Spouse

My husband was caught stealing money at work. I've just learned he was stealing to buy money for beer. He says he used to buy it and hide it around the house so I wouldn't know how much he was drinking. He was never visibly drunk(although looking back, there were times when his speech was slurred slightly), but just couldn't stop. He claims to just have an oral fixation. He doesn't have to have alcohol. He just has to have a drink of some kind. I asked him to just stop drinking beer then, if that was the case, but he wants to be able to drink with family and friends at times. He says he won't drink alcohol alone any more. Could this be just an "oral fixation" or is this just an excuse?

drgnfly30

"Oral fixation"?!?! If it were, why not drink water - it's free!

He's stealing to buy alcohol
He's hiding it from you
He's drinking alone
He's lying about how much he's drinking
He's justifying his drinking by making excuses

Sounds to me like he's got a drinking problem.

My best advice is to read these boards & learn. Try out an Alanon meeting. Alcoholism is a progressive disease & it sounds like your ride is just starting..
Best of luck
Christine

hope2bhappy

Yes. It is an "oral fixation." He is fixated on how he can orally consume more beer, while he is orally lying to everyone about his fixation.

minnie

Spouse

Welcome to SR! You've found a great place here for support and advice. I know that I would have found things a lot more difficult had it not been for the people here.

Hope you stick around a do a lot of reading. Have you considered going to some al-anon meetings?

Love

Minnie
xxx

p.s. that excuse just HAS to go on the Top 10 reasons to drink thread! I thought I'd heard them all.......

JessicaNAJ

Welcome to SR Spouse....

I think the folks above said it all.

Stick around. We are here for you.

Jessica

Dee at Mt Bully

Wow--never heard that one--everyone is right he definitly has an addiction to
alcohol and you have come to a great place for help. Keep reading and writing you
can learn so much here. Keep in mind that having an alcoholic spouse is not the end
of anything--it is however the beginning for you to learn how to take care of your
self emotionally and not let his sickness consume you. Hang around you'll see.
Love and smiles--Dee

Gabe

Yep, that's it.

wraybear

Spouse, try really hard to step back and pretend this is NOT your husband. Think of yourself as reading this in a pamphlet or a book. Read each sentence slowly and carefully. After each sentence, stop and think... does this person have a problem with alcohol? Then you may be able to see the truth...

People that don't have an addiction, don't steal money at work to buy alcohol.

People that don't have an addiction, don't hide alcohol.

People that don't have an addiction, don't have slurred speech and can't stop.
(well, maybe on new year's eve!!!)

You need to ask a doctor about this one. I think most of us would agree that we have never seen someone who says they have an oral fixation because they need to drink.

So, water, pop, tea, coffee aren't some kind of a drink?

Why? No really, why? to "feel" good? to "fit in"?

great, so now you can expect to see less of him, so he will drink with buddies, since he made a commitment to not drink alone.

It is just an excuse.

I hope I haven't been offensive. Many of has have been where you are, especially at the beginning of realizing there is a problem. Right now is the time for you to seek help for YOURSELF... Glad you found this sight!

Dan

Hi Spouse, and welcome.
I'm an alcoholic.
Denial is my middle name. I'll say anything to get people off my back so I can drink.
I'll also say anything to avoid looking at what is staring me right between the eyes.
I think your husband and I are alike.
Best of luck for you both.

nocellphone

"Oral fixation"... That's classic.

I'm sad to see that you've chosen "Spouse" as your screen name. Too often, as we are affected by someone else's alcoholism, we give up our right to individuality and identify as the wife of/husband of/son of/girlfriend of the alcoholic...

You're more than a spouse. You are a beautiful human being, confused by the insanity of the cunning, baffling, powerful family disease of alcoholism, and now in a good place to find comfort and support from those who understand.

Try this too:
http://www.al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html

2dayzmuse

I have to give him points for originality. I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound glib, but I've used every excuse in the book and that one slipped right by me. Although a clever excuse, not a very good one. Don't give up Spouse. There is always hope that your husband will accept his problem and seek help for it. Mean while, I'd suggest you try going to Al-Anon meetings to help you deal with his problem.