Sad an anxious today

Old 07-26-2002, 07:15 PM
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Sad an anxious today

I am sitting here tonight...I just checked his cache of liquor and yes he is drinking but he seems to be more coherent..that is a switch. Of course he is real high on our business right now as things are moving along swiftly and he is a serious type A business man and an A too. What a combo to be!
And ME...well I am questioning myself over and over. I walk around the house saying goodbye to things.... how sick is that. To my garden that I love, to the special paint I had done etc. etc. I know they are ONLY things but I put so much into it and waited so very long to have it. Sad on my part , but the truth. I will miss having my cats...I have tooooooooooooo many and I know I will have to give some up. My house can handle them now....b ut I am sure not in the future,
I hate having to run around and protect the special things...like my kids photos ...and other mementos that I don't want him to crush when all of this comes down. All this planning and doing is getting me down.
All of my friends are telling me to hire a body guard...now don't I feal great about that one? : ( They are all worried he will go nuts when if I can secure the order of protection.
This is by far the worst

Love Kitty
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Old 07-26-2002, 07:38 PM
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JT
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Kitty,

It sounds like you are regretting the stuff and not the relationship...am I right? Don't even worry about that yet. You re getting way ahead of yourself.

The other part is what concerns me. Get your keys and some cash and keep them were you can get at them...under a rock in the yard or under the floor mat in your car. Keep your purse in the car and your key in your pocket, whatever you can do to keep yourself safe.

From what you have said he seems harmless, tho. You are the only one who really knows...do what you need to do to stay safe.

JT
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Old 07-26-2002, 07:49 PM
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Ann
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Kitty

JT is right...don't think too far ahead. But have an emergency stash ready just in case. Something someplace that you can grab and run if you need to.

And if you feel you are in physical danger from him, do what you need to do to protect yourself.

In the meantime, try to relax a little. Breathe in and out and just relax. Let the rest go.
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Old 07-26-2002, 09:12 PM
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Morning Glory
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Kitty,

I'm sorry this is so rough. It's hard to think of leaving your home. It's home. Just remember that you can make a home anywhere. It will just take time. I know it's hard to think of leaving your cats too. Our pets are important to us.

There is going to be some grief in your decision, but in the long run I think you'll be happier.

Peace of mind is so important. Right now you live on pins and needles all of the time waiting for the next thing to happen. You won't be doing that any more. Maybe you could think of the bad things you'll be giving up too.

Hugs and we're here for you,

MG
 
Old 07-27-2002, 09:15 AM
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Kitty,

My thoughts and prayers and hugs are with you today.

What has been said already is so important. Stay in today, but, be prepared to "go" quickly and safely to another spot if you are in danger. Have a bag packed and stashed somewhere else so that you have what you need in case of an emergency.

And by all means, let your support group there (the "in person" ones) know what's going on so that when you need to, you can call and not have to explain why you need help immediately.

Have at least one person arrange to call you every night at a specific time (change it every day) to check on you, just in case. And have arranged ahead of time a secret phrase to say in case you are being "watched" when the call comes, so that they know what to do and how to respond.

Do whatever you have to do to keep yourself safe. Things can be replaced. You . . . cannot be replaced.

Active alcoholics can be the most unpredictable people in the world. I would never count myself safe in the presence of my partner if he started drinking. I've seen what he can do under the influence. Things he would never even think of doing sober and sane.

And I know how that is. I am in recovery too, and I remember all the pain and havoc I caused my partner back then along with the utter chaos I would throw our lives and our home into. It's still very fresh in my mind the things I did, even after all these years. I will never be able to make up for the harm I caused while under the influence. It was like I was out of control. I could actually see myself doing it, but, couldn't stop myself from the action. It was a horrible nightmare.

So, take care of yourself. This is a hideous and horrible disease. I hate it.

Hugs.

Jon
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Old 07-27-2002, 02:59 PM
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Thanks everyone I appreciate your thouhts,
I do have a stash$$$$$$$$ a good one too, and I do have a plan...........but somehow it is still not comforting me. I have all my adult children and several close friends...and even the local police have his name and plate number. It is the starting over...........BUT,,,,,,,, this morning I was reminded again WHY I am doing this....it is about alcohol...yes...but is also about a BAD match period. We are oil and water..........sad to day. Neither of will change..it is a kid( his kidsand my kids) issue and has been sinice day one. The kids are grown and neither of us can change our ways. The kids never had issues WE did about them!!! So I know it is time. I am just wondeing how to approach this...with the court order of protection...he has never been physical..or just the divorce being filed. That has me in a spin...I sort of want to go out calm and kind...I am not sure that will happen. Many are saying he is an AH ...forget that! Go for the protection....he will have a melt down when he finds out.

Thanks support group...I need you guys!
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Old 07-27-2002, 03:05 PM
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Morning Glory
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Hugs,

MG
 
Old 07-27-2002, 03:10 PM
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Kitty,

You are so much like me. I anticipate and worry and fret and project the worst. I got that from my parents. It's a hard habit to break. But, it really does me no good, and in fact I know that it makes things even worse, because it saps my energies . . . which are needed elsewhere.

Someone suggested that if I must worry, then set aside a time slot each day to worry. And allow myself that luxury for only that specified time slot. I tried that a couple of times, and it worked once. <GRIN> But, otherwise, it just opened the floodgate and I couldn't control it once I started down that slippery slope.

So, I move. Movement is my friend. When I catch myself in a worry state, I do something active . . . even if it's going for a brisk walk (even in the rain). I find that is the best therapy for me for depression too.

Anyway, I feel your frustration and your anxiousness. Know that I send you my hugs and my prayers.

Jon
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Old 07-28-2002, 10:41 PM
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Kitty, hang in there. You are doing a good job staying focused on your goals, and you seem very clear on what needs to be done. Oh, but I know the actual "doing" is huge. Just take one thing at a time. From other posts, I know you have mapped out a strategy, and you'll forge ahead. I'm thinking good thoughts about you. You're getting good advice here. Hugs,
marie
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