I feel good about myself but scared
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
I feel good about myself but scared
I feel really good about myself lately but scared about the future. I am taking one day at a time it does help to do that instead of what I used to do and that is obsess over what was going to happen tomorrow or next week and even next month.
I'm scared but excited about starting my new job on Aug. 5th. The company I'm going to work for has been around for years and from I've heard from people I've been asking - the people that I'll be working with are really terrific people and that I'll love working there. I hope so but if not, I can always get another job - right?
I'm really nervous about not getting child support in the near future and really taking care of my children completely all by myself when my ex-a goes to court and gets sent to jail.
It makes me so angry that he doesn't ever think of his children forst before thinking of himself and doing really stupid irresponsible things. Like him getting arrested for leaving the scene of an accident, driving with no license, and hit and run. The leaving the scene of an accident is a felony - I believe with his record he will be going to jail for at least a year. He says he wants to do the right things but doesn't know how.
I realized that I do still love and miss him and if he quit drinking I probably would get back together with him after all the BS he's put me and us through. That's screwed up isn't? I do want a better life. I want a life where I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I know I won't ever have that with him as long as he's drinking. I know I won't ever get back together with him as long as he's drinking but how do you just stop loving someone and move on without them. I feel guilty for moving on with my life while he's is in such shambles. I know I can't change him but can I really help him without enabling him?
I get so scared of getting sucked back in by him that I keep this wall up especially when I'm around him. I don't feel relaxed around him. I always feel like I'm walking on egg shells. He knows how and what buttons to push and he's so good at manipulation that I don't know what he's tellingme is the truth or just more lies to get me to lower my wall.
I'm finally at a point in my life that I'm really happy. I don't have to be with someone to be happy. I'm happy all by myself. I would love to have my family back together but the difference between now and then is I know I can be happy without him and I can make it all own my own. I don't need to have him in my life just for the sake of having someone.
He told me the other night that he love me and only wants me and that he knows he has a problem. He wants to get help and wants to do the right things in life so that me and the kids will be proud of him. He asked me not to give up on him. He thinks that by him going to jail that could be the best thing for him to wake up and get his life together. I have accepted the fact that we may never be together again. He may never stop drinking and I do know I will never get back together with him as long as he is drinking and without at least year sobriety.
I do believe you have to go through stages and that each person has to go through it at their own pace in their own time. I do believe everything happens for a reason. I was about to lose my current job. They are phasing out my position because of some very large accounts they lost in the last several months. This new job went so smoothly like it was meant to happen. It was weird, it almost landed in my lap. Maybe my a is getting ready to go to jail for a reason. Maybe that's the only way he'll be able to quit drinking and to get his life together for the sake of himself and our children.
All I know is that I'm happy TODAY!!! I like how my life is going TODAY!!! Thanks for listening and sorry if I was rambling and jumping around.
Love,
Galnva
I'm scared but excited about starting my new job on Aug. 5th. The company I'm going to work for has been around for years and from I've heard from people I've been asking - the people that I'll be working with are really terrific people and that I'll love working there. I hope so but if not, I can always get another job - right?
I'm really nervous about not getting child support in the near future and really taking care of my children completely all by myself when my ex-a goes to court and gets sent to jail.
It makes me so angry that he doesn't ever think of his children forst before thinking of himself and doing really stupid irresponsible things. Like him getting arrested for leaving the scene of an accident, driving with no license, and hit and run. The leaving the scene of an accident is a felony - I believe with his record he will be going to jail for at least a year. He says he wants to do the right things but doesn't know how.
I realized that I do still love and miss him and if he quit drinking I probably would get back together with him after all the BS he's put me and us through. That's screwed up isn't? I do want a better life. I want a life where I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck. I know I won't ever have that with him as long as he's drinking. I know I won't ever get back together with him as long as he's drinking but how do you just stop loving someone and move on without them. I feel guilty for moving on with my life while he's is in such shambles. I know I can't change him but can I really help him without enabling him?
I get so scared of getting sucked back in by him that I keep this wall up especially when I'm around him. I don't feel relaxed around him. I always feel like I'm walking on egg shells. He knows how and what buttons to push and he's so good at manipulation that I don't know what he's tellingme is the truth or just more lies to get me to lower my wall.
I'm finally at a point in my life that I'm really happy. I don't have to be with someone to be happy. I'm happy all by myself. I would love to have my family back together but the difference between now and then is I know I can be happy without him and I can make it all own my own. I don't need to have him in my life just for the sake of having someone.
He told me the other night that he love me and only wants me and that he knows he has a problem. He wants to get help and wants to do the right things in life so that me and the kids will be proud of him. He asked me not to give up on him. He thinks that by him going to jail that could be the best thing for him to wake up and get his life together. I have accepted the fact that we may never be together again. He may never stop drinking and I do know I will never get back together with him as long as he is drinking and without at least year sobriety.
I do believe you have to go through stages and that each person has to go through it at their own pace in their own time. I do believe everything happens for a reason. I was about to lose my current job. They are phasing out my position because of some very large accounts they lost in the last several months. This new job went so smoothly like it was meant to happen. It was weird, it almost landed in my lap. Maybe my a is getting ready to go to jail for a reason. Maybe that's the only way he'll be able to quit drinking and to get his life together for the sake of himself and our children.
All I know is that I'm happy TODAY!!! I like how my life is going TODAY!!! Thanks for listening and sorry if I was rambling and jumping around.
Love,
Galnva
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Galnva,
You sound like you are doing wonderfully, like all the doors are opening for you.
You are aware that there will be stages, you believe that there is a greater power and you are seeing things happen in your very own life. You are a bit sad, but you know that is a normal feeling and most of all you are happy today...what a gift!
Hugs,
JT
You sound like you are doing wonderfully, like all the doors are opening for you.
You are aware that there will be stages, you believe that there is a greater power and you are seeing things happen in your very own life. You are a bit sad, but you know that is a normal feeling and most of all you are happy today...what a gift!
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Raleigh, NC (Jersey Girl transplant)
Posts: 676
Galnva,
Your post is so inspiring for me. I am so happy for you. You are so clear about where you are and how you feel. You deserve every minute of this hapiness! Your right everything is falling in line.
Your post is so inspiring for me. I am so happy for you. You are so clear about where you are and how you feel. You deserve every minute of this hapiness! Your right everything is falling in line.
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Galnva
You have made so many positive moves and it shows. I don't believe that anything in life happens by accident. I believe that there is a plan for us all and lessons to learn along the way.
Glad you are happy and feeling able to look after yourself. Don't second guess tomorrow, just live for today.
You have made so many positive moves and it shows. I don't believe that anything in life happens by accident. I believe that there is a plan for us all and lessons to learn along the way.
Glad you are happy and feeling able to look after yourself. Don't second guess tomorrow, just live for today.
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