Somebody please whack me QUICK!!!!!!
 

So is it common we have slips too in our recovery? If so I am not liking it one bit!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My A is back in town since this morning, hes pulling that same ole song and dance about ...I am going to find a job, I am leaving all of that alone, (meaning the other woman, and crack issue) etc etc. Telling me he loves me more than words can describe. So, basically he wants me to pick him up this afternoon so he can come home, ONCE AGAIN. WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO KEEP GIVING HIM CHANCES???? WHY IN THE HELL CAN'T I TELL HIM TO GET OUT AND STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME AND HIS DAUGHTER???

Guys this really bothers me, simply because I've been doing so well. I can promise you all that by friday of this week he would be gone again. This is insane.

I've been seeing this other guy, he has been very understanding about my situation. We had been taking things really slow, he was talking to me yesterday and told me he wasn't trying to tell me what to do, or convince me of anything just because he wants to be with me, but that as a friend he was saying I deserve to be treated SO much better. He seems to be a very understanding person. He was telling me I am beautiful inside and out, and that if my A could stop using he would see that too.

Someone whack me with the skillet, I just don't understand why I feel like I need to give him another shot. I am really mad at myself. I hate feeling guilty. I hate this disease.

Please catch me before I fall.

Hey Bonbon

I will whack you if you whack me. I posted the other day about my A and his best behavior and I think I was getting a little to comfortable. I come hope today and he has that "intoxicated" way about him. Oh well, I am backing away, just as you probably should. I know its easier said than done when you love someone.

So here is a "WHACK" for you, I will be waiting for my "WHACK".

Take care
Many hugs
Love
Debbie

Hi Bonbon!

Here's a thought. It's okay to not take this man back even if he recovers. Are you afraid of being unfair? Of not believing long enough? Of not trying hard enough? Have you told yourself so many times that you'd take him back if he got sober that you think you have to? That you may endanger his recovery if you don't give him this chance? You won't. And it is not cruel to decide you are happier living without him.

He is not your only option. You know that. Now realize that you are not his only option. There's a whole world of people out there for him to be sober with... people who don't have a lot of open wounds inflicted by him to contend with.

Hugs,
Smoke

Bonbon....WHACK WHACK WHACK WHACK.......NOW WHACK ME. I am not in love with my A anymore...bt I am feeling the pangs of seperation ONLY when he is sober and nice..................we do have to keep a diary I suppose so we can see how lousey the bad days were...Take care
Love Kitty

Hugs Bonbon,

I think you know too much now and it won't fly this time around. Write down the facts and put your emotions aside. Act on the facts, not on how you feel.

Pretend you are Spock on Star Trek and process the information logically.

Hugs,

MG

the diary
 

The diary idea is a great one. I wrote in it when the anger and frustration became too much to take. I documented events and evenings that i cannot even remember clearly anymore without going back and reading. It really helped me get a lot of my feelings out and helped me look back over what that period of my life was like. Sometimes we block out stressful situations from our memory as time goes on....the diary doesn't allow you that luxury.

As a side note, my now sober A (for 2 yrs and 4 months) found and read my journal about 2-3 months ago. I came home to find him totally depressed and hurt. He never wanted to discuss any of what "happened" after he sobered up...even though I desperately needed him to know the gravity of some of the things that occurred. It smacked him in the face pretty hard (and the journal he found was the one I started around the time he was sobering up....NOT the one I kept during the worst of it!). I didn't want to hurt him, but I do believe he cannot fully recover without facing the reality of what was. I don't think THIS was the way though...LOL

GOOD LUCK, stay strong, and believe in YOU :)

Bonbon, thanks for your post. It really, really helps to hear about others that struggle as I do with giving one more chance. I haven't made it as far as you have yet. Your progress over the past several months has been wonderful and dramatic. I agree with MG about pretending to be Spock. Maybe I could try that.

I pray that you will hang in there, and let him do this all on his own if he really will do it. You do deserve to be loved and cherished and cared for, and maybe he has lost his chance forever to do this for you. Too much water under the bridge.

Again, this rings so true to me that it is painful. Ahhhh, the truth may set you free, but me I think I will be crawling away!

(((((((((( Bonbon ))))))))))

WHACK......WHACK.....WHACK......... now will you whack me? I actually felt sorry for my ex-a this weekend. QUACK....QUACK.....QUACK - I listened to it......that was my first mistake.

You are doing so well in your recovery........I have noticed such a huge difference in you. I really believe you know what you want to do but like Smoke said I think you're afraid of hurting him or some how feeling guilty because you really don't want to give him another chance just to be let done again but you feel like you owe him. YOU don't owe him a thing.............. you've paid your dues - lady............ You deserve to be happy and to be cherished by someone who can really love you. You are so awesome - don't allow him to bring you back in your recovery. Keep moving forward - remember that light getting brighter as you get out of the darkness. (Or something like that) You get the gest of it.

Take care and I'll be thinking of you.

Love,
Galnva

OKAY...EVERYONE BACK TO YOUR CORNERS...PUT DOWN THOSE SKILLETS!!!


http://www.bonkworld.org/img/brawl.jpg

Tell me what step says "We came to believe that beating ourselves up would solve anything".

Take thee to thy corners. Get out your best reading materials. Light a candle. Put on some NICE music. And repeat over and over again...I will NOT beat myself up. I will NOT question my judgement. I will NOT think I have to be perfect. I WILL do the best I can and leave it at that.

The skillet is a wonderful tool. Consider yourselves whacked. And now I will give you a little kick with the "Bunny Slipper' of comfort.
For the love of recovery, do something NICE for yourself.

That's all...I feel so much better now. Love you all.