JessicaNAJ

Thank you all for your suggestions and support.... It really helps to know I'm not alone.

Peaches - I've been doing that (or at least trying to) since Tuesday, and your right, each day it does get easier. I still have my moments though. And then, I reread each of your thoughts and suggestions in this thread - they help me calm down and refocus. One minute at a time sometimes.

jessieandme2003

Hi Jessica.

Give yourself time, and keep working your program and talking here. I assure you that you can work past the obsession. And it is an obsession, I believe that deeply. I have been where you are.

I can give advice solely based on that helped me. I am no expert.

You need to fill your life with other things. Other people. The one way I know I broke free of my obsession was by being busy, and suddenly realizing I hadn't had time to think about him. I made lots of plans and did lots of socializing, and suddenly a whole day would go by and I didn't think of him. It was hard at first, I'd be at lunch with an old friend from a previous job, and I'd be thinking of him. But it just took a little time, and it took my having other things to think about. People to talk to. Places to go. And keeping busy meant I slept better, and didn't have the long nights to think.

I wasn't home alone a lot during those first few months, and that helped. But now, I find I love being home alone, now that I am past all that. So it's only temporary.

I also took something from AA - "people; places; things". You have to change people, places and things in your life that tied you to your old ways. I did that for myself. It helped remove a lot of memory "triggers".

The key is the only way to move on is to move. Take action. Take steps to change your life and build it around YOU. I actively decided to build a new life and a new me. And we called it "All ABout Me" and I got a shirt that says that. I am still doing that part, and plan to all through 2005. It's my turn.

I have been separated for over 6 months, with divorce proceedings nearly completed, and a nice new non-drinking boyfriend -- yet I sometimes slip into thinking of my AH. It still happens, but not very often. And I find it easier to look back at what we had and look at my new life and know I am happier. So those obsessive thoughts just become ordinary memories.

I wonder what he's doing, I've driven by the bar, but then I don't want to give up what I have now for what I had then. What I have now is way better. I will never give up "me" for someone else again. Al Anon, for me, is so much more than finding help because of a relationship with an alcoholic. For me it is a self-help group for my codependence, and I will work this program for as long as I feel it helps me.

Peaches04

Believe me Jessica - I know what you mean. When we let it, the obsession can take on a life of it's own... when i get clear headed again, I often sit back and laugh at myself and the crazy things I've done before. I think if people saw my behavior, they would know I'm the one who is nuts!! haha! Be easy on yourself, one minute at a time is fine. You know he is safe, you know his behavior is consistently inconsiderate...this is a great time for the serenity prayer "accept the things I can not change"...and change the thing you can...you