How have you gotten through the craziest moments with your A????
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
How have you gotten through the craziest moments with your A????
I have two busted knees from surgery and I am living in a hell on earth with this maniac drunk. Anyone who can offer me advice as to how you got through the craziest moments of your life with an A - it would be appreciated!
I just cannot take another minute of the insanity. I know, I know, go to an Al-Anon meeting. Well, I can't drive at the moment but as soon as I can, I will. His drinking has escalated to the INSANE level in the past few months. I cry all the time. I ignore him. I'm depressed out of my mind. I pray he'll go away. It's a long weekend (Monday is a holiday for the federal government) and he basically sits downstairs reading a book by the fire or passed out drunk.
Oh no, I'm sorry he ISN'T "drinking" because there's no Scotch in the house. Never mind that he got up at 3 am and drank an entire bottle of wine. "I only had A GLASS to relax so I could read and go back to sleep!" Yeah, everybody I know gets up at 3 am to drink a bottle of wine. But it's not hard liquor, so he's not drinking!!!!
Tell me how not to feel like I'm going nuts. Tell me how to survive. Any suggestions at coping skills until I can get out of this madhouse would be greatly appreciated. Jeesh ... now I TRULY understand the pain others are feeling when they post on this board!!!!
I just cannot take another minute of the insanity. I know, I know, go to an Al-Anon meeting. Well, I can't drive at the moment but as soon as I can, I will. His drinking has escalated to the INSANE level in the past few months. I cry all the time. I ignore him. I'm depressed out of my mind. I pray he'll go away. It's a long weekend (Monday is a holiday for the federal government) and he basically sits downstairs reading a book by the fire or passed out drunk.
Oh no, I'm sorry he ISN'T "drinking" because there's no Scotch in the house. Never mind that he got up at 3 am and drank an entire bottle of wine. "I only had A GLASS to relax so I could read and go back to sleep!" Yeah, everybody I know gets up at 3 am to drink a bottle of wine. But it's not hard liquor, so he's not drinking!!!!
Tell me how not to feel like I'm going nuts. Tell me how to survive. Any suggestions at coping skills until I can get out of this madhouse would be greatly appreciated. Jeesh ... now I TRULY understand the pain others are feeling when they post on this board!!!!
Barely There
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Adelaide Sa
Posts: 39
I really feel for you Prodigal - am it scares me because I am having surgery next week and my AH wants to take time of to "be there for me". I also will be stuck in a house and am going to tell him to not take any time off.
Do you have any friends or family who can take you out and give you some temporary distance? Might be what you need to just get through it.
I am probably not the best one to give advice - just try to stay focussed on yourself and your recovery. Keep venting to us if it helps!!
Good luck and hope those knees heal quickly!
Do you have any friends or family who can take you out and give you some temporary distance? Might be what you need to just get through it.
I am probably not the best one to give advice - just try to stay focussed on yourself and your recovery. Keep venting to us if it helps!!
Good luck and hope those knees heal quickly!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
Posts: 316
I have spend many hours just NOT acknowledging that his is around. I find a book, watch TV, go to bed, knit a scarf, bake...anything to NOT give any of my energy to him and his addiction.
I learned that the more energy and life force I give to him, the less I have for me. That and minute to minute thinking....
And if he is downstairs drinking and you are upstairs and you can not control him, you are expending energy on a bottomless pit.
Breath deeply and refocus. Send your power and your energy into yourself. Heal.
You are in my prayers. Those work too eh?
Jenny
I learned that the more energy and life force I give to him, the less I have for me. That and minute to minute thinking....
And if he is downstairs drinking and you are upstairs and you can not control him, you are expending energy on a bottomless pit.
Breath deeply and refocus. Send your power and your energy into yourself. Heal.
You are in my prayers. Those work too eh?
Jenny
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
I really have spent untold hours studying for school
but I'm between semesters for another week. School was my SALVATION. I could kick him out of the basement since I'm going to school online and "live" in front of the computer all night if I so desired. Still, I felt a lot of emotional pain. I aced both my courses because I was so focused on my studies. But no matter what I do, the ache of emotional abandonment and abuse have taken their toll. When I try to talk to him when he's sober he's the most cold-blooded, nasty person I've ever met. After a few drinks when the "glow" sets in, he'll tell me how "committed" he is to me and how divorce is simply not something he's ever considered.
The only one who is "committed" here is me - and I'm about to be committed to a lunatic asylum!!!! I have spent hours sewing, cleaning, reading, watching t.v., on the phone chatting, watching DVD's, studying. But imagine the pain of waiting nine long months for someone you love to come home to you in worse shape than before they left! I loved this man!!! I waited for him while he was deployed to Iraq and I took care of the pets and the house and rarely went anywhere or did anything. And what came home to me was this contorted, vicious monster who is not even vaguely the person I remember. At least he was a happy-go-lucky drunk before he went overseas.
That guy is dead and gone and, frankly, I feel dead and gone and spent and exhausted and just plain old damn USED! (Sorry for venting ...)
The only one who is "committed" here is me - and I'm about to be committed to a lunatic asylum!!!! I have spent hours sewing, cleaning, reading, watching t.v., on the phone chatting, watching DVD's, studying. But imagine the pain of waiting nine long months for someone you love to come home to you in worse shape than before they left! I loved this man!!! I waited for him while he was deployed to Iraq and I took care of the pets and the house and rarely went anywhere or did anything. And what came home to me was this contorted, vicious monster who is not even vaguely the person I remember. At least he was a happy-go-lucky drunk before he went overseas.
That guy is dead and gone and, frankly, I feel dead and gone and spent and exhausted and just plain old damn USED! (Sorry for venting ...)
once in a . . .
Join Date: May 2004
Location: looking in / looking out
Posts: 1,214
I've just been released from an emotionally similar situation -
the last 6mo were sheer hell and I caught myself wondering if I could possibly hang myself from the ceiling rafters in my basement cell - oops i mean ROOM - <sweet smile>
From that point on, I PRACTISED and got pretty darned good at imaging and picturing and planning what I wanted my room (my home, my life) to look like, what I wanted it to taste like, smell like, SOUND like. I made the "rule" for myself that it did NOT matter if any of it seemed unrealistic - my only 'job' was to practise picturing what I wanted. But my other 'rule' was that I couldn't "magically change" people either
Praying helps me tremendously.
Talking (f2f or online) helps me tremendously too.
and a warped sense of humor has gotten me thru a LOT of crap as well
hard to be depressed when you're continually amusing yourself with dumb little jokes!
Hang in there! It gets different - - -
:hugs:
Blue
(who WILL re-introduce herself soon!)
the last 6mo were sheer hell and I caught myself wondering if I could possibly hang myself from the ceiling rafters in my basement cell - oops i mean ROOM - <sweet smile>
From that point on, I PRACTISED and got pretty darned good at imaging and picturing and planning what I wanted my room (my home, my life) to look like, what I wanted it to taste like, smell like, SOUND like. I made the "rule" for myself that it did NOT matter if any of it seemed unrealistic - my only 'job' was to practise picturing what I wanted. But my other 'rule' was that I couldn't "magically change" people either
Praying helps me tremendously.
Talking (f2f or online) helps me tremendously too.
and a warped sense of humor has gotten me thru a LOT of crap as well
hard to be depressed when you're continually amusing yourself with dumb little jokes!
Hang in there! It gets different - - -
:hugs:
Blue
(who WILL re-introduce herself soon!)
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