My "leave me be" letter/email 2 her
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
My "leave me be" letter/email 2 her
Me:
I have become addicted to love due to low self-esteem, an excessive hunger for love, and a tremendous fear of abandonment. I’ve also been hurt by myself as a result, and by others who said they loved me. These habits were set into motion at a young age, and now, this is the good that has come from our relationship. Learning and healing. Throughout my life I’ve spent time “caretaking” for others, while hurting those around me by not taking care of myself. I was hurt too in the process, but I’ve learned from it all. It makes me who I am and I cannot take away the lessons pain has bestowed upon me. As a result I accepted being neglected and not standing for what I needed and wanted from others. I walked through life in a cloudy circle of intermittent communication. I wanted more than I was getting out of relationships, but just wasn’t ready to demand it or find someone who was willing to offer me the love and support I needed. Living a life through other people became an exhilarating mood altering experience that acted as a painkiller, which ultimately became a liability. I was afraid to leave our relationship because I knew it meant facing my fear of loneliness and giving up my identity as a caretaker. I knew it would mean going through a lot of emotional pain so I just kept putting it off, hoping my misery would end someday. Because of low self-esteem issues I did not feel loveable enough to attract someone I really liked, and so my problems were softened through solving everyone else’s problems, except mine. I didn’t realize I was the key to ending that. All the struggles, drama and chaos of the past have lost their appeal. I’m through suffering and am awakening to how I must live my life in a healthy manner. I now realize what it truly means to say, “If someone doesn’t love you, they are incapable of loving anyone else.”
Us:
A while back I began accepting my faults and working on them. I ACCEPT blame and have resolve. I’ve been hurt by dishonesty, deceit, and guilt associated with long lists of my transgressions that were never hesitated to be thrown in my face at every mistake I ever made. I allowed you to saddle me with guilt at times and project insufficiencies onto me. I’m resolving this guilt from our relationship, and from myself. The balancing scales (i.e. Money spent on food) devastated me, but nothing killed me more than the entrance of another man into our relationship. I cannot trust you, nor will I ever. The lies about drinking and other men pushed me over the edge too many times. I don’t feel you were serious about making a life with me, if you were, other men would have never entered the picture regardless of the “on again, off again status” of our relationship. You’ve proven through your actions you were ready to “move on” and did so by telling me “we weren’t together” as I waited by the wayside and lived in DENIAL. Now too much hurt and problems remain for me to afford investing my well-being, wealth and health only to be hurt again. I accept my part, and will take my last bit of guilt with me as I’m persecuted as the “bad guy” for the last time. I gave all I could for us at the time, with the exception of my life without knowing what I know now. It wasn’t enough. Now it’s time I continue to resolve and repair the damage we’ve all caused and gain back a life.
The future (Is my responsibility)
I have healed, and will continue to do so. I have admitted my own partial responsibility for my outer conditions and so have entered a path towards freedom where I need not be blind or an impotent victim of my environment. The final stage of the healing process is letting go. Letting go is when I not only put down the burden of unwanted emotions associated with past trauma, but I let go of this burden and walk away. I have faced the truth; identified sources of trauma, talked about the pain, written about it, accepted what cannot be changed, and forgiven those who have persecuted me, including myself. Now, I must take the freedom I have worked so hard to attain and move on to the next phase of my life. I must learn to live in the present unaffected by the past for my future. In my future relationships with people, I must veer away from caretaking and controlling mechanisms in order to wait and see if people handle their own life maturely and securely. I must wait and see if people are needy, or in fact know how to fulfill their heart with love and self-esteem. I can no longer rescue. I must cease making excuses for people who can, but won’t take care of themselves. I have standards for “give and take” in a relationship that must be met prior to falling in love or getting involved with someone.
I worked hard and tried to do this as a team. I love you, but I’m must now give myself the same level of dedication I gave to our relationship in order to heal and move forward into a healthy lifestyle. I put in 100%, however now I have come to grips with reality. I must save myself, not only from this relationship, but also from the past events that have affected me as well. We both had choices to make in the past, and now I must make the choice that’s best for me. I cannot be together with you, and therefore our relationship is dead. As much as I love you and believe in you, I must bury it and move on. I will cherish the “true loving” moments we shared in the past forever, just as I cherish the memories with my father. Now I must look to the future, and not dwell in the past. I wish we could have walked through the sands of time together on the worlds most beautiful beaches, but that isn’t possible anymore. I wish you the best of luck, but due to many reasons, I must move forward alone, without you………forever more.
Regards,
Justin
I have become addicted to love due to low self-esteem, an excessive hunger for love, and a tremendous fear of abandonment. I’ve also been hurt by myself as a result, and by others who said they loved me. These habits were set into motion at a young age, and now, this is the good that has come from our relationship. Learning and healing. Throughout my life I’ve spent time “caretaking” for others, while hurting those around me by not taking care of myself. I was hurt too in the process, but I’ve learned from it all. It makes me who I am and I cannot take away the lessons pain has bestowed upon me. As a result I accepted being neglected and not standing for what I needed and wanted from others. I walked through life in a cloudy circle of intermittent communication. I wanted more than I was getting out of relationships, but just wasn’t ready to demand it or find someone who was willing to offer me the love and support I needed. Living a life through other people became an exhilarating mood altering experience that acted as a painkiller, which ultimately became a liability. I was afraid to leave our relationship because I knew it meant facing my fear of loneliness and giving up my identity as a caretaker. I knew it would mean going through a lot of emotional pain so I just kept putting it off, hoping my misery would end someday. Because of low self-esteem issues I did not feel loveable enough to attract someone I really liked, and so my problems were softened through solving everyone else’s problems, except mine. I didn’t realize I was the key to ending that. All the struggles, drama and chaos of the past have lost their appeal. I’m through suffering and am awakening to how I must live my life in a healthy manner. I now realize what it truly means to say, “If someone doesn’t love you, they are incapable of loving anyone else.”
Us:
A while back I began accepting my faults and working on them. I ACCEPT blame and have resolve. I’ve been hurt by dishonesty, deceit, and guilt associated with long lists of my transgressions that were never hesitated to be thrown in my face at every mistake I ever made. I allowed you to saddle me with guilt at times and project insufficiencies onto me. I’m resolving this guilt from our relationship, and from myself. The balancing scales (i.e. Money spent on food) devastated me, but nothing killed me more than the entrance of another man into our relationship. I cannot trust you, nor will I ever. The lies about drinking and other men pushed me over the edge too many times. I don’t feel you were serious about making a life with me, if you were, other men would have never entered the picture regardless of the “on again, off again status” of our relationship. You’ve proven through your actions you were ready to “move on” and did so by telling me “we weren’t together” as I waited by the wayside and lived in DENIAL. Now too much hurt and problems remain for me to afford investing my well-being, wealth and health only to be hurt again. I accept my part, and will take my last bit of guilt with me as I’m persecuted as the “bad guy” for the last time. I gave all I could for us at the time, with the exception of my life without knowing what I know now. It wasn’t enough. Now it’s time I continue to resolve and repair the damage we’ve all caused and gain back a life.
The future (Is my responsibility)
I have healed, and will continue to do so. I have admitted my own partial responsibility for my outer conditions and so have entered a path towards freedom where I need not be blind or an impotent victim of my environment. The final stage of the healing process is letting go. Letting go is when I not only put down the burden of unwanted emotions associated with past trauma, but I let go of this burden and walk away. I have faced the truth; identified sources of trauma, talked about the pain, written about it, accepted what cannot be changed, and forgiven those who have persecuted me, including myself. Now, I must take the freedom I have worked so hard to attain and move on to the next phase of my life. I must learn to live in the present unaffected by the past for my future. In my future relationships with people, I must veer away from caretaking and controlling mechanisms in order to wait and see if people handle their own life maturely and securely. I must wait and see if people are needy, or in fact know how to fulfill their heart with love and self-esteem. I can no longer rescue. I must cease making excuses for people who can, but won’t take care of themselves. I have standards for “give and take” in a relationship that must be met prior to falling in love or getting involved with someone.
I worked hard and tried to do this as a team. I love you, but I’m must now give myself the same level of dedication I gave to our relationship in order to heal and move forward into a healthy lifestyle. I put in 100%, however now I have come to grips with reality. I must save myself, not only from this relationship, but also from the past events that have affected me as well. We both had choices to make in the past, and now I must make the choice that’s best for me. I cannot be together with you, and therefore our relationship is dead. As much as I love you and believe in you, I must bury it and move on. I will cherish the “true loving” moments we shared in the past forever, just as I cherish the memories with my father. Now I must look to the future, and not dwell in the past. I wish we could have walked through the sands of time together on the worlds most beautiful beaches, but that isn’t possible anymore. I wish you the best of luck, but due to many reasons, I must move forward alone, without you………forever more.
Regards,
Justin
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
here is the part i was too ashamed to admit i put in there. i felt it needed to be said, right or wrong as it may be.
here's what i wrote:
This came from my rationale side. The rest is a glimpse of the pain and hurt that YOU must accept. You caused THIS pain as you toyed with my heart. All along wondering how smart I am, yet willing to gamble away my feelings. This is the “restrained” pain and hurt WE were both lucky to not see come to fruition. Not on you, me, or any of your playmate’s.
P.S. What comes around goes around. I knew someday you’d end up (you can act like you’re not coming around now, but I know you are now, and if you don’t admit it, you will someday) figuring out that in fact I was nice to you most of the time, and WHO exactly I am. Life is NOT nice as we both know. But I treated you to “pure love.” That’s why you’re back. It’s your day of reckoning now. It’s time to do what I felt you had in your heart to do, LONG before we broke up. AND LONG BEFORE YOU INVOLVED OTHER MEN. But hey, that’s life. That’s just the way it is. Wouldn’t you like to know if I’ve met people?? Well that’s none of your business. Of course I’ve met people. I’ve met Black, White, Asian, Puerto Rican, and Cuban. People of all sexes, races and countries. What happened, is as you always say….. “None of your business now.” I worked so hard for it NEVER to come to this. But like you’ve always said. You’d rather lie, than tell the truth. I KNOW you’re suffering from that now, just as you did before. I’ve suffered enough for the two of us for ten years fold. Don’t get me wrong. We’ve both suffered, but I’ve got you beat. Time will prove that to you. This isn’t an arrogant statement, it’s reality. Both your parents are breathing and alive.
You wonder why I won’t call you? Well don’t get a headache thinking too hard about it. Wow. Hum. Think about it. I DON’T do SECONDS Lara. Sure, when I first met you I wasn’t number one at the time, but I appreciate that and understood the circumstances. You were married and miserable for God’s sake. But in a way I was number one. It was number one between you and I since the day I met you. I was the first to make you feel NORMAL at times. I was the first not to….you know. We HAD something special, or so I thought. When it came between you and I, I was number one, and you were MY number one. Now you’re used up. No offense. I tried to tell you about me and how I would be there for you till deaths do us part. I also warned you that it’s NEVER BE THE SAME after you let another man into our life. You’re lucky you’re still…..you fill in the blank. Let’s just say my future is WAY more important than you walking. Besides once I knew what you were up to, you were no better than the dudes who were using you. Speaking of, those users named, Mike, Brain, Nick, Michael, Dean, Adam, & plenty of dudes outside LAME ASS FUEL and hell a bunch of dudes I didn’t FORGET about, but oh yeah, I forgot about. Hummmm you’ve only slept with TWO guys huh? READ it yourself. Read the names. Yeah they use you alright, but I used to LOVE you, as in LOVED, but that’s before I knew what love was. What loving thyself meant. I used to BELIEVE you. Yeah, that’s before I knew what TRUST was. I know someday you’ll learn what it means to love yourself so you don’t do to someone else what you did to me. Meaning let other useless bar flies lick your ***** for their pleasure, when you really think it’s your pleasure. Sorry, jokes on you honey. Funny thing is you thought I was so stupid and never knew what you were up to. The joke is on both of us. I knew it, I just didn’t WANT TO SEE or BELIEVE within my heart, the truth, THE REALITY, that set’s me apart from all the other men while exposing the fake that your lack of self-esteem accrues. I knew it in my heart, and it’s the same reason I knew you’d come back. Yeah I made mistakes, but never to go back to what it was. I’ll never go back there. You’ve read what I have to say. Now leave me a lone. Go run off like you always do, and always will. There are plenty of men to lie down with, the sad thing is, you know they’re not ME, nor will they ever be like ME. Welcome to your AWAKENING. I wasn’t perfect, but I know what I’ve always been. And that’s someone you won’t take for granted NEXT time. This is expired. Now leave me alone for the rest of your life.
Please use this email as motivation NEVER to contact me again. Also use it as motivation to change. What was included in the P.S. section was never intended to be added, but then again, I’m never going to speak to you again, so why not tell you how I feel, both rationally, and irrationally. Loose my number, forget my name. Turn to those you covet so much, and uh…….you know……………………..open…………
b/c this door is iron clad locked, shut and the key has been thrown away.
here's what i wrote:
This came from my rationale side. The rest is a glimpse of the pain and hurt that YOU must accept. You caused THIS pain as you toyed with my heart. All along wondering how smart I am, yet willing to gamble away my feelings. This is the “restrained” pain and hurt WE were both lucky to not see come to fruition. Not on you, me, or any of your playmate’s.
P.S. What comes around goes around. I knew someday you’d end up (you can act like you’re not coming around now, but I know you are now, and if you don’t admit it, you will someday) figuring out that in fact I was nice to you most of the time, and WHO exactly I am. Life is NOT nice as we both know. But I treated you to “pure love.” That’s why you’re back. It’s your day of reckoning now. It’s time to do what I felt you had in your heart to do, LONG before we broke up. AND LONG BEFORE YOU INVOLVED OTHER MEN. But hey, that’s life. That’s just the way it is. Wouldn’t you like to know if I’ve met people?? Well that’s none of your business. Of course I’ve met people. I’ve met Black, White, Asian, Puerto Rican, and Cuban. People of all sexes, races and countries. What happened, is as you always say….. “None of your business now.” I worked so hard for it NEVER to come to this. But like you’ve always said. You’d rather lie, than tell the truth. I KNOW you’re suffering from that now, just as you did before. I’ve suffered enough for the two of us for ten years fold. Don’t get me wrong. We’ve both suffered, but I’ve got you beat. Time will prove that to you. This isn’t an arrogant statement, it’s reality. Both your parents are breathing and alive.
You wonder why I won’t call you? Well don’t get a headache thinking too hard about it. Wow. Hum. Think about it. I DON’T do SECONDS Lara. Sure, when I first met you I wasn’t number one at the time, but I appreciate that and understood the circumstances. You were married and miserable for God’s sake. But in a way I was number one. It was number one between you and I since the day I met you. I was the first to make you feel NORMAL at times. I was the first not to….you know. We HAD something special, or so I thought. When it came between you and I, I was number one, and you were MY number one. Now you’re used up. No offense. I tried to tell you about me and how I would be there for you till deaths do us part. I also warned you that it’s NEVER BE THE SAME after you let another man into our life. You’re lucky you’re still…..you fill in the blank. Let’s just say my future is WAY more important than you walking. Besides once I knew what you were up to, you were no better than the dudes who were using you. Speaking of, those users named, Mike, Brain, Nick, Michael, Dean, Adam, & plenty of dudes outside LAME ASS FUEL and hell a bunch of dudes I didn’t FORGET about, but oh yeah, I forgot about. Hummmm you’ve only slept with TWO guys huh? READ it yourself. Read the names. Yeah they use you alright, but I used to LOVE you, as in LOVED, but that’s before I knew what love was. What loving thyself meant. I used to BELIEVE you. Yeah, that’s before I knew what TRUST was. I know someday you’ll learn what it means to love yourself so you don’t do to someone else what you did to me. Meaning let other useless bar flies lick your ***** for their pleasure, when you really think it’s your pleasure. Sorry, jokes on you honey. Funny thing is you thought I was so stupid and never knew what you were up to. The joke is on both of us. I knew it, I just didn’t WANT TO SEE or BELIEVE within my heart, the truth, THE REALITY, that set’s me apart from all the other men while exposing the fake that your lack of self-esteem accrues. I knew it in my heart, and it’s the same reason I knew you’d come back. Yeah I made mistakes, but never to go back to what it was. I’ll never go back there. You’ve read what I have to say. Now leave me a lone. Go run off like you always do, and always will. There are plenty of men to lie down with, the sad thing is, you know they’re not ME, nor will they ever be like ME. Welcome to your AWAKENING. I wasn’t perfect, but I know what I’ve always been. And that’s someone you won’t take for granted NEXT time. This is expired. Now leave me alone for the rest of your life.
Please use this email as motivation NEVER to contact me again. Also use it as motivation to change. What was included in the P.S. section was never intended to be added, but then again, I’m never going to speak to you again, so why not tell you how I feel, both rationally, and irrationally. Loose my number, forget my name. Turn to those you covet so much, and uh…….you know……………………..open…………
b/c this door is iron clad locked, shut and the key has been thrown away.
Last edited by jsny; 01-20-2005 at 03:07 PM.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: Birthplace of Rock & Roll, Home of the Blues
Posts: 233
WOW!
It reads that you are still in a great deal of pain... I can understand why. ((Justin))
A's can really hunt, wound you with their actions... lies and other people. They always try to justify their own actions in their minds, they lie to themselves. Staying with them is hard, leaving them is hard.
I wish you peace....
It reads that you are still in a great deal of pain... I can understand why. ((Justin))
A's can really hunt, wound you with their actions... lies and other people. They always try to justify their own actions in their minds, they lie to themselves. Staying with them is hard, leaving them is hard.
I wish you peace....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
ahcb,
i find your statement to be extremely non-supportive and shallow. if one goes back and reads your previous posts to me, it seems you have a bad attitude towards me that is undeserving. you STILL don't know me, yet chose to judge me out of ignorance. WE ALL need help. the fact that you spend time speaking negatively and down towards others exposes the fact that i'm not alone in needing help. perhaps you should take your own advice so that you don't deem it necessary to put others down in order to make yourself feel better.
i find your statement to be extremely non-supportive and shallow. if one goes back and reads your previous posts to me, it seems you have a bad attitude towards me that is undeserving. you STILL don't know me, yet chose to judge me out of ignorance. WE ALL need help. the fact that you spend time speaking negatively and down towards others exposes the fact that i'm not alone in needing help. perhaps you should take your own advice so that you don't deem it necessary to put others down in order to make yourself feel better.
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
Whoa--We are all here because we are asking for help--personally I see a counselor
regularly and go to alanon and visit this sight--I think we all need all the support we can get and since I read a lot of anger and anguish in your post I would be inclined
to think you need lots of help also. You sound like you are a bit obsessive about
all of this and counseling would definitly help. I hope you don't think I am not being
kind or caring--quite the opposite--Smiles --Dee
regularly and go to alanon and visit this sight--I think we all need all the support we can get and since I read a lot of anger and anguish in your post I would be inclined
to think you need lots of help also. You sound like you are a bit obsessive about
all of this and counseling would definitly help. I hope you don't think I am not being
kind or caring--quite the opposite--Smiles --Dee
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 2,333
Dee is right, I was sitting on the edge of me seat while reading your post. I think everyone on this site could benefit from outside counsel, heck the whole world could benefit from it really. I know you have re-read your post and I am sure you will admit it is pretty intense....some of it sounds downright threatening, if I read it right. I'm not sure it's a good idea to send it to her or even post it....something to think about.
Love, Patty
Love, Patty
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Astral Plane
Posts: 64
Hmmm, I thought the first part of the letter was good and you are making progress, and then the ps part... well I hope you get the reaction you are seeking. A's dont get it, they dont care about anyone but themselves, but if it made you feel better then it's right, right? May you continue to work on yourself. prayers are with you.
Blessings,
MysticCat
Blessings,
MysticCat
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
If you haven't sent, I would like to suggest you reread it a few times.
It is great to write. I would reread as it helps to see things in many ways.
Also I would wait a week before sending and reread every day.
I found that if I reread my letters to others it defused many feelings. Even if worded just right and I mean't every word. Just a suggestion. Worked for me.
Wishing the Best for you.
It is great to write. I would reread as it helps to see things in many ways.
Also I would wait a week before sending and reread every day.
I found that if I reread my letters to others it defused many feelings. Even if worded just right and I mean't every word. Just a suggestion. Worked for me.
Wishing the Best for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
thanks guys/gals. of course i accept the fact i need counseling. i'm not afraid/ashamed to admit that. hell i'm hurt. i've just had a few issues with "ahcb" in the past. i've sought counseling since i was 16, now i am 30 and continue to do so.
it felt good to write what i did. it's the truth as i see it, and so it is setting me free. i'm not looking for a response per say, i'm venting my frustration. the type that comes with dating or marrying an A.
thanks
it felt good to write what i did. it's the truth as i see it, and so it is setting me free. i'm not looking for a response per say, i'm venting my frustration. the type that comes with dating or marrying an A.
thanks
Finding Strength
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Boston , MA
Posts: 91
Jsny....First I would like to say that I do understand your anger. I myself have gone through hell with my ex A. I kept a journal, just for me, with letters to him because I was soooooo angry and I HAD to let it out. I have said things to him in the journal that were VERY mean...Omg soooooo mean....today, I am very glad that I didnt send them. I am not a mean person by nature but reading those letters you would have thought that I was out of my mind (I was) and it would not have done a DAMN thing to stop him from using or see the pain he caused me. He knows what he did......I dont need to tell him. He has to live with that.
2nd.....you refered to a man in your post as "Mexican spic"....PLEASE dont lower yourself because of anger to refer to others by using racial slurs. Its unacceptable.
Keep posting, keep reading and take care of yourself ...try that journal, it really helps
Hugs
Michelle
2nd.....you refered to a man in your post as "Mexican spic"....PLEASE dont lower yourself because of anger to refer to others by using racial slurs. Its unacceptable.
Keep posting, keep reading and take care of yourself ...try that journal, it really helps
Hugs
Michelle
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
yes Mich, my apologies. I never should have used that language. It was in poor taste and judgment. I have friends of all races. Anyway, I don't resent sending this letter. As I mentioned, it came from both sides of me, my rational, and irrational. To each their own, however, it's possible that nothing will wake a person up, and it's also possible just one word, or sentence is all it took. that's life. i understand you didn't want to send your letters. i too have kept a journal. i wanted her to know that it's over, and exactly how she made me feel. i didn't do it for her, i did it for me, as part of my healing and recovering process.
either way, i appreciate your comments.
either way, i appreciate your comments.
Finding Strength
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: Boston , MA
Posts: 91
Ohhh I wanted to send the letters......I just didnt have an address. LOL. If I had an address at the time they would have been sent. Im sorry, I should have mentioned that above. Im glad that you are healing...I am healing too and I understand your pain.
Hugs
Michelle
Hugs
Michelle
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Well jsny, the letter has been sent. NOW...............begin really focusing on you. Learn to release that bitterness!
You know how I see it - there is a lot of energy in hating as well as loving. Is she really worth all that energy?
You want her out of your life, so I hope you'll let her go and move on with your life.
Hope you find peace.
You know how I see it - there is a lot of energy in hating as well as loving. Is she really worth all that energy?
You want her out of your life, so I hope you'll let her go and move on with your life.
Hope you find peace.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
The fact that you sent this letter shows to me that you are not ready to love someone else. I just don't think that even when you have been hurt that things like this are to be said.
If she is unfaithful, not trustworthy, sleazy, etc....then she is not worthy of you. You say thanks but no thanks and move on. If you are healthy and your partner is cheating on you, sexually promiscious, has extremely low self esteem (as your ex-gf apparently has) then you are sad for them, your heart is broken, your dreams go up in a cloud of dust, and you move on. Grieving the demise of what could have been, if only....
I'm sorry but your PS speech sounded just like what my alcoholic ex-bf said to me. HE pointed out all my shortcomings, how screwed up I was, accused me of having sexual issues...threatened to tell my friends about the TRUE me. Told me I needed counseling. blah blah blah. Convinced me more than ever that he had NEVER truly loved me and indeed was incapable of loving me at all. AND he STILL calls me to this day. He is obsessed with me....doesn't want anyone ELSE to have me. It's not healthy.
I'm not sure what else to say. I think this E-mail made me sad and sick to my stomach. I think it might have been something good to have written and gotten off your chest. But totally unnecessary to send. If you truly mean that it is over, you would have NO contact with her at all. And something tells me you will in the future. Sorry to be so hard on you. This just struck a nerve.
If she is unfaithful, not trustworthy, sleazy, etc....then she is not worthy of you. You say thanks but no thanks and move on. If you are healthy and your partner is cheating on you, sexually promiscious, has extremely low self esteem (as your ex-gf apparently has) then you are sad for them, your heart is broken, your dreams go up in a cloud of dust, and you move on. Grieving the demise of what could have been, if only....
I'm sorry but your PS speech sounded just like what my alcoholic ex-bf said to me. HE pointed out all my shortcomings, how screwed up I was, accused me of having sexual issues...threatened to tell my friends about the TRUE me. Told me I needed counseling. blah blah blah. Convinced me more than ever that he had NEVER truly loved me and indeed was incapable of loving me at all. AND he STILL calls me to this day. He is obsessed with me....doesn't want anyone ELSE to have me. It's not healthy.
I'm not sure what else to say. I think this E-mail made me sad and sick to my stomach. I think it might have been something good to have written and gotten off your chest. But totally unnecessary to send. If you truly mean that it is over, you would have NO contact with her at all. And something tells me you will in the future. Sorry to be so hard on you. This just struck a nerve.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
Good point SS, imho, i'm letting go. my way. the best way i know how. but it is happening. rest assured. today she called me and said she wanted to FINALLY "work things out. together" blah blah blah, she loves me, and realizes what a great boyfriend i was. she is sorry for all that she did. never mentioning other men, but anyway.
i said. yeah...................................i'm sorry too. sorry that it's too late. i've moved on with my life. good luck with yours, but i'm not a trash bag, nor a doormat. please leave me alone.
this was a big step, as much as i'd love to "be with her." it's not real. it's not realistic. she is not who or what i thought she was. nor was i who or what i thought i was. i'm learning that now. it isn't easy and in ways i'm willing myself to do these things, all along knowing what it would feel like to jump back in to that lifestyle again.
it reminds me of something else someone else said...."something about being lonely, and alone, but it being better than being with someone else who makes us miserable, and yet still alone."
yeah, that's me
i said. yeah...................................i'm sorry too. sorry that it's too late. i've moved on with my life. good luck with yours, but i'm not a trash bag, nor a doormat. please leave me alone.
this was a big step, as much as i'd love to "be with her." it's not real. it's not realistic. she is not who or what i thought she was. nor was i who or what i thought i was. i'm learning that now. it isn't easy and in ways i'm willing myself to do these things, all along knowing what it would feel like to jump back in to that lifestyle again.
it reminds me of something else someone else said...."something about being lonely, and alone, but it being better than being with someone else who makes us miserable, and yet still alone."
yeah, that's me
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Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
well if being with her made you say things like what you wrote in your PS email....she brought out the worst in you. Now, time to work on yourself. Spend some time alone....reflect, grow, read, learn, observe, think, laugh. Try to figure out why you would even THINK about wanting to be with someone like her. Throw yourself into your studies, your career, your health. Stop and smell the roses. Meet a new friend. And be glad this toxic relationship is in your past.
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: kansas city missiouri
Posts: 21
Oh if life were that cut and dry, wouldn't it be wonderful. I don't regret what I wrote or said Tiny. I appreciate your opinion. I also know nobody has the right answer. IMHO, we're all stupid here, just in different subjects. That's my "humble" opinion.
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