JessicaNAJ

Just one more smack in the face.

I'm celebrating my kids birthday tomorrow. I have soooo much cleaning to do AND I still have to make the cakes. My AH said he'd help me today and I actually believed he would.

I told him last night I was taking off work today so I could clean and get things ready. He offered to come help. I told him one thing I really needed to do today was take down the Christmas lights.

I stopped over his apartment (his phone was shut off/CincBell was there turning it on.) to see if he was still going to stop by. He said he was - around 6:30.

I called him at 6:00 to see if he was still going to be there. He said, "No. All you really needed was for me to take lights down." I went off like a time bomb.... I told him I didn't say that was all I NEEDED him to do - "I don't need you to anything. You know, it was nice of you to offer, but your offer is now worthless to me b/c you just totally renigged on it. You can take that offer to help and shove it up your @$$."

Yes I was a little ticked off. Afterwards though, I was more mad at myself for actually believing that he would actually help me. I mean, why else would he offer, right?

He had the nerve to call me at 9:30 to see how the cleaning was going. What a jerk!!! If he was that da@n worried, he should have been here helping.

I've still got a lot to do. I need to quit dragging my feet. This might be an all nighter....lol

1sunshine2

I hope you are doing okay....getting tired of being a believer yet? I know I sure am. It is really awful not being able to believe even the littlest things. Good grief no wonder I don't trust anyone.....you start to think no one tells the truth once you are with a big fat liar for so long..I know alcoholics are liars. But do they all lie about everything? Why not just lie about drinking? I still don't really get it I guess....

JessicaNAJ

Yes, I am.... I had so much to do and really needed the help that when he offered I was so greatful I believed him. I would have been greatful if anyone offered for that matter / not just b/c it was him. I'll not be so optimistic next time.

1sunshine2

hear from you.................don't stop being optimistic when an offer of help comes along..........just when it comes from an alcoholic.....

JessicaNAJ

His words mean less and less to me everyday. Right now, they have very little meaning at all. I'm okay though - we all learn from our mistakes.

1sunshine2

I hope the day comes for us both and soon. that the word hold so little meaning, we will not give them the time to even listen. I don't want to keep wishing to hear words that will never hold any true meaning.....can't wait until I can 100% not care 1 ounce.

JessicaNAJ

I'm about 90% right now.

I have a lot of back up plans in place b/c I already know I can't depend on him. That makes me think- why would this time have been different?? :slaphead

1sunshine2

forward. I thought to myself today. My job is keeping me so busy, I don't have time for any more projects. Including the one in jail.....I will just stay busy...I remember a time, when I would not have been able to do this even for a couple days. So at least being 45 and not 25 I am more able to let go of things that I know I can do nothing about. At least some of the time anyway....

FormerDoormat

Don't beat yourself up over this. You've taken enough abuse from your AH. Of course you believed him, and why wouldn't you? You always keep your word. You're dependable and you know the meaning of responsibility. So do all of us here. There's no one more responsible than a codie. And because you'd never let anyone down or go back on your word, you naturally expect that others will do the same. Unfortunately, you are expecting too much of your AH. He cares only about himself, getting his needs met, and finding a way to continue practicing his addiction.

The next time he asks you for help remember to do the same thing for him that he would do for you--nothing. Hope you didn't stay up all night cleaning.

JessicaNAJ

You are absolutely right. Thanks for the reminder - what was I thinking ... lol

It's 2:30 a.m. - I'm headed to bed. Me and the kids are going to see Racing Stripes tomorrow, it starts at 10:00 a.m. I hope I don't fall asleep. :shades:

JessicaNAJ

We didn't make it to the movie : ( But their party was a success. I'm so glad it turned out as well as it did. They were both soooo happy.

AH called around 2:00 (?) and asked how much I had left to do. I basically told him it was none of his concern. He didn't care to help yesterday, he don't need to worry about it today. After the party, he cleaned EVERYTHING.... Big help, but I didn't do cartwheels....lol

FormerDoormat

Glad the party was a success.

You go, girl!

I wish that meant that he feels bad for not helping you before the party, but it's more likely that he's just suckin' up so you'll come a runnin' the next time he's in a mess. I'd consider it more a manipulation than an attempt to help.

JessicaNAJ

LMAO - probably sucking up!!! But at least I didn't have to clean! YEA ME!!

FormerDoormat

Now I'm LMAO too!

Buster

it is so good to see that amidst all these "problems" that we are still able to laugh

Gracey

I have come to a phase in my life...............where i will never believe a word my A says to me.

I will not expect anything............I dont want to hear I am sorry for him to do the same thing the next day...........if he was truly sorry he would do it again...........right??

I have learned who I can rely upon..........and that is just me for now.............I know that if I have to get something done, I am the one that is going to have to do it.........

If I want a Christmas present..........I have to buy it for myself................cause he wont get me one............So I did this year and it was great..........although there was no element of surprise...........it was nice to spoil myslef.........

I will plan to go to every activity by myself................that way there is no room for disapointment.......I am also not going to be so hard on myself when some things I want accomplished dont get done.........because I know that i do the best i can.........and just because I take some time to relax and just do nothing it is okay................

1sunshine2

I had two conversations with my husband in the last 4 days. The last conversation ended with him saying "can I call you tomorrow night?" I said you can do whatever you want. Needless to say he didn't call. and he is in jail...so it's not that he was out drinking. It's that he is an alcoholic that doesnt do what he says. drunk or not...I am sure he is setting up for the big one when he get's out tomorrow....not call, I should get mad, won't call again coz surely I am mad...get out tomorrow go get drunk coz I am mad....hope he calls tonite...Coz I will not mention that he didn't call. Why mention it....he's going to do what he is going to do and I sure hope I wasn't sitting here waiting for his call...who know what I am really doing...I sure don't....anyway....If you don't expect anything, you can't be let down right???????

JessicaNAJ

Sunshine -

Absolutely - that's pretty hard to swallow sometimes though. We are respectful/responsible people and we expect the people around to be respectful/responsible as well. Unfortunately, we have A's in our life and it is so darn frustrating at times. But, you are absolutely right, they're gonna do what they want to do and they don't care how it makes us feel. Once we let go of our expectations, they're (what seems to be) selfish behavior is easier to deal with.

Hmmmm.... Why did I worry all these years about how he felt?? Coz I'm just that way....lol

1sunshine2

I cannot believe this, I am watching the clock. every 15 minutes I look because he hasn't called. I guess I have been just fooling myself. When I was haveing no contact I now think I was semi happy because I decided no contact....control freak....that's it...I know it...now that I gave him the green light, he's not calling....and guess who is anxious again...not him...he can call or not call...ME...cos he has the control back...how screwed up is this thinking...pretty screwed up....back to square one...crap

JessicaNAJ

Sunshine - I know exactly how you feel. I've been there 100 times and each time I go there - I learn something that makes the next time easier. Ask the folks here for support. They have always helped me. Besides, the typing and reading will help you take your mind off of it- trust me....lol

This is just one more challenge you have to take on your road to recovery.