life. Come on give it a try--Dee