SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/)
-   Friends and Family of Alcoholics (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/)
-   -   Is something wrong with me? (https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/friends-family-alcoholics/48804-something-wrong-me.html)

sdp 01-19-2005 04:31 AM

Is something wrong with me?
 
I haven't been around here since 1/1/05, and it does not appear that anyone has noticed.

I had posted 2 threads about problems I was having. on 1, there was a response from 1 person. On the other, there were no responses at all.

I was going to stay away, but got to thinking- why am I being, for lack of a better word, ignored?

I think there are several possible reasons:

1) just way too many posts, and I got lost in the shuffle?? Maybe for 1, but 2 threads?

2) no one cares what I have to say, or I have worn out my welcome?

3) I have some sort of blindness or psychosis that comes out in my posts, and I am oblivious to it.

This is kind of like a job interview- I didn't get the job, but would like to know WHY I did not- was there something wrong with ME, or was someone else just better?

Gabe 01-19-2005 05:08 AM

Hey sdp,
Sorry that your posts got missed before. I think there are times when posts get lost in the shuffle and that is unforturnate.
You are most welcome here and you are not insignificant or being ignored.
Hugs,
Gabe

minnie 01-19-2005 05:11 AM

sdp

I'm sorry you feel so aggrieved.

I've just looked back at your posts and can only tell you why I haven't posted on them. The main issue was that I couldn't follow what was going on. There were too many characters for my brain to follow. Because of this, I didn't feel like I couldn't give you a suitable response. Also, I tend to respond to posts where there is a similarity in my life.

Minnie

jalacola 01-19-2005 05:33 AM

sdp, I am sorry that you feel ignored or unimportant. That isn't the case. I understand your frustration...when you need to talk to someone, you expect replies. I agree with Minnie in the reasons she didn't post. I re-read some of your posts, particularly the ones where you had zero or 1 reply and didn't reply myself b/c of similar reasons as Minnie. Also, I have no experience with an A other than my husband, so I don't know where lines are to be drawn on extended families. I read many posts a day and I don't reply if I don't feel that I have anything substantial to submit. But it's nothing personal. And no one here knows you so don't take it personal. There are literally hundreds of posts a day on this forum.

rivercitybelle 01-19-2005 05:34 AM

Yes, sometimes posts get lost, sometimes you have nothing to respond to on them. Your post regarding your neice & NYE seemed to be a vent rather than a quandry. You decided your neice was not spending the night and you stuck with it despite the dramas of trying to manipulate you. You made arrangements for your children since you had to work and couldn't count on your A. Yeah your kids think you're a mean mom... but hey you're a mom & it goes with the job. You had solved your problems/issues. NYD & NYE are BIG issue days for A's & those around them.

equus 01-19-2005 06:01 AM

I've had no experience of the things you were discussing. I don't think a lack of replies means that people don't care.

Sometimes when I read stuff even when it's about things I do understand - I just don't know what to say.

I think forums are fantastic but it helps to remember that we only see a small part of each others lives - other lives which are hard too. I know from another forum where I've got to know people really well sometimes not replying is just about people already feeling a little overwhelmed before even reading a post.

I reckon it's just better to ask again but say you really NEED help rather than asking why people didn't reply the first time.

cwohio 01-19-2005 07:31 AM

sdp - i too apologize for not responding. I have not been on quite as much since the beginning of the year as i used to be and when i do get on and off infrequently i tend to miss posts that aren't the most current.

welcome and please stay around!

bahookie 01-19-2005 07:43 AM

Hello :)
 
Hello there
I'm sorry you didn't feel included here. I'm sure if you give it another chance you will begin to reap the benefits of the collected wisdom available.

Can I just say that I don't always post or respond but I read nearly everything there is to read. I don't always feel that I have much to contribute and to be honest I've been struggling with giving up tobacco.

Keep coming back and I'm sure you will soon feel better.

Love and hugs
Jane
xxx

FaithChaser 01-19-2005 07:58 AM

Hey SDP!

I totally relate to the feeling of being ignored. Somedays I just want to get up and SCREAM, "YO! I am here and QUIT FLIPPING IGNORING ME!!!!"
You are NOT insignificant, I think sometimes the posts can get shuffled to the back if a lot of us are posting new threads. I try to read through all of the new ones if I have time, and post on the one's that I can relate to. Somehow I missed the ones that you had posted and for that I am super sorry. Somedays I get so busy I cannot even get on here.
I think everyone cares what anyone that has these problems has to say, we are all here to support one another. I don't think anyone here veiws what one person has to say as better or worse.
Not that there is a contest going, but I think a lot of my posts are psychotic!
We vent here, we support each other here and best of all we can learn here. Please don't stay away! I think if there was a job interview going all of us here are about to lose the job that you are offering. Please give us another chance, I promise to be on time from now on!!!!

(((HUGS))))
~FaithChaser

pmaslan 01-19-2005 08:09 AM

I too got a bit lost in your post on 1-1-05. Like Minnie I tend to respond to situations like mine, I feel I may be of some help if I have experienced something similar. I am sorry you felt ignored, I know your problems are as important as mine.
Love, Patty

escape artist 01-19-2005 08:16 AM

sdp, there is nothing wrong with you, your just a Codie like all the rest of us. I am still working on Boundaries. I think you might find some helpful threads all over the place here. I know how you feel about being taken advantage of but maybe feeling a little bit obligated by relatives, heck my SIL was so hungover she called me to ask if my young ones could come and play with her girls' new toys because they had their xmas early! How the heck would you explain to a 4 year old why Santa came to their house early? SIL is so used to having her demands met that she was quite taken aback when i said "We're making Xmas cookies. I'll let her call if she can". It seems like a weasly way to get out of it, but I was pretty surprised and very uncomfortable that she would expect me to get sucked into her hungover dilemma where she just needed to sleep and NOT deal with her own children! it was the best i could do at the time, a weak attempt at a boundary, but it did work and she definitely learned that i wouldn't be bailing her out.

KATIE77 01-19-2005 08:23 AM

Hi

Im really sorry you feel like this. I like many others here respond to situations I can relate closely too. Please keep coming back. I honestly don`t know what I would have done without everyones support over the last few months. It has been the only thing to pull me through to the next step. People will try and help and will always be here for you. Good luck!

Gracey 01-19-2005 08:30 AM

Hello Sdp

SR is a great place to be, somtimes posts do get lost in the shuffle.............for me sometimes when I post, I am posting to get things out..........kind of my own theraputic way of healing..........(but it helps me)............sometimes I answer my own questions by the time the post is completed.....

I read a whole lot..............and I may have read your posts, and I may have related, but didnt know what to respond.........the only thing I could do was relate.........to what you were saying..............and I may have learned something from your post........Keep posting, because alot of people may be able to relate..........and learn............I am so happy that I found this site.....I am so glad that I stuck around, I have read, and posted, and learned............I have grown............I hope you stick around to learn just how important you are.

((((((((Hugs))))))))

hope2bhappy 01-19-2005 08:37 AM

Hi, sdp. I took a break from the board during the holidays. I have noticed that there are a lot of people "viewing" the board, but only a few that actually post.

I've gone back and read the two posts you refer to. I agree that your posts were very busy, and I was not exactly clear on what you were asking. What I understood was that there was a lot of confusion about who was taking care of who's children on NYE and where the children were going to spend the night. My advice, for what it's worth, is that to avoid confusion everyone should take care of their own kids or make their own sitter arrangements. I guess you could have stayed home and celebrated your own NY's party at home with your children. This way you would have removed yourself from all the chaos and indecision.

Regarding your relationship with your SIL... you said she has acted differently since her husband died. Well, who wouldn't? Maybe she's depressed. Maybe she just needs time to heal. My father died more than a year ago, and we're STILL waiting for my mother to act "normal" again. When I'm depressed, I find it is easier to have relationships with casual acquaintances (like SIL's bowling group) rather than family. Family is always trying to tell me how I should feel, what I should do. By what you described, it is clear to me that she still needs and wants you to help her out, but she is also sending the message that she needs her emotional space right now. I wouldn't take it personally. Put her back on your email/IM address list. If you feel like she is using you, then re-establish your boundaries. Hope this helps a little.

Aquiana 01-19-2005 10:04 AM

Hi there. I'm so sorry you feel that no one has been paying attention. I have read your posts before but like a lot of people on here I usually only post when I feel I can add something of value. I don't have children, only one brother, he doesn't have either and I'm not married so I can't really give you anything out of experience. Please stick around. People do care but I do think that everyone's situation is already confusing without getting advice from people who don't really know what they're talking about. That's at least why I and I'm sure others choose not to put our two cents in when we don't really know the situation. I'm still sorry it came across that way.

Dee at Mt Bully 01-19-2005 10:24 AM

I'm just going to say-keep coming back--no one here is ignored or not cared about-
we all tend to respond more to situations we know more about however if you ask
for input we all try. Try being the key word--since we are all in our own quicksand.
Sorry if I hurt your feelings by being unresponsive--I really do care. Smiles--Dee

queenofthehwy 01-19-2005 12:41 PM

sdp,

I can only say I am sorry you feel like something is wrong with you. I have a hard time replying to posts I can relate to, I think I sound like a bumbling idiot. I hope you keep posting and know that everyone here really does care.

(((((hugs))))
Mindi

Karivan 01-19-2005 08:43 PM

(((sdp))) I feel the same way as a lot of the people that have already posted. I've been reading more than posting lately and I'm not on everyday. I also don't post to situations that I don't have experience with except perhaps to say something positive or I'm sorry you're going through that. Keep posting. We care about you.
Karen

sdp 01-20-2005 06:58 AM

Well, thank you all.

First off- please do not feel bad because you did not post to me-- I am so not the best at that.. The 1 post with no replies, well, that I could understand. It was when there were 2 posts with little feedback, I started to get a little paranoid. What I would try to do, if I came across an unresponded-to post, was to maybe say "I have no words, but here's a hug" or something. Usually,tho, others have responded.
Some of the people here have a great way with words. I don't have that, so I sometimes feel stupid with what I have to say. Other people say it so much better!!!

And I do agree- I respond better if it's something to do with similarities to my life. For example- I stay far away from mothers who post about their A children. That is a pain I have not been involved with and I can't even comprehend it.

I don't have a lot of time this morning, so I will try to get back later. But wanted to thank you all..

(oh, and SIL who tries to foist her daughter on me?? She was here when I came home one day. 1 of my kids was sick, and the other was going to a sleep over. I suspect she wanted her daughter to stay over, but she didn;t ask(kids had already told her about the plans for that night) HOWEVER, she did take them out to eat. That was a shocker!

sdp 01-21-2005 09:19 AM

OK.. Hissy fit is over. Luckily, my last hissy was destroyed in the Great Destroyal of 2004..

I also got into the habit of not responding to posts I felt I should have. My new (only) New Year's resolution is to try to post support more. I got so caught up in the new post thing that I was scared I would lose my place. I will try to get better. Not today tho. I have a lot of catching up to do..

I also got involved in some other, non related websites. If anyone likes to read mysteries, I found a GREAT website. PM me for the address. I imiagine it to be like a living room with a large fire, armcharis placed around this fire, soft music playing, and everyone discussing their favorite books.


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:23 PM.