JennyK

I went away with my children for a few days and feel stronger than ever. We had a wonderful time and I do feel confident that I will have help financially in the long run.

My husband, on the surface, seems to have done well. A few household projects were completed and he took good care of things.

Although, due to my nosy and codie (although I deny them) tendencies, I have noted that his secret stash of pot is gone.

I know that he smoked pot on Christmas Eve and told me that he did. He told me this time that he went to an AA meeting, met with his counselor and had a productive time at work, and did some things around the house. He was helpful and kind and loving when we got home. All the things that I want.

WHY...did I check? Now I wonder if he smoked it or got rid of it or hid it better and WHY do I care???

I care because I told him that if he started drinking again that I was going to leave with the kids. I never mentioned pot.

I know when he is stoned and he was not tonight. So for tonight I take it that he got rid of it.

I hate this. Do I confront him? Do I just confess to my therapist? Do I ignore it (as it is NOT the same as being drunk and I will debate with anyone who claims that life with an active alcoholic is the same as life is an active pot smoker...although I will not, in the long run, tolerate either)? Do I wait and see? Do I seach for the new hiding place (ACK NO...how desperate would that be?)? Do I wait for a calm moment and just ask him?

I love that he is not drinking. I love the lack of stress on my family unit. I love that I am not the only responsible person in the house. And I know that could all change in one instant. Although for now, I am loving it.

And my core emotions are not changed. I know how to take care of myself, how to be a healthy person, how to detach when needed.

While typing this I do see what I need to do. Thanks for being a place to view my thoughts in words.

Jenny

Gabe

There you go. That's all you need.
The rest is inconsequential.

Karivan

Hi Jenny. Enjoy it for today and breathe... I somehow got to the point that I don't feel a need to check up on my AH. He's responsible for his recovery, not me, and he doesn't need me checking up on him.

He knows what he has to do to stay with me and what will happen if he screws up. I'll know if he goes back to using and he will have to face the consequences of his actions.

So enjoy the last day of the year and hopefully everybody here at SR will stay sober and safe!

Happy New Year!!

octoberbabye

Jenny,
It might help you to read the chapter in the Big Book about the family afterwards. If we could do all that's suggested, we'd be saints. Yet there is always something that jumps out at me when I read this chapter. I'm not "attached", but find that I can use this chapter to help me take care of myself in my relationships.
Janet