equus

I won't be offended if a mod zaps this. I was just wandering if anyone was around just to chat. There's no big crisis or anything but I've done lots of reading today (work has been dead). Little things have been on my mind like trying to figure out whether I spend too long thinking about little things :tongue3: !!

I suppose I know only too well that my marriage like any, is the start of a long road, only it isn't like any marriage. My husband isn't like the descriptions I hear of alcoholics, it isn't like 'any' marriage to an alcoholic. I should think often all our situations are individual - but we have something in common, loving someone who has an addiction.

Not always - but today I feel like I want to hear voices back, I like the internet, it's ease and anonimouty (sp?). I don't want to be sat in a circle, in a room, I don't want this face to face. I just wondered if despite that anyone here just wanted to chat. I haven't spoken to anyone all day at work, apart from when hubby rang to say he loved me.

I feel a bit distanced from friends after asking them to understand him not drinking, then him drinking, then not. I feel odd now he's decided to drink 'occassionally' - I need to gather myself before I explain why I'm not angry - why I'm not trying to convince him, why when I said it mattered now it must look like it doesn't. I need to make contact but I'm just avoiding it.

Just today (because I work in an isolation tank of an office!!) I feel lonely and unsure. ost of theabove is just the ramblings of a bored mind - nothing has really gone wrong, I just wanted a chat without having to explain stuff first.

Live

Hi,
I am just hanging out too. It is too hot here to move, my plan for the day is to chat and guzzle water.

First I want to apologize, I think I offended you the other day. I did not mean to do that.
And from your response, I am a little jealous of you, I love horseback writing, admire your creativity and there was another interest, can't remember exactly but I said to myself, wow! I want to do that!

You don't have to explain anything if you don't want to. Here or to the people around you.

live

equus

No - you didn't offend me at all. It did make me think - I suppose I accept not really knowing if I'm too wrapped up in 'him', there's not much to compare it to, what is normal after the dead walk back alive, or in the first 6 months of marriage, or alcoholism? I dunno...

I'm jealous of you in Argentina!! MANY horses, many horsey folk!! Not to mention beatiful countyside!

I was a horse breaker for 7 years but I lost my bottle with breaking. We used to do mostly problem horses and I did love it, I broke two horses in for olympic riders. I was always scared, beating that was part of the job but I stopped winning and fear started to rule my head - which is not a good idea while sat on the best part of a ton of tantrumming baby horse!!

Now I ride my bosses SJ'ers while he takes his daughter SJ'ing. It's mainly riding in a menage because it's winter here and the roads near by are bad -but I love it!! I even quite like mucking out, after 17 years of it I'm fast and I enjoy the work out and satisfaction of being able to work quickly and well.

Do you get to ride often?

frankly

eq, hey I get on here and just ramble away myself. Have you seen some of the posts like about trail mix? We talk about everything. That is one thing I love about this board if my mind wanders over into territory not pertaining to addiction, it's OK. We are all here for each other.

B

Live

Not anymore. My ex-A has 13 horses, but that has been somewhere between 2 and 3 years ago.
About a month ago I went to a village for a one day stay and had so much fun I stayed for 4 days. I got to ride a horse up into the sierras, she was beautiful..perfectly obedient and not too tamed and tired, she liked to gallop and could pick her way through narrow rocky places.
I will definitely go back and do it again!

My sister just signed up for flying lessons! I just about split a gut I was so excited for her!!! I told her, I am her passenger, go girl!

equus

Cheers Frankly it's good to know it's not bugging people!

Liveweyed - your name alway makes me think of 'livery yard' said by someone who can't say their v's or r's!!

That horse sounds lovely - I haven't trekked for ages!! The weather just makes riding out a nightmare. At 15 my first holiday job was in a trekking centre in the Welsh mountains, my favourite pony was as sure footed as a mountain goat!

You should go back and do it again, I know I always get sad not riding. My favourite horse I ride now is like a cheeky giant foal! He's so up for fun and spends his life looking for excuses to explode! He's only ever been sat on by proffessional riders and has a mouth like butter, but nothing on earth wagons his cheeky bucking bum! He's just starting his SJ'ing career at 4 and does really well except for suddenly losing concentration - then thinking 'Oh bugger - FENCE!!!!!'. He'll do OK though, he's got the jump so the rest will come and he loves it.

My Dad was a pilot but I never really liked flying - I got airsick! I still love that he did something he loved though. I'm a firm believer in following dreams, just a bit sad many of mine are past, I did them but what now?

Sometimes Iwonder what life should be, I'm sure it shouldn't be the work - money- house - things and more things way that it is.

What's it like in Argentina? Do you live in a city or in the countryside?

Live

I am on a sabbatical here, I came from a one year project in Florida, with office politics and back stabbing. I have been here almost 4 months.
When I arrived I did not speak any spanish, and even tho' I bought and brought excellent lessons I haven't studied them. I find I am more interested in following my own studies of interest in the sociology, mental health and spiritual area. I am a voyeur so I like to people watch and observe their culture.

I live in a hotel smack dab in the middle of the financial district in Cordoba, which is a city of 1.3 pop....but it still has a small town feel to it. The mini-trip was to a small village where there are real gauchos and more horses on the roads than cars.

I have now picked up just enough bad spanish to get around and I am waiting for my boyfriend to arrive on the 21st to start venturing out and around for real. I want to share it with him. After all, he is going to have to listen to me talk about it for the rest of his life! hahahaha

I chose Cordoba because it is a center of culture and education.
And the food is just the best.

Anyway, I never had a dream to visit Argentina. I got laid off, unemployment goes nowhere in the States and my sis said to me "Are you aware of the economy in Argentina?" Me:No Well, I am relatively wealthy here one dollar to 3 pesos.
I can eat a fine meal in a better restaurant for about 5 bucks.
So one day I tell everyone, I am going to Argentina.
They find this a bit crazy. But I decided just like that.
So I am living a dream I never had.
It just came to be.
And I find that true alot.

One of my favorite sayings is "that when the ship comes in, I want to have the ticket out" so that when opportunity knocks, I can say hello! welcome!

I have no idea how much longer I will be here or what I will do next, just some vague ideas. I am waiting for it to unfold.

equus

I love that attitude!! How the hell I wound up with 2 dogs and a mortgage I'll never know! Anyway who knows what's round the corner?

It sounds like you're having an experience of a lifetime out there!

I feel that way about Sri Lanka and D, but as a holiday it's a maybe (in my pipedreams!) as any more than that I knew it would be a case of choosing and I'm happy with my decision (even if a part of me would still love both!). I did manage to introduce D to my SL'an big brother (it was decided that male/female friendships were very good - but should be like family, so I got a big brother, a sister in law, a little brother, not to mention being an overnight auntie and now great aunt!!). Anyway my SL'an big bro is in Italy now so we went to see him and he and D got on like a house on fire!! I loved that - now when I talk about Sri Lanka I think it's easier for him to imagine the characters, he can easily imagine Chinthaka as a father and grandfather.

I loved being somewhere new, trying to understand a culture, even making mistakes and learning to check stuff out was great. Like you I'm a voyeur, I love to watch - I trust actions a 1000 times more than words. Sometimes I think that partly comes from working with animals - they can't speak so listening is watching.

I made myself a rule when I went to SL - I decided to never judge something as right or wrong till I'd asked a few SL'ans about it. Only after hearing their perspective would I decide what I thought about stuff like arranged marriages, women's roles, animals, manners - everything. It worked really well, I learned loads by asking. Sometimes I would see two tourist discussing 'the locals' only 2 feet away from a SL'an barman - that always struck me as both rude and stupid. Sometimes people asked me about 'the locals' and I would just say 'Hang on a sec, I'll find a local friend who can answer you properly!!' - that wasn't to everyone's taste!

I do miss it.

hope2bhappy

Equus -- my alcoholic marriage is also different from many of the others here. I see that things could be so much worse for me (and him). Today, I intend to stay in my marriage. None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, so I make this choice on a daily basis.

I was born in Wiltshire. My mother was a war bride who married a "yank." I have family living in Westbury and in London.

ahcb

EQ,

How are you. I think we all have different tales of woe here.My case is a bit different as it was my wife (or is) who has had the problem. She has been sober for 14 months now so I think things can change and for the positive. Sometimes I feel like the lone voice out here with a wife who has had a problem. I will admit it seems that you woman seem to go through a bit more. I gues we can be jerks but it sounds like we can really be hugh ones to the wife if we drink. I give you al credit for hanging in with those guys.anyway give me a yell here or pm if anything serious........Enjoy

equus

Hi Hope - I wonder if we all aren't in different positions one way or another.

It's a personal thing but the only thing I'm sure of is that this marriage is for life, that's personal to me and in no way what I think others should subscribe to. I was friends with my hubby through the worst of his drinking, in that sense I have no illusions (although we were only friends then). I knew before deciding to get married that his drinking was a risk and had very real, frightening consequences. But then if he'd had cancer I'd have married him, if he had alzeimers I'd have married him (as long as he could have given consent!) - I'd loved him for a long time and he's a whole person, he isn't alcoholism, alcoholism is something he fights with and he has fought for years, slowly he's improved. Even if I knew he would fail I made my vows knowing failure was possible and would make them as readily today as I did then. I think he'll do OK - taking the wonky route but he does bloody fight it and he's one hell of a tough sod.

Have you ever been back to the UK Hope?

Live

I agree, we need to be open-minded about other cultures. We have alot to learn.

So, is your passport in order?
You know,, just in case....

Now you must tell me about your cultural adventure, I am big into studying the Dalai Lama.

Was there a language barrier?

Live

oh man, I just realized where you are!
Have you been to the Rijksmuseum in Amsterdam?
wow, wow,wow....I could live in it.
I swear it felt like time travel.

equus

ahcb,

The grass is always greener. Personally I think my hubby is nicer than me, I certainly get treated well.

It's funny how roles get assigned, I can imagine it does feel different being the husband - I'm trying to imagine it now. I have lots of male friends, as many as female friends and I tend to think we're more alike than different male or female we're human, screw up, have dreams, and fears, and hopes.

It's always struck me as so sad that men are given less room to talk about feelings. I know in the UK more women are diagnosed with depression but more men kill themselves - OH lord - aren't I the cheery one!! I hope you know what I mean, I don't think women always get the rough deal - the stereotypes hurt both sexes.

equus

LOL!! I've only ever been to Sri Lanka and Italy! I went and loved it so much I kept going back, to me that was adventure because each time I had stronger connections so moved further away from western travelling. Last time I was in SL I went on a 3 day trip with 8 members of my big bro's family plus the friend that's my little bro. We stayed in local places, ate at local places, swam in the lake - went to look at the western hotel, elephant spotted badly, sang all the way down and slept all the way back. I didn't see another white face for the whole trip!

Language was very hard I know some Sinhala but very little (tiny!!) but enough to get everyone laughing by accidently saying it's raining cows!! Then calling myself a firwork!

equus

Sorry I have to go now - got to go home.

Maybe catch you all later. Have a good natter...

And THANKS - I really enjoyed that - I feel all bouncy now!

Live

it's time for my siesta anyway,

hey, think about the Rikjmuseum....you are so close.
You can drive through the tunnel.

Now I am very jealous of you!!!!