thank you...and i kinda have good news
 

First of all, i would like to thank everyone for their advice. i understand that i'm not going to be able to change him, but that's something that is easy to say, but much harder to actually let sink into my head. And, my "kinda" good news...is that he has told me that he wants to stop drinking. At first, i was so happy that he said that, then i realized how good he has become at telling people EXACTLY what they want to hear. this is what scares me, his mother and i talked on the phone for over 2 hours about him. she told me everything that i had been fearing. i took him to Al-Anon that nite. The discussion was over the 3rd step. He admitted that where he always stopped in the program was the 3rd step. he knows of his alcoholism, but in the past he has been unwilling to stop drinking. hopefully, this time he's serious about it. he is aware that i will support him, and go through whatever it takes. i watched my aunt die of this disease when i was 7 years old, i refuse to let the same thing happen to him.

Hi Boilerchic

Blimey, I wrote a really long post to you and it disappeared. I think that was my HP telling me to be a bit softer on you!

All I will say now is - if you are going to stay in this relationship, please do so with your eyes wide open. Get some al-anon meetings under your belt and get hold of some Melodie Beattie books.

You can't refuse to let this happen to him - he's the only one that can do that.

(((hugs)))

Minnie
xxx

((((boilerchic)))) Best of luck to you and to him. Get yourself off to the Al-Anon meetings ASAP too! They aren't about him and this isn't about him... this is about you.

That in a nutshell is the problem. You cannot do anything to help him. He can only help himself. A word of advice, if you want children take very very slow steps in this relationship and get lots of counseling for both of you. Someday if you have kids, they will need to be your first priority in possibly protecting them from an alcoholic father. I'm not saying he will not succeed in recovery, but that there is nothing you can do to keep him in recovery.

Try this phrase and keep it in mind: "i watched my aunt die of this disease when i was 7 years old, i refuse to let the same thing happen to my children".

faith