treacle222000

This has been playing on my mind for a while now. I was in a relationship with an A. We didn't get to see each other very often as it was a distance relationship but I was very much in love with him. I had known him when we were teenangers. He had been my first love, the one that got away. Anyway many years we found each other again (I went looking) as he had totally disappeared from my life. I was overjoyed to have found him again. Anyway he was acting strangely and I couldn't figure it out. Finally after about a year and a half of him going away for a bit and reappearing (and tearing me up in the process) he called me from a Rehab Centre and told me he was an A. I was shocked but glad to hear the truth. So I saw him about a month after that and he was quite cold towards me and not at all like himself. He said that I had been a sex-love addiction for him. I am as bewildered by that now as I was then. My feelings for him have never changed. Can anyone shed any light on what this is? Thanks.

Live

There is a forum here called Relationships and Parenting in Sobriety, it has stickies at the top that define obsessive relationships and healthy relationships.
Hope this helps.
Keep coming back.
Lot of great friends here who understand and have much love, support, wisdom, experience, strength and hope to share.
We are all in this together.

nocellphone

To me, addiction is addiction. It doesn't matter so much what a person "uses" in order to alter their reality as why they refuse to deal with life on life's terms.

My "drug of choice" was/is a woman with whom I was involved for many years, and like good addicts, we'd use each other to escape from reality. We both thought it was love at the time, but we later came to understand (separately) that it was actually sick obsession.

In recovery, I've completely redefined what "love" and being "in love" mean to me. I no longer subscribe to the portrait of love painted by books, movies, TV and music, as it all seems much more like neediness than love ("I can't smile without you...", etc. Gag.).

Today, the love I understand and experience feels warm, quiet and comfortable, as opposed to hot and cold, chaotic and anxiety-filled!

Dee at Mt Bully

Well said Nocell--I don't think I can add to that. Addiction is just that-- it alters our
reality--I hope that helps and hope you stick around there are some very wise people here. Just keep reading and writing and I'm sure you will find all kinds of useful and
helpful information. Welcome--smiles--Dee

Gabe

Treacle,
Here is a good thread that talks about obsessive love. You are the one who needs to decide if this is the case in your relationship.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=21155

treacle222000

Thank you all for taking the time to help me on this. NoCell you are so right. I don't like the way I felt, out of control, in that relationship. I am slowly finding peace with the help of this site and very kind people on it.

Karivan

Hi treacle. I don't know why he is acting the way he is but I went through the same thing in a different relationship I had before my marriage. I'm still carrying around baggage from 15 years ago! He put me through hell... it was a really sick relationship. I thought I was madly in love with him and he was using me for sex. I still don't understand it but I'm glad I'm out of it.

The way we feel about them probably isn't the same that they feel for us.

I'm sorry for your pain.

nocellphone

You're very welcome, treacle...

I thought the hardest part would be removing myself from the relationship. Turns out, what was harder was learning not to recreate that type of situation in new relationships.

Pain fades... hope grows... love heals.