Calling attorney
 

I'm thinking about calling an attorney for some advise regarding the financial issue my AH is going through. NOT FOR HIM, I want to know how his debt will affect me and the kids.

I've been going back and forth about going through with this. I can't quite figure out why I'm hesitating. Nothing has stopped me from protecting myself and my kids in the past. I guess I'm afraid this is the first step to accepting the writing on the wall and that he is not going to get better. Deep down I always knew that, but now it is just so darn clear.



Any thoughts?

Good move, the more info you have the more you are empowered.

Jess,
along with lawyers there may be "free" or reduced service out there for woman going through things as you are now. But it does sound smart to get your ducks in a row and to understand all your options........

Jess - I don't know anything about Ohio, but I know that in Texas debts incurred by a husband or wife become the obligation of both spouses, and could follow you around for years or even require the blameless spouse to seek bankruptcy protection. You're smart to get some advice on this. I'd also second what AHCB said - Call the local bar authority to find out if free or reduced rate services are available if you can't afford a lawyer.

Jess,

There are still many times when I know that I use the old habit of procrasinating if I think something is going to be painful, awkward, uncomfortable or new (and I won't be any good at it!). When it came to money issues it was the worst, because I am totally emotional about money. I worried if I had enough, what if I didn't have enough, what if something terrible happened that meant I couldn't take care of myself and eeeekkk....would have to ask for HELP!?!?!?!? That was the worst thought in the world.

I especially remember this time in my life, a few years back, when I had been working for a software company and had been issued some stock options. Back then, my exH and I did our own taxes. Shortly after we split up it came to my attention that we may not have handled the taxes on the options correctly and that I could owe a LOT of money in back taxes.

I felt this sick feeling in my stomache for almost a year. I carried this fear of what would happen if I owed a bunch of money I didn't have and couldn't imagine how I would assemble if I did owe it. I don't know why, but one day I just asked somebody for help - did they know an accountant that handled this type of stuff so I could talk about it. This is where my HP comes in, again. Within the day I had the name of an accounting practice, only 10 minutes from my house, that focused on the exact issue I was worried about. I called, made an appointment (I think I was having an out of body experience) and somehow brought most of the right documents with me when I went for my visit.

I dreaded leaving all my documents with him, but he said he'd look at them and call me in a few days. Turned out that it was OKAY, but I carried that stress for almost a whole YEAR for no logical, sane reason, except that I lived in fear. The relief I felt that day was almost euphoric.

I am learning to face the fears and take action. In the worst case I'll have to choose another action to take if the first choice doesn't work out, but at least I AM CHOOSING, and not reacting to someone else's choice.

Good luck and I hope you find some mental peace today,
Petunia

I need a lot of encouragement...lol

His debt is getting deeper and deeper and he's only been out of the house since April. I just spend the last 8 years of my life getting out of debt partly because of me and partly because of his 3 DUI's. There is no way I'm going to let anyone come after me for something he caused ON HIS OWN.

Make that call! The sooner the better.
I know you can stop the responsibility for the debts he is accumulating now, but for past ones???????
Why you need to jump on it, stop it before it gets bigger!

Good point - thanks! I'll call tomorrow.

I didn't call - I got busy at work and now its too late.

Jess--Don't keep putting this off--don't worry about what kind of step it is just do it to protect yourself financially. The rest will come as it may. In most states debts he makes when he is not living with you are seperate unless you helped or consented to them. But here it is we aren't lawyers and you need one. You can do it--you can take care of yourself and your children. You are getting stronger everyday. Smiles--Dee

In my state, all debts are considered the responsibility of both, unless one stops that by putting the announcement legallly that one is no longer responsible for the debt of the other.

call call call

YES you will be responsible for his debts if you are still married.

don't put it off...it will only get worse. you can DO IT. I know you can. It's not too late. trust me, it will be a lot easier than you think. it will!!

I will call tomorrow - thanks guys. I'll let you know what happens.

me too!
 

Ever since you posted this the first time I have been wondering what is preventing me from doing the same thing.
Well I am coming to the same conclusion, I am going to get stuck paying for all of his mistakes if I don't see an attorney. And I don't feel like doing that. I am going to make the same call myself.

We can do this together. Good luck to you!!

You are darned right we can....
 

We sure can....and I wish you the best. Here's to taking care of us for a change!! *o)

I did it!!! I called him today. He was a friend who worked in the Prosecutor's Office and now works in Civil Law as a private attorney. I got the answers I needed - Am I responsible for his debt he accrued since he's moved out (not usually) & can I be sued if he is drinking and driving and hits someone or something (possible)?

Now I have to decide on the next step. Filing for the big "D". But am I ready? That is the question....

It's a tough decision. You've been living for yourself and your kids, but he's somehow still connected.

I'll be praying for you that you get the strength to make the decision that will be best for you and your kiddies.

Blessings, Kathy

Thank you Kathy. I'm not sure why I hesitate. But I'm not one to jump into anything unless I'm 100% sure I'm ready for the outcome. I KNOW I can deal with myself and the kids, I'm just not sure I can deal with how much it will "Crush" him as he puts it. I'm very sensative to anothers feelings, his or anyones.

But, a few more "smacks in the face" and I'll probably know my answer. How many times can a person let another disappoint them before they have enough? I'm getting there.

This is pretty big decision. I never thought I would end my marriage....EVER. I always thought I could make it work, no matter what. I just can't do that anymore. It hurts too bad and he is very unhealthy for me. (mind games.)

I am a newcomer to this site. I hope to find answers to many questions I have as well as some advise from people who know and understand what it is like to live with an alcoholic. From what I have read so far I can see that I will. Jessica, your situation and mine are similar. I am about 3 steps behind you. I'll be reading your posts with great interest. Thanks.