Getting Paid
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Getting Paid
I wanted to share this with you....
My AH is laid off for the winter. For the last 3 winters, it has gone from me nagging him to get a job b/c we needed to the money, to me telling him as long as he watches our daughter and we didn't have to pay the babysitter, he could stay home (which btw didn't work out so great), to now - he has his own apt and it's not my problem whether he works or not.
He has not had any money in the last week or so. He had already spent his unemployment check.
Anyway, last night he was talking about going to HomeDepot to pick something up (we're putting the finishing touches on our daughter's room). I said, "I thought you didn't have any money?" He said (with a lot of enthusiasm), "I get paid tomorrow." I just looked at him and smiled.
My thoughts - how can you get paid when you DON'T work. He's not getting paid, he's getting a check.
I could not share his enthusiasm because I work hard for my money - he's just sitting on his butt doing nothing.
My AH is laid off for the winter. For the last 3 winters, it has gone from me nagging him to get a job b/c we needed to the money, to me telling him as long as he watches our daughter and we didn't have to pay the babysitter, he could stay home (which btw didn't work out so great), to now - he has his own apt and it's not my problem whether he works or not.
He has not had any money in the last week or so. He had already spent his unemployment check.
Anyway, last night he was talking about going to HomeDepot to pick something up (we're putting the finishing touches on our daughter's room). I said, "I thought you didn't have any money?" He said (with a lot of enthusiasm), "I get paid tomorrow." I just looked at him and smiled.
My thoughts - how can you get paid when you DON'T work. He's not getting paid, he's getting a check.
I could not share his enthusiasm because I work hard for my money - he's just sitting on his butt doing nothing.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
jessica - every once in a while a little resentment creeps up on me becasue my ah was downsized and was able to retire with a pension. i still work every day and he sits and does not much of anything.
i have learned to let that resentment go pretty much but.....
hugs - let it go and be proud of yourself!
i have learned to let that resentment go pretty much but.....
hugs - let it go and be proud of yourself!
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
Jess--I get how you feel. Besides the fact that he's doing nothing and getting a check
there is the fact that the worst thing for him is to have nothing to do but pick up his
check and drink. An A who has no job or is retired is not good--at least if they are working there are a few hours a day that it is more difficult to drink. Bottom line--
let it go resentments just eat at you--set yourself free--Smiles--Dee
there is the fact that the worst thing for him is to have nothing to do but pick up his
check and drink. An A who has no job or is retired is not good--at least if they are working there are a few hours a day that it is more difficult to drink. Bottom line--
let it go resentments just eat at you--set yourself free--Smiles--Dee
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
what dee says is true - mine was at least functional and didn't really drink until the weekends while working - now - who knows when he choose to do it. this situation is really what led me to al-anon and finding this site - yippee for that anyway!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
I just couldn't believe he actually thought of it as "Getting Paid" - like it was his paycheck or something. I guess that could be construed as resentment. I never really thought of it that way. hmmmm.... Something to think about.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: MN
Posts: 103
I too have a hard time with this....should they really be getting PAID to watch their own children...mine thinks so! Hasn't paid a bill in 6 months and now that he is working (since 1/1) feels that he is not obligated to pay anything until Feb becasue he has "other" thing s to take care of......what about the elect. gas. phone??? he doesn 't care that we are behind on EVERY bill.....thinks I make enough to support us when in fact I do not......I am so bitter today ...sorry!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
I am collecting unemployment and I paid way more than what I am collecting in taxes last year. I earned this money.
But, anyway, I don't really think it is about the money at all.
I think it is resentment at their irresponsibility and bad stewardship of their funds.
And my ex is a dead beat dad, and I resent the hell out of that.
I am happy to be able to take care of her and give her extra things when I can (my daughter and grandson) What is wrong with him!?!!!!!
He sneaks her $10 because gf would have a fit and think he's done a good thing?!
I have chewed him out, I have guilted him, I have manipulated him, I have threatened him, I have blackmailed him. I should not have done any of this. The thing to do is PROSECUTE for support.
been there,
live
But, anyway, I don't really think it is about the money at all.
I think it is resentment at their irresponsibility and bad stewardship of their funds.
And my ex is a dead beat dad, and I resent the hell out of that.
I am happy to be able to take care of her and give her extra things when I can (my daughter and grandson) What is wrong with him!?!!!!!
He sneaks her $10 because gf would have a fit and think he's done a good thing?!
I have chewed him out, I have guilted him, I have manipulated him, I have threatened him, I have blackmailed him. I should not have done any of this. The thing to do is PROSECUTE for support.
been there,
live
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Originally Posted by Shel
I too have a hard time with this....should they really be getting PAID to watch their own children...mine thinks so! Hasn't paid a bill in 6 months and now that he is working (since 1/1) feels that he is not obligated to pay anything until Feb becasue he has "other" thing s to take care of......what about the elect. gas. phone??? he doesn 't care that we are behind on EVERY bill.....thinks I make enough to support us when in fact I do not......I am so bitter today ...sorry!
Your right Live, it's not at all about being on unemployment. It the attitude behind it that gets to me.
Like I said B4, why should I work my tail off (at work and home) and he be able to sit on his rear end all day (except when he "actually does" pick up the kids during the week - he don't do anything!!) AND then say he's getting "Paid". It kinda shows his mentality, don't it.
Ok - I see it now. It's not a guess anymore, I DO have resentment.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: MN
Posts: 103
I have HUGE resentments over this but only for the fact that it just seems he expects it..and he knows I am the responsible one and wont' let things get shut off etc....I will keep working ....while he works MAYBE 30 hours a week and complains about it the whole time! But then throws in .......I watch the kids 2 days a week.....but he never hears me say I have the kids EVERY night and still manage to clean cook and keep myself together!! ugggggggggggggggggggggggggggg today is not better!!LOL
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
