Sucked in again?? Advice needed

Old 12-30-2004, 06:56 PM
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sdp
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Sucked in again?? Advice needed

Hello all!! I was hoping for some advice on what I should maybe do.

I had posted before about issues I had concerning my hub's sister and her kids, specifically, her daughter. SIL has taken shameful advantage of me in the past (ie-babysitting, etc) I had decided to step back from this, but recently was sucked into another sleepover. My biggest issue lately was SIL's thinking of me when her daughter wants to come over, but when a fun event came up over the summer, she did not think of me, or my kids, enough to tell us about it and get us tickets. There are many other things(if you are interested, http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=29655
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=37609
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=41976

I have 2 10 year old girls. Neice is 11.

On Christmas Eve we went to his other sister's house. Unknown to us, niece's dad was picking the kids up- right when we got there , to, I assume, stay with him all week.Tomorrow night, we are going over his sister's also, not neice's mother. Tonight, Neice called. Talked to one of the kids, and then asked to talk to me. She asked if she could come over tomorrow, and go with us to her aunt's house and then, whatever (meaning- stay with us) I told her I had to talk to hub and would let her know tomorrow.

Now, I have to work at 8am NY Day. What I had envisioned for tomorrow night was: leaving sil's at about 1, either with hub and kids in tow(unlikely) or (more likely) leaving hub and kids there, with other cousins. Note that SIL's house is pretty big, and there is plenty of room for the kids to play. As I have to work the next AM, I can't take kids home alone with me.

So, my dilemma is two fold-- I have no idea what the custody arrangement for neice is.. I asked her if she was SUPPOSED to be with her dad tomorrow night, she said "whatever".. I also don't know what her mom is doing tomorrow night. It would be awkward to walk in with this child, and her mom be there.

I really don't want to take her. That's why I want to clear this with hub, as I am assuming I will be leaving sil's alone. However, I will feel like a mean heel if I refuse her the chance to spend NY Eve with all her cousins. Her mom and dad do not have a cordial relationship so the adult suggestion of them coming to an agreement is out of the question. Plus, do I want to call either one of them and suggest he drop her off with her mom?? Too much involvement..

So I have 2 options-- Do what I really want to do and say no, or crush a poor lonely child's hope of a decent NYE??
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Old 12-30-2004, 07:21 PM
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sdp -

I would ask your SIL, who's having the party, if the niece can stay with her that night since you don't want to be the one responsible for her since you have to work. If you don't want to do that, then you just have to say no - I am working in the morning.

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Old 12-31-2004, 11:43 AM
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The biggest issue I had with this was the sleep over expectation. However, my husband did not come home last night, and I have not heard from him. Therefore, I had to find someone to watch the girls tomorrow, as no idea where he will be. I didn't think it was fair to ask this person to watch 3 kids.

Anyway, neice called today and she and my daughter figured this out- she will be dropped off here about 4, then go with us to sil's. According to neice, her mom will be done work at 10 and she will go home with her. I hope neice is telling the truth as it will be mighty awkward if she does not. Oh well. I made it clear that she is not sleeping over here.
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Old 12-31-2004, 11:10 PM
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I did speak with her mom later, and she said she would be there to pick daughter up.

Neice tried mightily to stay over our house-- leaving her bag(from her dad's) in the living room until I reminded her to get it.

THEN, while at the party, the mom calls and is upset, as apparently, she called the person I asked to baysit tomorrow to see if he would watch hers too, and he said no. Too bad. Then she asked if I was taking the kids home. I said "just my two", then her sister jumped in and said she could stay at her house. Once again, everyone helps :ynn out and she gets rewarded for her poor behavior. (mind you- I don;t think she has seen her kids since Christmas Eve) Anyway, hub ended up at his sister's house also, so I left the kids there, as his brother lives 2 blocks away from us and will give them all a ride home. If not, they can all stay there. Fine with me. Also note that MY OWN KIDS are pushing for their cousin to sleep over. Mean mommy/auntie.

The only reason I even took neice there was because I was promised I would not have to take her home with me. SIL even told me she would pick her own child up, but I guess a better opportunity then spending NYE with her kid's came up.
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Old 01-01-2005, 07:09 PM
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I posted this over 48 hours ago, and only 1 response to me request for help. (thank you Jojo)

Another thread I posted had exactly zero responses. Perhaps I have worn out my welcome. I don't think I will be coming back.
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