I hate myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 6
I hate myself
I need some help. I probably need to be committed somewhere. I am having such a hard time just dealing with life. I feel like such a failure, a flop. I have a chronic illness which causes me enormous stress, I am working 2 jobs because I have no social life (or friends) I isolate when I am at home or else I sleep. I am on tons of meds including anti-anxiety and anti-depressants. I see a therapist. I'm just falling backwards. I feel almost too lazy to pull myself out of the mud I have fallen into.
I have the tools of al-anon but,with this disease, I am fatigued most of the time and have no energy to go to meetings anymore.
I do have a good job but I feel like I am in denial and living in my own head so much of the time. My kids are gone (my daughter leaves for Italy with my new grandson next month) and I am sick about that.
I am not dating anyone probably because of this F@@##@ diabeties I have gained 50 lbs in a very short time.
I hope I'm not being too dramatic here, I just feel alone and lonely tonight. I don't even know how to help myself anymore. It just seems hopeless. I'm not suicidal...I just needed to dump. Its getting too heavy for me to carry on my back alone.
Lynn
I have the tools of al-anon but,with this disease, I am fatigued most of the time and have no energy to go to meetings anymore.
I do have a good job but I feel like I am in denial and living in my own head so much of the time. My kids are gone (my daughter leaves for Italy with my new grandson next month) and I am sick about that.
I am not dating anyone probably because of this F@@##@ diabeties I have gained 50 lbs in a very short time.
I hope I'm not being too dramatic here, I just feel alone and lonely tonight. I don't even know how to help myself anymore. It just seems hopeless. I'm not suicidal...I just needed to dump. Its getting too heavy for me to carry on my back alone.
Lynn
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: British Cloumbia, Canada
Posts: 28
Hi Lynn,
I hope that you are feeling better today
I think that if you read your note a few times, you may actually see some solutions to your problems. Often times we know what is best for us, but we keep it hidden for fear of having to take action. I know, it makes no sense, but as I can relate to the "fatigue-thing", I feel that it is something that we chose.
So, my challenge to you, read your note a couple of times, and see if you can find some solutions.
Hope your feeling better,
Action Girl
I hope that you are feeling better today
I think that if you read your note a few times, you may actually see some solutions to your problems. Often times we know what is best for us, but we keep it hidden for fear of having to take action. I know, it makes no sense, but as I can relate to the "fatigue-thing", I feel that it is something that we chose.
So, my challenge to you, read your note a couple of times, and see if you can find some solutions.
Hope your feeling better,
Action Girl
Guest
Posts: n/a
Lynn,
How are your sugar levels? Your levels alone can make you feel this bad.
It's never hopeless. It might seem that way today. I've been in dark places that were so hard I never thought I would make it through the day. I was also too tired to pick myself up.
I've come from severe anxiety and severe depression and severe emotional damage to now actually being content with my life.
Don't ever give up and don't think it will stay this way. This too shall pass. Having your daughter and grandchild move away must be very painful.
I don't know how long you've had diabetes, but I know it's difficult to deal with. Take it a day at a time. Check your levels and try to eat right.
Keep posting,
Hugs,
MG
How are your sugar levels? Your levels alone can make you feel this bad.
It's never hopeless. It might seem that way today. I've been in dark places that were so hard I never thought I would make it through the day. I was also too tired to pick myself up.
I've come from severe anxiety and severe depression and severe emotional damage to now actually being content with my life.
Don't ever give up and don't think it will stay this way. This too shall pass. Having your daughter and grandchild move away must be very painful.
I don't know how long you've had diabetes, but I know it's difficult to deal with. Take it a day at a time. Check your levels and try to eat right.
Keep posting,
Hugs,
MG
Last edited by Morning Glory; 07-19-2002 at 08:01 PM.
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 175
Dear luckygal,
Ummmmmmm you want direct I will give you direct,,,but I have to tell you gal, most of us mean well, so off the peoples toes who mean well OK? : )
I can understand your feelings about your child....I have a new grandchild and kids moving on too it is a tough place to be in your life. Very. But what are YOU doing for you?
Last year at this time I weighed 30 lbs more than I do today...so did my friend. We tookup tennis and she has severe fibromyalgia and is on a ton of drugs...and I have panic disorder and I have my drugs too......but we got off our FAT BUTTS and started to move and we felt better,much better! We made new friends...it was fun to be out. I went further too ...I started to work out little and watch my diet very close ( which you have to do)and I am now a size 6. It was hard work but it got my mind off me and my problems with my A husband...........now I am moving on even further. Get off your butt lady and do something and if you would like a "pitty party" ask for one and we will throw you a big one...if not take the bra by the straps and MOVE FORWARD!
Your friend...truly,,,,,,,,,,,
Kitty
Ummmmmmm you want direct I will give you direct,,,but I have to tell you gal, most of us mean well, so off the peoples toes who mean well OK? : )
I can understand your feelings about your child....I have a new grandchild and kids moving on too it is a tough place to be in your life. Very. But what are YOU doing for you?
Last year at this time I weighed 30 lbs more than I do today...so did my friend. We tookup tennis and she has severe fibromyalgia and is on a ton of drugs...and I have panic disorder and I have my drugs too......but we got off our FAT BUTTS and started to move and we felt better,much better! We made new friends...it was fun to be out. I went further too ...I started to work out little and watch my diet very close ( which you have to do)and I am now a size 6. It was hard work but it got my mind off me and my problems with my A husband...........now I am moving on even further. Get off your butt lady and do something and if you would like a "pitty party" ask for one and we will throw you a big one...if not take the bra by the straps and MOVE FORWARD!
Your friend...truly,,,,,,,,,,,
Kitty
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi luckygal
Recognizing that you have a problem is a good start and there are things you can do that will make your life better.
I would suggest talking to your doctor about your physical symptoms. My husband is diabetic and this can affect you mentally as well as physically. Insulin is a hormone, and when this hormone is out of whack as it is with diabetes, your whole mental situation can change drastically. Particularly if you are Type 2 Diabetic, and more so if your sugar levels go up and down or stay high. A daily monitoring device is excellent for you to keep an eye on your sugar levels. Anything above 7 is not so good and above 10 is getting dangerous. The added weight can drastically affect that too.
My husband just lost 40 pounds, slow and healthy, and it has made a huge difference to him. The Americal Diabetic Association can give you lots of good literature to read on this and your doctor can work with you. Also a nutritionalist can give you a great healthy diet, where you get to eat lots and are never hungry, but that will help. My husband did not realize that pasta and rice are like eating sugar straight. And that healthy drinks like V8 are also very high. Please talk to someone soon.
When you diabetes is under better control, you may find that your anti-depressants work better. Again, check with your doctor because if you take Metformin or other medication for diabetes, it can react with the other medications badly.
I was going to tell you to do some good things for yourself, things that make you feel better....but I have a feeling if you look after the health problems, the better attitude and feeling of well being will follow.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Recognizing that you have a problem is a good start and there are things you can do that will make your life better.
I would suggest talking to your doctor about your physical symptoms. My husband is diabetic and this can affect you mentally as well as physically. Insulin is a hormone, and when this hormone is out of whack as it is with diabetes, your whole mental situation can change drastically. Particularly if you are Type 2 Diabetic, and more so if your sugar levels go up and down or stay high. A daily monitoring device is excellent for you to keep an eye on your sugar levels. Anything above 7 is not so good and above 10 is getting dangerous. The added weight can drastically affect that too.
My husband just lost 40 pounds, slow and healthy, and it has made a huge difference to him. The Americal Diabetic Association can give you lots of good literature to read on this and your doctor can work with you. Also a nutritionalist can give you a great healthy diet, where you get to eat lots and are never hungry, but that will help. My husband did not realize that pasta and rice are like eating sugar straight. And that healthy drinks like V8 are also very high. Please talk to someone soon.
When you diabetes is under better control, you may find that your anti-depressants work better. Again, check with your doctor because if you take Metformin or other medication for diabetes, it can react with the other medications badly.
I was going to tell you to do some good things for yourself, things that make you feel better....but I have a feeling if you look after the health problems, the better attitude and feeling of well being will follow.
Good Luck and God Bless.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Lucky.
If you don't need this second job... perhaps there are some things that you could be doing instead of that to improve your social life and lessen the fatigue you are feeling. I have some physical problems myself. I know that when I am having fun or doing something that interests me, it's a lot easier to forget things like pain and tiredness.
For instant company... take a class at the local community college. Pick something goofy like ghost hunting or crafty like basket making... things that inspire conversation. OR... volunteer to work on a community theatre production. If you don't feel like auditioning, you can work backstage. You don't have to know anything about theatre... you only have to be willing to learn. I'm a costumer by profession. One of the opera companies I do work for is always looking for volunteers. There are these two wonderful ladies who work on every show and help with costumes. They can sew buttons, iron and help the actors keep track of their accessories... and I have the best time with them.
Give yourself a little adventure. Having a disease does not mean you have to be stuck in a rut.
Hugs,
Smoke
If you don't need this second job... perhaps there are some things that you could be doing instead of that to improve your social life and lessen the fatigue you are feeling. I have some physical problems myself. I know that when I am having fun or doing something that interests me, it's a lot easier to forget things like pain and tiredness.
For instant company... take a class at the local community college. Pick something goofy like ghost hunting or crafty like basket making... things that inspire conversation. OR... volunteer to work on a community theatre production. If you don't feel like auditioning, you can work backstage. You don't have to know anything about theatre... you only have to be willing to learn. I'm a costumer by profession. One of the opera companies I do work for is always looking for volunteers. There are these two wonderful ladies who work on every show and help with costumes. They can sew buttons, iron and help the actors keep track of their accessories... and I have the best time with them.
Give yourself a little adventure. Having a disease does not mean you have to be stuck in a rut.
Hugs,
Smoke
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: St. Louis MO
Posts: 6
I wasn't in a very good place last night, I wasn't tring to step on toes, I didn't like my pain being minimized to a guessing game.
Actually, as far as the diabetes goes, I'm doing pretty well. I have lost 18 of the 50 I gained, I've been seeing a dietician and my sugar levels have come way down. I am exercising and, for the most part, doing what I'm suppose to.
I give myself a shot of insulin everytime I put food in my mouth and yes, it is a whole new lifestyle for me. I am still scared and angry but I am doing something about it. In the meantime, I just need to vent.
I had gone to an eye Dr. yesterday only to find I have optic nerve damage and the start of glockcoma.
I'm still fairly young and sometimes I feel like an old lady.Sorry for not being more specific in my original post, I wasn't looking at what I was doing right, I was looking at what my future may or may not hold.
Lynn
Actually, as far as the diabetes goes, I'm doing pretty well. I have lost 18 of the 50 I gained, I've been seeing a dietician and my sugar levels have come way down. I am exercising and, for the most part, doing what I'm suppose to.
I give myself a shot of insulin everytime I put food in my mouth and yes, it is a whole new lifestyle for me. I am still scared and angry but I am doing something about it. In the meantime, I just need to vent.
I had gone to an eye Dr. yesterday only to find I have optic nerve damage and the start of glockcoma.
I'm still fairly young and sometimes I feel like an old lady.Sorry for not being more specific in my original post, I wasn't looking at what I was doing right, I was looking at what my future may or may not hold.
Lynn
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
My two cents,
I think you should see your doctor and tell him/her what you told us. Chronic fatigue is a symptom of many things. Like Ann said your sugar could be out of wack. The realization that you have a chronic disease can cause depression. The additional 30 pounds could cause your energy level to be down and again cause you to become depressed. Depression is a very real condition caused by unrelenting stress and also by chronic illness and by hormonal and metabolic changes in your body.
If you feel better you will do better.
Hugs,
JT
I think you should see your doctor and tell him/her what you told us. Chronic fatigue is a symptom of many things. Like Ann said your sugar could be out of wack. The realization that you have a chronic disease can cause depression. The additional 30 pounds could cause your energy level to be down and again cause you to become depressed. Depression is a very real condition caused by unrelenting stress and also by chronic illness and by hormonal and metabolic changes in your body.
If you feel better you will do better.
Hugs,
JT
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Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 175
Hey Lucky gal..........
Me ........Kitty again...well FABULOUS you are on the road to skinny. I know how crummy I felt when I gained that weight..did not even know myself! YOU can do this I did and I NEVER ever thought I would see a size 6 again! GOOOOOOOOOOO GIRL!!!
You now as we get older our wheels fall off and we all seem to have some physical or other problems going on.
Life for me is crummy too....now I will divorce my second A...I will be giving up a very very easy lifestyle..which is not going to be pleasant. I know exactly where you are in life...it is a difficult place to be. BUT...you have to find something to do..too much time with our brain alone is a nightmare!
But we are still here....thank GOD for that....and all these people on this board will be there to help you....just ask.
Sorry I don't write as well as Anns and some of the other ladies ..I am a bit straight forward..... : )
Have a good day!
Love Kitty
Me ........Kitty again...well FABULOUS you are on the road to skinny. I know how crummy I felt when I gained that weight..did not even know myself! YOU can do this I did and I NEVER ever thought I would see a size 6 again! GOOOOOOOOOOO GIRL!!!
You now as we get older our wheels fall off and we all seem to have some physical or other problems going on.
Life for me is crummy too....now I will divorce my second A...I will be giving up a very very easy lifestyle..which is not going to be pleasant. I know exactly where you are in life...it is a difficult place to be. BUT...you have to find something to do..too much time with our brain alone is a nightmare!
But we are still here....thank GOD for that....and all these people on this board will be there to help you....just ask.
Sorry I don't write as well as Anns and some of the other ladies ..I am a bit straight forward..... : )
Have a good day!
Love Kitty
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Luckygal
You sound like you have a good attitude and a sense of humour too. Keep doing good things for yourself, keep thinking positive thoughts, and you will see the world in a much better light.
Welcome to our family, big and small....I was BORN a size 6!!!!
But I have great legs and a pretty good butt too for an old broad.
And I wear Capri pants with pride...but not with spandex LOL
You sound like you have a good attitude and a sense of humour too. Keep doing good things for yourself, keep thinking positive thoughts, and you will see the world in a much better light.
Welcome to our family, big and small....I was BORN a size 6!!!!
But I have great legs and a pretty good butt too for an old broad.
And I wear Capri pants with pride...but not with spandex LOL
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
P.S. The title of your thread really caught our eyes...because here on this board we have all learned to LOVE ourselves. And you can too!!!
We are wonderful children of God, worthy of love and respect. And I do love ME!!! With all my warts, I really love me just as I am.
And I love all my family here too.
We are wonderful children of God, worthy of love and respect. And I do love ME!!! With all my warts, I really love me just as I am.
And I love all my family here too.
Guest
Posts: n/a
My goodness Lynn,
You have a lot going on. Give yourself some time to adjust. Sounds like you are being hit from all sides. Sounds like you may be looking at everything at once and feeling overwhelmed. Take one thing at a time and deal with each thing individually.
Before you know it, each thing will be handled.
Hugs,
MG
P.S. I live in stretch jeans.
You have a lot going on. Give yourself some time to adjust. Sounds like you are being hit from all sides. Sounds like you may be looking at everything at once and feeling overwhelmed. Take one thing at a time and deal with each thing individually.
Before you know it, each thing will be handled.
Hugs,
MG
P.S. I live in stretch jeans.
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