MysticCat

Ok, as you may or may not know, I have decided that I am not taking this anymore. Not living this life or putting up anymore. Here is where I need the kick. Does anyone else find themselves justifying A's actions, feeling like maybe they were just over reacting and it's not as bad as they thought? Well my A has verbal abused my 13 yr old daughter, on a couple of occasions, physical altercations that shouldn't have happened. And last night he pushed our 3 yr old daughter. She grabbed on his leg when he was taking something away, and he pushed her to get her off him, into a cedar chest. When my 13 yo said something (which she shouldn't have at that time) he denied it to me. Then justified, blah, blah. The 3 yo ran to the 13 yo and wanted her to hold her. A got pissed and yelled to give her to him, even while she was screaming no (the 3yo) she didnt want him. Well he pried her out of the teens arms anyway. So, the 3yo is not hurt (physically) and he knows I was ticked, but I didnt say anything. When he went to bed, he tried to kiss me goodnight, I told him not to touch me and he says f*** you and slams bedroom door. Now I ask you all this ~ was this abuse? I am just so tired of all this and things cant go fast enough to have this over with. I havent told him yet, but I know he knows. His anger is just building. What opinion do you all have on this one?

Blessings,
MysticCat

nocellphone

No kick in the butt here, but maybe a hug will suffice?

It's tough, but necessary, for me to look at situations in my life and sometimes say, "Y'know, it was that bad". Minimizing what I've experienced and justifying the alcoholic's behaviors keeps everybody sick, me most of all. Personally, I got to the point of being sick and tired of being sick and tired, so I got up off the floor and took suggestions offered in the interest of my health and sanity.

As I heard someone say once, you don't have to drink alcohol to die from the disease of alcoholism.

frankly

Mystic, Please forgive me in advance. This advice is wrong but I just have to express it. My grandma would have done this. Take his sorry *** out behind the shed and beat him to within an inch of his life.

OK, I feel a little bit better. Kids do not deserve verbal or physical abuse. And if there were one thing in this world that would make me go postal, that would be it.

Here is your kick hun. Do whatever you have to do to protect yourself and those kids. Do it Now. Abuse escilates.

Hugs and Prayers for you and your kids.

B

wraybear

Yes, i have felt EXACTLY that same way. I have an 18 year old and 20 year old from a previous marriage and now looking back, he did some unacceptable things, and I defended him. There were slaps on the face on several occassions when they were 8-12 years old. He called one of them a f-ing moron once. (i justified that one by saying to myself, he doesn't cuss very much, she must have done something really bad for him to cuss like that) He tackled one of them at the age of about 13 and sat on her and had his hands around her neck. There was an SRS investigation on that one and I defended him?!??! So, needless to say, my two older girls have been neglected by their mother. Whether they were truly neglected or not doesn't matter, they were mentally neglected by me, because of me defending him. I knew it was wrong.

I am not a professional, so all I can tell you is I wish I would have handled those situations much differently. My kids suffered and probably will suffer. They may accept the unacceptable when they are older, because they saw there mother doing so. I have heard that abuse is like alcoholism and that it is progressive and gets worse.

Standing Strong said in another post that she learned to NOT ACCEPT THE UNACCEPTABLE. That says so much to me. It is my new motto.

Mystic, good luck with this situation... I will send prayers your direction. If you have your mind made up to get out of there, I hope you can do so without a big ruckus.

JessicaNAJ

Here - use my cushion...

DO NOT justify his actions. He was wrong and yes, I would call that abuse. To justify what he did, makes it acceptable - and its NOT.

Your 3 year old cannot stand up for herself. He's an adult, he should know better. Even if he was frustrated he should still know how to use self control.

You were right on with the way you handled it.

Someone told me once to react the opposite of what he expects. The longer that goes on, the harder the AH will try. I wasn't quite sure what that meant then, but now I know. They try harder to control us, manipulate us, scare us, **** us off... You don't have to put up with that.

Kudos to you for NOT TAKING IT ANYMORE.

Live

That is abuse.
There are three thread stickies at the top of the Women In Recovery Forum that evaluates and provides information regarding abuse.
There is a sticky at the top of the Relationships and Parenting Forum that defines healthy relationships.
Abuse and alcoholism are not the same. They are two separate issues.

LynnieD

Mystic, I can tell you that as a child myself of two a's, I built up huge resentments toward my mom for not standing up for us towards my dad(because of her drinking). I would lay in bed at night and pray for my parents to get a divorce, becasue I was sick of the fighting and all the bull that goes along with it. What you described is abuse, and before long it will get worse if nothing is done about it. He will think he got away with it. I will keep you in my prayers.

Dee at Mt Bully

Mystic--Here's your KICK--you are right it is abuse--physical and psycological--and
the worst thing that can happen to a child is to not have thier mother stick up for them and protect them. Speaking from experience here your children are lucky because it sounds like you are going to do the right thing for them. I applaud you.
What wraybear is saying to you is very brave and honost on her part. Children really
need thier Mom to protect them. And yes abuse does esculate. These people here
are giving it to you straight. I will be talking to my HP asking for help for you and your
babies. Prayers and smiles--Dee

MysticCat

Thank you all so much for your kicks! I knew I wasnt wrong in the way I felt. He really denies that he pushed her. He says she got between his leg and the chest. Yes, I have not been defending my daughter (13yo) for the whole time (4 years). And in the last month, I have always taken her side. He absolutely hates this! But, no matter how many times I tell him, "you are the adult, act like it" he just doesnt get it, *sigh*. So yes, I want out, just waiting for some legal and financial issues to be handled. Thank you all again.

Blessings,
MysticCat

Scotty C

Kind of sounds like my wife and my relationship...........I've stepped in front of her and my stepson lately........Not sure if this gets worse, but I hope not!!!!!!!

minnie

MysticCat

I sometimes find it helpful to re-read my posts as if one of my friends had written them. What would you say if YOUR friend told you what had happened in this situation?

Love

Minnie
xxx

dax

Mystic This is very bad abuse. The 13 year old is at a very trying stage in her life. It is your job as a mother to protect her- you h is a DANGER to them physically and mentally. You must stand up for your kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! dax