JennyK

tonight my husband came home all hyped up. He had been drinking and was not drunk. He IS going to rehab or he is leaving this home and he knows that. He is going to hash out the rehab detail on Wednesday with his therapist. Until then, I guess, he feels he has a green light to drink when he is not at home.

At any rate, he came home with some great business ideas, one of which I totally believe in. Although it would require work on my end. A lot of work. I was not enthusiatic when he presented his plan for his "after rehab" business, knowing that the bulk of the work will fall on me. If he can prove himself with this project he has a good full time job lined up. SO, he NEEDS to do well with this.

I can do it. It will take time away from tons of other things that I have to do.

How common is this for an addict to see a "great future" after rehab and need a ton of support? My husband is financially a diseaster and NEEDS this kind of job so we can keep our family in a home, so I do feel that I need to do whatever it takes. Although, it is TERRIBLE timing, with him being on the brink of rehab and with the future so unknown.

I know this is very vague, but I wonder just how co-dependent is this? Or how much is just working as a family? Or how much is my husband complete lack of the computer impairing him at this point (for his new venture)?

I want to just pause time. Have him do rehab. Have him get settled. Have him do this thing on his own (with my support). But that option is not available, it is a seasonal thing. And income at this point is vital.

I am so confused. He was all excited tonight to talk to me about it and I was NOT into it, and the reason was I knew he had been drinking and I knew he was "planning" to go away for rehab.

The codie part of me is screaming right now...I SOOOOOOOO want do just do this for him and save him. And yet, I am really pissed off that he would even ask...

Damn.

Jenny

FormerDoormat

Hi Jen:

I think the question you need to ask yourself is are you jumping into this situation to help your husband or are you doing it to help yourself? And based on his past behavior, are you confident your husband will take equal responsibility for this endeavor or will you be carrying the bulk of the load? Has your husband raised your hopes in previous endeavors only to let you down? The answers to these questions lie in his past behavior and we all know that actions speak louder than words.

osier59

Hi Jen,
I wouldn't be surprised if it gets put on hold... often in treatment and 12 step work the A is advised to not make any major decisions for 6 to 12 months. If he's working his recovery program like many do, he wont' have time, energy etc to do anything else!

If this business venture is something that you can do on your own to help pay the bills then maybe you can go forward....

Good luck

Barb

JessicaNAJ

Jenny - Do you think he's doing this to hold on to his CoDe??

hope2bhappy

Well... at least he has dreams and goals. He has hope. This might be helpful to him in his recovery. Something to work towards, so to speak. I guess the success of his new venture hinges on how well he does in his recovery. As long as you are partners in marriage, I don't see any reason why you can't be partners in a business that is designed to make life better for both of you. Who knows? If it all ends up being your responsibility, then maybe YOU will end up being president of your own company some day. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.

Dee at Mt Bully

Maybe the key here is to think this thing out and decide if it's for you for him or for
the family. You also have to decide if you can handle another responsibility. I have
heard from other people who's mates are entering rehab that they have lots of plans for this new future--and after some time in rehab they are so involved in thier own
recovery that these great ideas get put on hold. So you could end up doing this thing
on your own. Just random thoughts hopefully I'm not adding to your confusion. Just
because I'm living in a state of confusion LOL no reason to drag you into it.
Love and smiles--Dee

wraybear

You don't need to think about this business adventure TODAY, right? So, don't.
Sounds like he isn't planning on starting it until he gets out of rehab, so try not to think about it TODAY. I REALLY need to work on worrying myself, that's why I am bringing up these phrases, just hope they help you a little too...

"Don't worry about crossing the river until you get to the bridge"

You cannot add any time to your life by worrying about it. (Matthew 6:27)

So don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will have its own worries. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (Matthew 6:34)

Take care, I hope you have a worry free day!