HAILEY

I WOULD LIKE TO ASK IF YOUR As HAD A PATTERN AS FAR AS WHERE THEY DRANK. DID THEY COME HOME AND START DRINKING OR DID THEY GO TO BARS OR FRIEND'S HOUSES? I AM JUST TRYING TO PIECE SOME THINGS TOGETHER ABOUT MY OWN SITUATION. I NOTICED ON A PREVIOUS THREAD THAT ALOT OF YOU SAID YOUR A ALWAYS CAME HOME......ARE THERE ANY OTHERS THAT HAD AN A THAT FREQUENTLY SPENT NIGHTS OUT AT OTHER PLACES AWAY FROM HOME?

cwohio

when i first met my ah he would go out after work and also drink at home. after we go married he pretty much drank at home but openly. somewhere along the line he quit for about a year and then went back to it and now has resorted to "closet drinking" (hiding the bottle and filling soda cans, cups of whatever beverage). i'm not sure why except that maybe he doesn't want anyone to see how much he drinks or that he drinks but as we said in another thread - most everyone knows when the a has been drinking.

don't know if this will help!

Buster

for me my AH drank in bars - unfortunately there is one just 2 minutes from our house. He would drop in on his way from work ( when he had a job ) and never made it home before our son went to bed. He rarely drank at home except for maybe a glass of wine with dinner. He never hid bottles or drank behind closed doors as such...

HAILEY

Thanks Cwohio. It Helps. My Ah Never Tried To Hide That He Was Drinking So I Know That's Not Why He Went Other Places. He Drank At Home Too But Usually It Was After He Got Back From Drinking At Other Places And Yes..you Can Tell When They Are Even If They Do Try To Hide It. I Could Tell The Minute I Heard Him Speak On The Phone.

Jenee

My husband had a DUI about 20 years ago. The one positive effect of that is that he doesn't drink outside of the house. He never comes home drunk and he never goes out drinking. We've been married 12 years and it's never happened. We are almost always together outside of working hours.

He comes home straight after work every night, and unless there's a function with our son (basketball or whatever) he starts drinking around 7:00.

HAILEY

WOW..I AM STARTING TO SEE SOME THINGS NOW. MY AH ALSO HAD A DUI BUT HE CONTINUED TO DRINK AND DRIVE ANYWAY...HE WENT RIGHT BACK INTO THE BAR/BUDDIES ROUTINE. I SWEAR HE ONLY CAME HOME TO TAKE SHOWERS. THANK YOU BUSTER AND JENEE FOR RESPONDING.

JessicaNAJ

My AH drank at home. But that was only because he had no other transportation. He did, on occassion, walk to the bar. But that was usually when he was binging (he still drank about every other night). He too has had 3 dui's and continues to drink and drive - and he just got his license back last year!!

SusanD

Hi Hailey,

My husband drank and drugged everywhere. At home. With friends. In the bars. At work. While driving or parked in his car somewhere. Three DWI's, related time in jail and probation, and many close calls did not stop him from drinking and driving. There was never a predictable pattern--except when he was using cocaine. The cocaine binges always involved staying out all night and driving around alone for a 12-48 hour period. Guess he was afraid to come home, because I surely would have been the ultimate buzzkill. In my situation, the sneakiness, lies, and betrayal revolved around the cocaine use.

With much gratitude, I am happy to say that my husband is currently sober, working a recovery program, and seems committed toward abstinence.

All The Best, Susan

hope2bhappy

My AH drinks at home. Also, my H's car IS the bar (drinks while driving). I call it the Car-Bar. The only time he hides his drinking (that I am aware of) is in the morning before he goes to work. He doesn't do this every morning, but frequently enough. I have found beer cans in the oddest places.

This just doesn't make sense to me. Who does he think he's fooling? When he hides it, it appeared that he thought he was drinking secretly. That's why I always felt compelled to let him know that I knew. But the advice I received from folks here told me not to say anything to him about it.

queenofthehwy

Mine started out always going to friends houses, then friends started coming to our house, they never drank inside always in the garage (thier own little bar w/no cover charge)

Now he drinks in the car on the way home from work and in the garage, or tries to hide it. He even drinks in the shower!!!!!

Mindi

nocellphone

Hmmm... getting clean and getting drunk all at the same time! Innovative!

The alcoholics in my life basically drank wherever the booze was: on the couch, in the kitchen, on somebody else's couch, in somebody else's kitchen, at the bar, on the way to the bar, on the way home from the bar, in another state, in prison (oh, sorry... those were drugs, not booze. Same difference)...

Just follow the trail of empty bottles.

drgnfly30

When we dated, AH used to drink at the bar of the restaurant he worked at - after they closed the employees would all hang out & drink. Very little impact to me except the worry about him being out so late, driving too drunk etc. Then once we married he had a more normal working schedule but he just wouldn't show up after quitting time.. by then we had a baby, only had one car & I had know way to get ahold of him & had no idea where he was - boy, the arguments we'd have when he'd finally show up at home, drunk!! Now after 20 years together, he always comes straight home from work & either has had a few shots in the truck on the way home or immediately starts to drink when he walks in the door. I've experienced just about every type of drinking - not one of them was any better then the other - each has their own type of worries & problems.... from not knowing if they are dead on the side of the road to night after night of blackout induced verbal abuse.
Christine

prodigal

But you're right. Hell, they'll drink down in a snakepit or a cesspool if that's the only place they can find a bottle of booze! My first AH was a very social kind of guy (in sales - so he was full of B.S.) and he was ALWAYS hanging out at bars. I didn't mind after awhile because I had the house to myself a lot on weekdays. Sometimes even on weekends, if he played golf with his boozehound buddies.

My current AH (are we discerning a PATTERN HERE???) is an isolationist. He just loves to lay on the floor in the basement in front of the fire and get totally gassed. He's not the social type, being one of those brainiac geek engineers. Also, I get the feeling he thinks he's somehow superior to us mere stinking mortals, so he throws his pity parties alone.

Heck, I wish he'd go out to bars just to get him out of my hair when he starts pulling a drunk-a-thon. However, he got a DUI back in 10/02 - blew a 2.0!!! - so he lives in fear of drinking and driving (not that he hasn't done it a few times - just hasn't gotten caught).

rara

Hi Hailey,

I am still a newbie but know enough about drinking patterns as far as my A and his family. When we were dating, he loved sitting at the bar when we went to restaurants, including very expensive restaurants. Mind you, he NEVER got drunk or drank to excess (well, maybe excess for me since I drink very little, but I think I was on some other planet while we were dating). I remember how thrilled he was that we could get a seat at the bar. This was ostensibly the best seat in the house as far as he was concerned and he always made friends with the bartenders (still does). I was a little annoyed at having to eat at the bar, a bit uncomfortable at times, but I didn't think much of it then. I thought he was so sophisticated. A sure sign that I missed.

Anyway, once we were married, the drinking was consistently at home. When he was at a family thing, he drank at least twice as much (still does). When his adult kids are here, he drinks a lot more also. They are all used to it and there is a lot of pressure to drink and just have a grand old time. I find it bizarre to tell you the truth. With my family, he usually drinks half or less than what he drinks at home. So, you see I am pretty aware of the patterns. As far as socializing outside the house, he doesn't really like to do it much unless there is drinking involved or he has access to a drink. This was not the case so much early on, but it has gotten much worse. He can last maybe 3 hours out somewhere, but then I think he gets uncomfortable. This has clearly limited our social life. He much prefers to drink at home, and does so from about 3:30 on. He doesn't hide, and seems pretty proud of himself, "puffed up" as I have heard in Al-Anon. Isolationist, as prodigal's post said. He does drink and drive, but rarely when he has a lot to drink. That is relative.

Anyway, that's my A's pattern. I'm glad he's not out at the bars, but it's no fun being around it at home either. I almost never sit with him for long periods when he drinks. I need sober and sane breaks for myself! Hope this helps with seeing patterns and how they all differ with our A's.

rara