Oh the irony
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
Oh the irony
My ex-bf called me from a bar, drunk as a skunk, slurring his words, telling me he loves me and that he will go into rehab to get back with me. He will give up drinking for ME.
I was going to go into all the "you have to do it for you" etc. speeches but I just gave up and hung up. I'm exhausted. No more energy to expend.
I'm on to rebuilding my life and letting others rebuild theirs. See...I DID learn something at Al-Anon meetings! And reading daily helps me sooo much.
huge hugs to all of you for offering me support through this ordeal and huge hugs to all of you still going through the pain.
I was going to go into all the "you have to do it for you" etc. speeches but I just gave up and hung up. I'm exhausted. No more energy to expend.
I'm on to rebuilding my life and letting others rebuild theirs. See...I DID learn something at Al-Anon meetings! And reading daily helps me sooo much.
huge hugs to all of you for offering me support through this ordeal and huge hugs to all of you still going through the pain.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Tinyvoice
Not sure if I'm welcome on your thread because I am the alcoholic ex fiancee in my relationship.
I have done what your ex did and I feel wholeheartedly embarrassed about it. However since getting sober and working hard at my own recovery I have come to recognise my weaknesses and am dealing with them...a day at a time.
You are so right in saying that you have to take care of you and rebuild your life. It's the only way ahead. Good luck to you. Hopefully your ex bf can get into rehab for his own well being.
I still love my ex fiancee immensely, but for now the best love I can give her is space, time, respect and help when she asks for it.
((Hugs))
Rich
Not sure if I'm welcome on your thread because I am the alcoholic ex fiancee in my relationship.
I have done what your ex did and I feel wholeheartedly embarrassed about it. However since getting sober and working hard at my own recovery I have come to recognise my weaknesses and am dealing with them...a day at a time.
You are so right in saying that you have to take care of you and rebuild your life. It's the only way ahead. Good luck to you. Hopefully your ex bf can get into rehab for his own well being.
I still love my ex fiancee immensely, but for now the best love I can give her is space, time, respect and help when she asks for it.
((Hugs))
Rich
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
Of course you are welcome. I have been run the wringer with this relationship. I have looked at everything I have done wrong as a codependent and am taking steps to change my life. He just cannot understand that we both need to work on our problems and be happy on our own before we will even begin to KNOW if we will be happy together.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
TV
Been there, done that. In fact, only last week. The only thing that stopped it was when I got really angry and told him it was unacceptable, that I was running and not walking way from the relationship and hanging up. I think he could tell that I'd reached the end of my tether.
It's complete pain in the arse, but stick with your boundaries and it will get better.
"He just cannot understand that we both need to work on our problems and be happy on our own before we will even begin to KNOW if we will be happy together." How true. Surely, people in recovery change a lot as they go through the process. If two people are attracted to each other because of totally unhealthy needs, what happens when they get healthy?
Hang in there.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Been there, done that. In fact, only last week. The only thing that stopped it was when I got really angry and told him it was unacceptable, that I was running and not walking way from the relationship and hanging up. I think he could tell that I'd reached the end of my tether.
It's complete pain in the arse, but stick with your boundaries and it will get better.
"He just cannot understand that we both need to work on our problems and be happy on our own before we will even begin to KNOW if we will be happy together." How true. Surely, people in recovery change a lot as they go through the process. If two people are attracted to each other because of totally unhealthy needs, what happens when they get healthy?
Hang in there.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
It doesn't matter if it is an AH or AB it all turns out the same in the end. We reach
a point where we have to take care of ourselves and they have to do the same.
It is very encouraging for me to hear from people who have got it and are taking
care of them selves including you too Rich, Keep posting. Smiles--Dee
a point where we have to take care of ourselves and they have to do the same.
It is very encouraging for me to hear from people who have got it and are taking
care of them selves including you too Rich, Keep posting. Smiles--Dee
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
Originally Posted by Dunitall
I still love my ex fiancee immensely, but for now the best love I can give her is space, time, respect and help when she asks for it.
HUGS back
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Tinyvoice
I genuinely hope your bf can get to the position where he understands your needs and allows you to grow for yourself.
This is not easy for someone like me who has developed codependent tendencies through alcoholism. I just know that with the AA programme, I am developing a strong understanding of myself. I am learning that the actions of showing patience, respect and understanding are all very powerful forms of showing love.
Good luck and more (((((Hugs))))
Rich
I genuinely hope your bf can get to the position where he understands your needs and allows you to grow for yourself.
This is not easy for someone like me who has developed codependent tendencies through alcoholism. I just know that with the AA programme, I am developing a strong understanding of myself. I am learning that the actions of showing patience, respect and understanding are all very powerful forms of showing love.
Good luck and more (((((Hugs))))
Rich
I'm more than the drunk's wife
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: colorado
Posts: 9
that's great
I'm so glad you are taking care of you!
someday we'll all be there..
right now.. I can dream about it.. and try not to sneer at my drunk husband..as he's actually pouring more booze!! where on earth did he even get the booze!!!
someday we'll all be there..
right now.. I can dream about it.. and try not to sneer at my drunk husband..as he's actually pouring more booze!! where on earth did he even get the booze!!!
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Hey Live
I'm so genuinely pleased for you.
It's taken me a long time and a lot of pain for myself and particularly my loved one for me to begin to understand and practice the concept of meaningful love.
I hope others can find it too.
Rich
I'm so genuinely pleased for you.
It's taken me a long time and a lot of pain for myself and particularly my loved one for me to begin to understand and practice the concept of meaningful love.
I hope others can find it too.
Rich
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England, UK
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by minnie
"He just cannot understand that we both need to work on our problems and be happy on our own before we will even begin to KNOW if we will be happy together." How true. Surely, people in recovery change a lot as they go through the process. If two people are attracted to each other because of totally unhealthy needs, what happens when they get healthy?
Minnie
Your question is an extremely valid one. Is it rhetorical?
Anyhow, I've given it considerable thought since I read it as it is worthy of more than an immediate reaction. I would like to share my experience, but I don't want to hi-jack TV's thread, so I'll start a new thread over on the R.A.P.S forum.
Rich
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